Don't Freak Out, But You Probably Already Have an STD

What are STDs? ​​

Sexually transmitted diseases (also called sexually transmitted infections — STIs) are illnesses spread through sex (all the kinds! vaginal, oral, or anal penetration) or even just grinding up against a partner without your clothes on. ​

How serious are they?

Some are curable: chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis can be cleared up with antibiotics. Pubic lice (aka crabs) can be killed with special cream or shampoo. Herpes, HPV, and HIV aren't curable, but there are tons of options for managing them so you can still live your best life.

How can you avoid getting an STD?

Condoms and dental dams.

How common are STDs?

About 75 percent of sexually active people will get HPV at some point in their lives, which means that most people have at least one experience with STDs!

How do I know if I have an STD?

Look out for anything unusual down there: rashes, itches, bumps, sores, warts, odors, or discharge that looks different than normal. Spot one or more of those? It might be an STD. We're not saying it is. Actually, it's pretty common for STDs to not display any warning signs right away (or at all), which is why it's so important to get tested at least once a year — you could have something and not even know it.

There's no need to run to a doctor every time you have, say, random discharge, but if you've had unprotected sex recently, it's been awhile since your last test (or you've never had one), and you're freaking out, get your butt over there. Talking to a doc gives you peace of mind.

Wait, but what about that one weird thing I have...?

OK, here's the thing — those symptoms listed above could point to a lot of different conditions. Unusual discharge could be chlamydia or a yeast infection, a red bump could be an ingrown hair, an itch could be a bug bite...it's even possible to just get a rogue zit down there. Only an official STD test can tell you what's up.

What is herpes?

​It's a virus that causes cold sores either on/around your mouth or genitals. The two most common strains are oral herpes (HSV-1) and genital herpes (HSV-2). Confusingly, either strain can appear in either place. Some people get herpes (aka cold sores) just from kissing or sharing a beverage with someone who has it. Other times, it's transmitted sexually — and yes, oral sex counts, too.

Huh? How are cold sores an STD?​ ​

Cold sores on your mouth are often treated like NBD, whereas cold sores down below carry more of a stigma. But actually, by adulthood, more than half of people have had a cold sore, and about a fifth of people have gotten genital herpes. If you've just been diagnosed, you might feel totally alone, but the truth is that you're not alone ​at all​.

I don't understand why you keep saying my cold sore is an STD — I've never had sex!

It's confusing! The underlying virus (that would be herpes) is the same, so people lump it together in the STD category. It sounds icky to categorize anything you're dealing with as an STD because people can be weird about discussing things related to sex. But having an STD is no different than anything else you'd go to the doctor for.

How do you know if you have herpes? ​

Most doctors don't test for herpes automatically because it requires a separate blood test, so if you think you could be at risk — if you've slept with someone who has it, or if you're experiencing sores — you should specifically ask to be tested for it.

Can herpes be cured? ​

Once you get the virus, you have it for life. But it's ​not​ a death sentence at all. There's a medication you can take during an outbreak to help it clear up (the brand name version is called Valtrex). People who have herpes do have to deal with annoying outbreaks every once in a blue moon, but that doesn't mean they can't have totally normal experiences with sex and dating. An outbreak isn't that different from getting the flu: for a few days, you deal with symptoms and don't want to make out with anyone, but it's not something you worry about on a regular basis.

Using condoms is a great way to reduce (but not completely eliminate) the risk of passing it on.

​If I have herpes, do I need to tell my partners about it? ​

The American Sexual Health Association recommends that you do. Try this script: "Before we go any further, let's talk. I have herpes. The risk of passing it on is low, especially if we use a condom, but I just want to let you know." It's the same way you'd give your friend a heads up about sipping from your water bottle if you just had strep throat. Your partner might want to ask questions or research it on their own — that's OK. On the off chance that a person rejects you for it, that's not a person you want in your life, anyway.​

​​Where can I get tested for STDs? ​

Not on WebMD. Seriously. Googling symptoms is just going to make you feel panicked and crazy — the only way to know what's up for sure is to get a real test. Your doctor can give you one (your annual checkup is a great time to ask), but check if it'll appear on your parents' health insurance if that's a concern for you. Confidential tests are available at Planned Parenthood or your city/county health clinics, which have the added benefit of being free or cheap. If you're in college, drop by your campus health center for a free test.

Which STDs should I get tested for? ​

It might be awk, but it's important to have an honest convo with your doctor about your sexual history so they can recommend what tests you need. There's a whole menu of tests your doctor can run for you, and they don't necessarily give you every one. If, for example, you've fooled around in your underwear with your boyfriend but never had vaginal, oral, or anal sex, you might get tested for herpes and HPV (which can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact), but not necessarily for gonorrhea. Once you become sexually active, the Centers for Disease Control recommends you get tested for chlamydia every year... and if you're already getting tested for that, you might as well get tested for others, too.

What happens if I test positive? ​

First, know that your life isn't over. Every year, 20 million Americans are diagnosed with an STD — you're not alone. Talk to your doctor about the best course of treatment. You should also contact your previous partners to let them know that you've been diagnosed: "Hey, I just found out I have [insert STD here], you might want to get tested." That convo isn't always the most comfortable thing in the world, but your partners will be grateful for your honesty.

​How can you tell if your partner has an STD? ​

You can't tell if a person has an STD just by looking at them — even if their junk looks perfectly normal. (Some people have STDs and literally never have any symptoms, but they can still pass them along to a partner.) Ask if they've ever been tested, and if so, when their most recent test was. Was that test clear? If not, did they receive treatment? The first time you have this kind of chat, it can be awkward, but it's no less awkward than actually getting naked and having sex for the first time. The two go hand in hand.

My partner and I are exclusive and I'm on birth control. Do we still need to use condoms? ​

We hate to say it, but there's always a tiny sliver of a chance that your partner isn't being honest about being exclusive (or isn't being honest about their last test results). Dudes often don't have any symptoms, so even guys who are faithful could unknowingly pass on something they caught before they met you. Do you really want to take that chance? ​People ages 15 to 24 account for half of all new STDs every year, even though that's only a quarter of the population. Getting an STD isn't the end of the world, but it's not fun, either — if you can do anything to reduce your risk, it's worth it.