5 Guys Sharing Their Embarrassing Puberty Stories Will Make You Glad to Be a Woman

​If childhood feels like a nonstop pool party, puberty is the dark storm that rolls in out of nowhere, raining down lightning and striking the pool, electrocuting everyone and giving you hair in new places. Puberty is a lot of things, but subtle sure isn't one of them. These five guys got really candid about the first time they realized nothing would ever be the same. And no matter what your experience was like, you can probably relate on some level.

1. ​"I don't remember exactly how old I was, but this was right when I first started getting boners. I still get boners a lot, but back then, it was like, if I thought I heard someone say the word 'boob,' I got a boner. So there's this girl I have a huge crush on​, and I finally work up the courage to ask her. My penis, of course is all, 'Oh, a girl you like, cool,' and tries to play wingman by showing off. She notices it through my JNCO jeans, she laughs, her friend laughs. People teased me for a little about it. As if, like, having a working sex drive and penis is something crazy that you need to get ridiculed for."​​ —​Troy, 28

2. "I was relatively young and realized that rubbing my boner up against my bed at night felt really, really good. So I would do that, and eventually one day, I guess it made me orgasm? I didn't understand what happened and I got kind of freaked out. I'd had sex ed but I didn't put it together. So I just tried to go to sleep but I couldn't because I kept compulsively checking on my penis to make sure it was OK." ​​—​Kevin, 26

3. "I don't know if this counts, but when I was younger, I remember thinking boobs were really great but vaginas were gross. I feel like I need to defend my 12-year-old self here now. I just didn't exactly understand entirely what the big deal is and in my defense, I probably didn't have the greatest grip on how sex worked at that point. I also think pubic hair weirded me out, at that point. Like, as far as I knew, it was just a bunch of pubic hair. Anyway, I remember stumbling onto internet porn. I just want to give a shout out to Net Nanny for being really lenient … I don't know how I found it, but it was some admittedly soft-core images, but she had a shaved vagina. It just, like, jump-started puberty for me. It was like, 'BAM! I get it now.' Like, when you finally start enjoying the taste of beer. I was like, 'This whole lady thing. I'm into it. The whole package.' Then my mom walked in and started yelling at me. I must have just zoned out completely and didn't notice her walking down the hall or opening the door to the computer room. I lost computer access for a month. So basically, I associate my sexual awakening with deep shame. I'm sure that's screwed me up." ​​—​Adrian, 29

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4. "When I first discovered masturbation, it, uh … didn't exactly coincide with my discovery of the internet and all it was capable of. I wound up hoarding a lot of my mom's women's magazines. I'd sort of hide them in my room. Not under the mattress or anything as if they were porn, but I'd stash them. As if she'd just be OK with them going missing. I'd be lucky if there were a few bikini pictures or some kind of feature on comfortable bras. Anyway, she eventually found a bunch while cleaning my room and was all, 'Why do you have them? I was looking for these.' I tried to convince her that I was into celeb gossip and recipes and DIY and stuff. At the time, I thought she bought it. But looking back, it was so obvious she didn't. She knew. She didn't take them back so … she must have known. I feel like as a kid, you think you're the first person to discover masturbation and no one knows you're jerking off. But all your parents know." ​​—​Tom, 27​

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5. "OK, so this is the story of my first 'wild boner.' [Editor's note: This sounds like it would make for a fascinating nature documentary. Boners in the wild​!] It wasn't my first boner but it was the first time I had a totally errant one. I was giving a presentation in science class on … I want to say it was on the water cycle or something like that, but it was basically just reading a paper you wrote at the front of the class. For some reason, my penis is like, 'Aww yeah. Evaporation FTW,' and just, like, instant erection. If dicks could get whiplash, I'd be bringing mine to the chiropractor. So I decide I need to hide it, and instead of holding my paper lower (which I thought was so obvious, somehow, that everyone would know I had a boner), I turn around. I pick up some chalk, and just start writing words on the board as an excuse to stay facing away from the class. I don't know why I didn't do something more constructive, like say, map out the water cycle. Instead I'm just writing words like 'rain' or 'clouds' on the board, like these are really important. It worked, sort of. Everyone probably thought I was an idiot, including the teacher, but at least no one saw my boner." ​​—​Jared, 25​

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