17 Things Mums Say, Decoded

"Bless her heart..." = *so much shade*

21 March, 2018
17 Things Mums Say, Decoded

1. What she says: [Quietly, with pursed lips] "Bless her"

What she means: ​"She's so dumb."

2. What she says:​  [Laughing excitedly] "Bless her!"

What she means:​ ​"She's crazy, LOL, I love her!"

3. What she says:​​ "That's an interesting skirt!"

What she means:​ ​"That skirt is so ugly I might vomit."

4. What she says:​ "Is there anything new going on with you?"

What she means:​​ ​"I'm sick of hearing about work. Please, let's move onto the gossip about whether or not you're going on a second date with that young man from Tinder."

5. What she says:​​ "You know I'm not getting any younger."

What she means:​ ​"Literally where are my grandchildren?"

6. What she says:​​ "Oh, you're wearing that...?"

What she means:​​ ​"I'm embarrassed to have given birth to you in this moment."

7. What she says:​​ "I can't remember how many boys I dated before I married your father."

What she means:​ ​"Are you doing a celibacy thing or what, why don't you have a boyfriend?"

8. What she says:​​ "Was that sarcasm?"

What she means:​ ​"LOL, you think you're funny but you're really not. You know your sister is the funny one."

9. What she says:​​ "Oh, just wanted to call and chat…"

What she means:​​ ​"WTF are you keeping from me, I will make you talk."

10. What she says:​ "You know I saw on Facebook that your friend Sam from school got married last weekend, did you see that?"

What she means:​​ ​"Are you planning on dying alone like your Aunt Jessie? You know Aunt Jessie regretted that, just FYI."

11. What she says:​ "You'll thank me for this later." 

What she means:​​ ​"I'm just being rude AF and this seems like a pretty good excuse for it."

12. What she says:​​ "Well, that's not very classy."

What she means:​ "That's the worst f*cking thing I have literally ever seen/heard."

13. What she says:​​ "Have you lost weight?"

What she means:​​ ​"Your jeans are so tight I'm worried you might rip a seam, and you know this is around when your cousin Natalie gained all that weight."

14. What she says:​​ "Emily's baby is so cute…"

What she means:​ ​"Just admit you're never having children so I can please accept it and move on already."

15. What she says:​ "I'm fine. I'm fine!"

What she means:​​ ​"I can't believe you don't know what's bugging me right now, it's like I don't even know you."

16. What she says:​​ "You wear that in public?"

What she means:​ ​"As soon as you take those clothes off, I'm throwing them in the bin where they belong."

17. What she says:​​ [Crying] "You'll understand when you're a mum someday."

What she means:​ ​"Go ahead and make fun of me for being emotional now, but when you love somebody as much as I love you, you'll get why literally everything makes me weepy."

Follow Hannah on Twitter.

Credit: Cosmopolitan
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