1. What she says: [Quietly, with pursed lips] "Bless her"
What she means: "She's so dumb."
2. What she says: [Laughing excitedly] "Bless her!"
What she means: "She's crazy, LOL, I love her!"
3. What she says: "That's an interesting skirt!"
What she means: "That skirt is so ugly I might vomit."
4. What she says: "Is there anything new going on with you?"
What she means: "I'm sick of hearing about work. Please, let's move onto the gossip about whether or not you're going on a second date with that young man from Tinder."
5. What she says: "You know I'm not getting any younger."
What she means: "Literally where are my grandchildren?"
6. What she says: "Oh, you're wearing that...?"
What she means: "I'm embarrassed to have given birth to you in this moment."
7. What she says: "I can't remember how many boys I dated before I married your father."
What she means: "Are you doing a celibacy thing or what, why don't you have a boyfriend?"
8. What she says: "Was that sarcasm?"
What she means: "LOL, you think you're funny but you're really not. You know your sister is the funny one."
9. What she says: "Oh, just wanted to call and chat…"
What she means: "WTF are you keeping from me, I will make you talk."
10. What she says: "You know I saw on Facebook that your friend Sam from school got married last weekend, did you see that?"
What she means: "Are you planning on dying alone like your Aunt Jessie? You know Aunt Jessie regretted that, just FYI."
11. What she says: "You'll thank me for this later."
What she means: "I'm just being rude AF and this seems like a pretty good excuse for it."
12. What she says: "Well, that's not very classy."
What she means: "That's the worst f*cking thing I have literally ever seen/heard."
13. What she says: "Have you lost weight?"
What she means: "Your jeans are so tight I'm worried you might rip a seam, and you know this is around when your cousin Natalie gained all that weight."
14. What she says: "Emily's baby is so cute…"
What she means: "Just admit you're never having children so I can please accept it and move on already."
15. What she says: "I'm fine. I'm fine!"
What she means: "I can't believe you don't know what's bugging me right now, it's like I don't even know you."
16. What she says: "You wear that in public?"
What she means: "As soon as you take those clothes off, I'm throwing them in the bin where they belong."
17. What she says: [Crying] "You'll understand when you're a mum someday."
What she means: "Go ahead and make fun of me for being emotional now, but when you love somebody as much as I love you, you'll get why literally everything makes me weepy."
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