10 Things Guys Will Never Understand About Period Cramps

There are things all people who have period cramps know to be true, and things people who don't get period cramps will simply never comprehend. Being a menstruating person with cramps is simultaneously a rite of passage and a curse. Let's pause for a moment of commiseration. Here are ten things people who don't have periods (and the accompanying cramps) will just never fully understand.

1. I'm not at all being overdramatic when I curl up into a tiny ball on the floor. To my knowledge, there's no science that says squeezing your entire body into a small bundle will cure your cramps. But it's comforting nonetheless and therefore I will keep on doing it.

2. They can truthfully strike at any time. One moment you're walking down the sidewalk enjoying a beautiful day, and the next it feels like there's a tiny man punching the insides of your uterus. And here's the real kicker: You don't even have to be ON YOUR PERIOD!!!! to get a sudden onslaught of cramps. Being a woman is full of fun and flirty surprises!

3. Sometimes it feels like someone is forcefully wringing my entire reproductive system out like a wet towel! And TBH this is kind of what is actually going down in there, so yes! It fucking hurts! I am not exaggerating this pain!

4. Being in constant, subtle-to-extreme pain for three days will absolutely make me a cranky B. Oh she's probably just on her period, is something men who have not even half of a brain like to say. But honestly, so what if my period cramps are what's making me a royal nightmare to be around? How would men like it if their dicks were in random and constant pain several days in a row? They'd probably be horrific monsters (oh wait they already are).

5. Cramps are actually so much more than just cramps. Aside from feeling like my uterus is aflame, my back aches, my head is killing me, my body is bloated to eight times its normal size, my stomach is an insatiable pit, and I'm so damn tired all the time. Cramps are simultaneously the most and least of my concerns.

6. Barely anything gets rid of them completely. There are a lot of methods out there for "curing" period cramps. Acupuncture, specialized massages, heating pads, Midol, the list goes on. But the best thing, honestly, is taking a dose of Ibuprofen and saying a little prayer that the cramps go away. And even that doesn't always work.

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7. Cramps often feel like an actual illness but you absolutely can't use them as an excuse to stay home. Think about it: When you have a debilitating stomachache, migraine, or sinus infection or something, you call-in sick and get to spend the day recuperating at home. But cramps — which often feel like an attack on your pelvis — are no excuse for playing hooky. It's expected that the menstruating portion of the population buck up and deal with it, even if it means vomiting into the office toilet because you're in extreme pain. You can decide how fair that sounds.

8. Sometimes people give you a lot of shit if you use your cramps as an excuse to skip a social gathering. Usually this shade comes from a person who's been blessed to never have truly bad cramps and doesn't understand how they can leave you bedridden for a day. The only thing worse than being stuck in bed with terrible cramps is being made to feel weak and lame because of it.

9. Guys get all grossed out when you say, "I have cramps," and that sucks. Maybe because mentioning cramps reminds dudes that sometimes women bleed from the holes they wanna put their dicks in, but sorry men! It's a Fact Of Life and I can talk about it as freely as I damn well please. Sorry (haha sike!) if my cathartic complaining gives you the masculine heebie-jeebies *prolonged fart noise*.

10. Everyone experiences cramps differently. Just because one person you know had an easy, breezy period with no pain doesn't mean everyone has that same situation. Some people are plagued with terrible cramps, some people even have medical conditions that cause debilitating cramps (like endometriosis), and some people may have horrendous cramps one month and zero cramps the next. There's no "normal" for monthly cramps.

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