10 Fictional Men To Crush On Since Real Men Will Always Disappoint You

1. Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings

Samwise Gamgee from Lord of the Rings is the #1 most loyal dude in this history of dudes. He stayed by his guy Frodo through the Mines of Moria, trudged through the Dead Marshes, and physically carried him up a volcano to save the world (and their friendship). You need that kind of ride-or-die in your life. Also, there are no known occurrences of Samwise Gamgee sexually harassing women, hobbits, elves, or lady dwarves.

2. Matt Saracen from Friday Night Lights

Has there ever been a boy sweeter than Matt Saracen? The answer is no. He's a wonderful, talented young man who has never harassed a woman in his life. While other guys on the football team used their status to hit on cheerleaders and act like idiots, Saracen shouldered his responsibility while taking care of his ailing grandma. What an absolute gem, who Julie Taylor does not deserve.

3. Steve Rogers/Captain America

Whenever someone tries to say that "not all men" are horrible to women, it's correct to reply "you're right. Steve Rogers would never be awful to women." This large, polite man out of time is literally from the 1940s but still treats women better than a lot of men in 2018. Is it because he's a superhero? Is it because he knows Peggy Carter will slap him from beyond the grave if he gets fresh? Who knows! For whatever reason, he's a nice boy.

4. Randall Pearson from This Is Us

There's no way around the fact that Randall Pearson is an angel. While his siblings stumble through life like two drunk toddlers hell-bent on taking their anger out on the universe, Randall walks calmly, deliberately, and with plenty of light and love. He's empathetic, with a fully-formed emotional core. His love language is making brownies! Crush on Randall all you want.

5. Finn from Star Wars

Poe may be the Resistance's best pilot, but Finn has its biggest heart; it's hard not to love a rebel Stormtrooper who makes friends with everyone he lays eyes on and is nice to people, droids, and space animals alike. He's genuinely excited to be a part of the world and his reverence for the powerful women in his life (sup Leia, Rey, and Rose!) make for the best boyfriend in the galaxy. More like FN-218-HEAVEN

6. David from Lilo and Stitch

David had a thing for Lilo's sister Lani, but she was too busy trying to keep her family together. David had a choice: take it personally and be bitter, or realize that his feelings weren't more important than the emotional reality of Lani's complicated life and do what he could to help Lani get a job, take care of Lilo with her, and genuinely be a good friend with no expectations. David took the second option. Would that all rejected men acted like David.

7. Ezio Auditore from Assassin's Creed

Not everyone is interested in a long-term relationship, so if you're more into a smash-and-dash but still want to feel respected, Renaissance-era Italian Stallion Ezio Auditore is your guy. Yes, his body count (interpret that as you will) is somewhere in the hundreds, but he'll beat down your catcallers, restore justice to the pre-Italian states, and show you a great time before tipping his hood and leaping out of your window into the night. Arrivederci, Ezio!

8. Podrick Payne from Game of Thrones

Podrick Payne hasn't been up to much in these past seasons of Game of Thrones, but no one can forget the ongoing mystery of his alarming sexual prowess. He's got a nervous little smile, mad bedroom skills, and is far too well-trained by his mentors Tyrion and Brienne to harass women. There's no saying he'll survive the finale, but until then Pod is a safe bet for you to crush on.

9. Peeta Mellark from The Hunger Games

You like boys? You like bread? You like devotion and respect? Peeta Mellark is the one you need. He loves with his whole heart, hates violence, paints nice pictures, and even under the most terrifying of circumstances he retains his humanity. All this, and he'll make you the prettiest birthday cake you've ever had.

10. Glenn from The Walking Dead

Dear departed Glenn, what is there to say about him? He was a father, a fighter, a charming, ferocious light in a dark, zombie-filled world. In his short time on earth, Glenn supported reproductive rights by raiding undead-laded pharmacies for birth control for the women in his squad and always did right by his new apocalyptic family. They didn't deserve you, Glenn. Rest in peace.

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