Here's How to Send the Perfect Breakup Text

Most of us have been in this situation: You go out on one to four casual dates with someone, and you're not really feeling it anymore. It could be that there's just no spark, or perhaps he was ​really​ bad in bed. Regardless, you then have to go do breakup things, which is not the most pleasant of tasks.

So how do you do it?​ The relationship was so short-lived, it seems like overkill to meet up in person to discuss; some would even call it cruel. In this scenario, many of us ghost. Why? Because it's easy. But you're better than that. Ghosting turns what could be an amicable split into something painful.

In lieu of ghosting, it's far more respectful to send a premeditated, nicely packaged text — being kind yet honest to your date is ultimately the best way to let them know you're not down to continue things. While breakup texts are generally frowned upon, they're totally acceptable if you haven't been dating for too long. After all, wouldn't you prefer that to being ghosted? (I would!)

Here is an example of an actual breakup text I received after three dates. While the man who sent this to me — let's call him Mark —​ had his heart in the right place, this is definitively the most eye roll-inducing breakup text I have ever received:

Fun fact: Mark has an Ivy League education.​ The major problem with his text message is that it is painfully unclear:

"A thing with this person that was off kind of became on again" ​Really​, homie?!

"Changes my situation ​a bit​"? C'mon dude!

The tone reminds me of when I was an angsty teenager and my mom would ask me what my plans were for the weekend: "I'm going to a thing." Where? "At my friend's house." With who? "Some other friends."

Don't make the same mistakes as Mark! Here are the three best ways to amicably end a short-lived relationship via text message:​

Be honest, while staying vague.

Personally, I'm a fan of being as honest as possible in my life. Not only am I a terrible liar, but I believe that it's good karma to tell the truth. I like knowing the truth. I, however, don't like needlessly hurting people's feelings, so sometimes it's best to keep it vague.

If you weren't feeling the first date or two, and you already know you don't​ want to continue things, you don't need to text them anything. Hopefully they weren't feelin' it either! However, if they get in touch with you about a second date, respond. You don't need to get into the nitty gritty of why you didn't like them. Focus on the positive:

"Hey, [name], to be completely transparent I think you're a great [guy/girl/person] and I had a great time with you the other night, but I'm not feeling much of a connection. Really great meeting you though!"

You can be honest without being a dick! It's possible.

Be 100 percent honest, if you must.

If the person you went out with a couple times did something to upset you, and you feel strongly about telling them why you no longer want to see them, go for it. I maintain, however, that's there's still a way to do this kindly.

Let's say you went out with Chet, and Chet never asked you a single question. All Chet did was talk about Chet, and if you even tried to interject with your opinion, Chet would cut you off. Let's say you're ​really pissed because this is something that's happened to you one too many times and today's the day you're going to say something about it.

Here's how to do so in the most levelheaded way possible:

"Hey, Chet. To be totally real with you, I wasn't feeling it because I felt like you dominated the conversation and didn't ask me any questions. I'm not interested in continuing things, but I wish you all the best."

If you send something like this, you risk getting an angry or mean response, or a request for a second chance. Still, sometimes you gotta live your truth!

When necessary, lying isn't the worst thing.

If the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal if you lie to someone you've went out with a couple times about why you want to break up. If you can't bring yourself to tell the truth and ​must​ lie, make it a little vague and make it about your ex. Don't say something like, "I'm really busy right now" because we all know you're never too busy for someone you really, really like.

The more specifics you give, the worse they'll feel, and the more they'll suspect that you're lying. ​However, ​don't go full Mark if you're going to lie. Instead, make sure to include some niceties and be a little less vague:

"Hey, [name]. It was so nice hanging out, but I'm not completely over my ex, so it's probably best that I don't get into anything new right now."

Whatever you end up doing, don't tell them you copied-and-pasted your breakup text from America's no. 1 women's magazine. I don't think that'll go over too well.

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