The Obamas Are Taking All the Best Honeymoons
And you can too with this handy guide.
You only get one honeymoon — unless you're one of a few rare exceptions. There are Instagram influencers, whose offices are beaches and tiny seaplanes in the Maldives. There are Real Housewives who must vacation with their friends women's fight club in order to spat with each other within the intimate confines of an overwater bungalow. Nothing heightens drama like downsizing bloodthirsty women from a California McManse to a hotel room. There are also second and third marriages, but really, who wants to bother with all that divorcing? Sounds tedious.
And then there are the Obamas. I'm happy for him and his family. He served our country well, he put up with a lot of crap while he did it, and now he's living his #BestLife in the world's premier honeymoon destinations. His memoir isn't supposed to be a TripAdvisor list of the "World's Best Honeymoons to Take with Your Iconic Wife and Teen Kids Sometimes" but it sure could be. Here's a compendium of all the places the Obamas have honeymooned since leaving the White House. Let it serve as a guide for your own honeymoon planning.
Rancho Mirage, California
The Obamas stayed in this private estate.
Who It's Best For: Architecture buffs; people who hate humidity; people who want to experience Coachella without the Coachella.
The Obamas flew from the rainy horrors of Trump's inauguration straight to the warm, dry embrace of the California desert valley known for hosting not only former presidents like Reagan and Nixon, but also Coachella.
[instagram align='center' id='BPf72csBN4f']https://www.instagram.com/p/BPf72csBN4f" data-instgrm-version="14" style="background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);" >They got in before Coachella but I'm not ruling out them making an appearance there next year. One's #BestLife is incomplete without enjoying some kind of unicorn churro in the middle of an obnoxious outdoor concert. Anyway, Coastal Living reported that the Obamas settled into the 11,000-square-foot home owned by interior designer Michael S. Smith and James Costos, who served Obama as ambassador to Spain and Andorra. Built in the '70s, the estate includes spectacular panoramic views of the valley, a large pool surrounded by a veritable bounty of cushy lounge chairs, and patioscapes that make the West Elm catalog look like chopped liver.
Necker Island, British Virgin Islands
The Obamas stayed in the island's private resort.
Who It's Best For: People with money to burn; people who enjoy Below Deck and want to be in a place that boasts a staff that looks like they belong on a show Bravo really should be making.
Billionaire Richard Branson owns Necker Island, and on it sits a resort that you, bae, and up to 32 additional people can rent out for $80,000 a night. It's just a jaunt (20 minutes!) by sailboat from Beef Island. When the Obamas went in February, they flew to Beef Island (which is fun to say, try it: Beef Island!) on Branson's personal plane. This is your honeymoon, so it's fine to overspend on everything. You'll never again feel this OK with blowing all your bones on rum drinks and the sunscreen you forgot to pack. Activities here also include kite surfing, being glamorous, and indulging in super-spendy spa treatments (a couple's massage starts at $220 for a half hour — also the price of a full night in many hotels that are not this one).
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Hawaii
Obama played golf at the Mid Pacific Country Club.
Who It's Best For: People on a semi-bullshit vows renewal honeymoon who want to send their husbands to play golf because the vows renewal didn't exactly take. Also, people who find golf relaxing…?
Nothing to see here, it's a golf course. If you like golf, this is presumably a very good place to play it. Obama swung by to show off his gams, enjoy the golf, and inquire about membership, People reported.
To be clear, you can't stay here since it's a country club, but it's Hawaii, and there is probably nowhere bad to stay. You could sleep under a bridge in Hawaii or sleep in this golf course's dumpster, and it would be better than wherever you sleep now.
French Polynesia
The Obamas stayed at the Brando on the island of Tetiaroa.
Who It's Best For: People who thought Richard Branson's private island looked great but can't quite afford it, and don't mind a longer plane ride.
Home to Bora Bora and the island of Moorea, which couldn't keep itself off "best island" lists if it tried, French Polynesia offers tons of honeymoon spots to choose from, many of them on private islands that contain nothing but a sole ritzy resort. While in town, the Obamas were seen in the water off Moorea (Michelle hit the paddleboard; Barack hit the snorkel) and they stayed on the island of Tetiaroa, a source told the Washington Post. Barack apparently used his time here to write some of his presidential memoirs. Thankfully, since you'll be honeymooning, you won't have to worry about penning your own White House memoirs.
A Yacht
Does it matter where the Obamas went? Just about anywhere is good when you're on a yacht.
Who It's Best For: Literally anyone, but especially Leonardo DiCaprio, if he ever takes a honeymoon. Yachts!
The Obamas, like Beyoncé and Jay Z, are getting a lot of good time in on fancy boats. On your honeymoon, you should too. Nothing beats private time with bae and superstars like Tom Hanks and Oprah on a rich person's fabulous, private sea vessel. The Obamas took a spin on David Geffen's yacht, named the Rising Sun, which you probably can't just book like any old Marriott — but hey, any yacht will do, and any respectable honeymoon island should have boat charter services available to you. Or just go float on an inflatable doughnut. The Instagram will probably get more likes anyway. You gotta set your Instagram husband up for success because they really don't know what they're doing.
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Tuscany
The Obamas stayed at the Borgo Finocchieto.
Who It's Best For: People who like wine; people who like Italy; people who like dining al fresco; people who want to honeymoon at a place that plays actual opera music as the intro to their website.
While in Italy, the Obamas got a lot done. Barack spoke at the Food Innovation Summit, Michelle ate gelato in Siena, and they enjoyed a wine-tasting curated by sommelier Filippo Batolotta, who praised Michelle for her nuanced appreciation of complex vinos. (Barack said he doesn't drink much, Travel and Leisure reported. I've been drunk since Nov. 8, 2016.)
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They also ate a meal prepared by renowned Italian chef Massimo Bottura. If you don't know him from his three Michelin stars, you probably know from that addictive, super-pretentious Netflix series about famous chefs.
Bali
The Obamas shacked up at the Four Seasons Resort Sayan.
Who It's Best For: People who like land activities as much as sea ones; people with kids to entertain; people who have been seriously considering Bali since Eat, Pray, Love came out.
The Obamas went to Bali with their two daughters, Sasha and Malia, and were photographed white-water rafting down the Ayung River and touring a rice terrace. If you vacation like me, you'd be drunk in a lounge chair about to fall into a pool, and not upright and helping paddle any sort of boat. But the Obamas are a class act. The kind of class act who vacations for the activities.
The Four Seasons offers family activities like the aforementioned rafting, cooking classes, and biking. The leisurely outings precede a speech the former president is supposed to give at an Indonesian Diaspora Congress in Jakarta. The Obamas have also been invited to visit the presidential palace in West Java. But being a plebeian, you'll be free of such concerns and can really focus on tracking down every spot Elizabeth Gilbert likes the most.
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