I Don't Like When Guys Go Down on Me

​I have no idea who to turn to, but am I the only woman who doesn't like cunnilingus? I've had men try it but it just doesn't feel ... nice. Can you write an article about that?You don't have to feel weird just because you don't get off like someone else. As a parent with weird boundary issues might say: If someone orgasmed while jumping off a bridge, would you? Would you? I certainly hope not, young lady. You're better than that.

Don't worry: Some guys don't like blow jobs, some people don't like the missionary position. Some people get creeped out when their lover talks too much in bed. Other people get freaked out if their lover is too affectionate. These aren't hang-ups. They're just preferences. You can have your own tastes and that's fine. Our boundaries aren't just about declaring what's too kinky for us; they're about declaring what works for us.

That said, you can always experiment to see if your tastes have changed. Remember: A lot of guys are terrible at going down on women. You might also need to offer the next guy some guidance or find someone who knows what he's doing.

I met a guy on Tinder about two months ago. We hit it off from the start — electric chemistry. The more time we spent together, the more I found myself really liking him, but also the more holes I find in his story. For starters, he didn't give me a real name, and I only found this out by accident when cleaning up one night and seeing his license. The more research I did, the more I found out about him. When I confronted him, he said the alias and the secrecy were all due to his job. This seemed logical so I stuck around to see where this would go. We have been intimate and he does stay over quite a bit. However, I think he is still lying to me, and I have yet to go over to his house or meet any friends. My intuition is telling me to leave the situation but my heart is telling me something else. Any advice?Double-oh-no-he-didn't try to pretend he's got a super-secret identity. Unless his name is James Bond or Clark Kent, this guy's super-secret job is likely called "a marriage." What other explanation is there for keeping his home and friends a secret from you? There's no job that comes with a fake I.D. and a "don't bring your girlfriend home" policy.  In Hollywood, heroes have double identities all the time. In the real world, men don't have aliases unless they're shady as fuck.

I'm not saying he's absolutely a con man on the run. But I am saying that he's no hero and he's quite possibly a very bad guy. You should run in the other direction, fast.

I'm a senior in high school and have been dating my boyfriend since sophomore year. My boyfriend has decided to join the Marines instead of going to college, and I'm really excited for him because it's been his dream for a long time. But he keeps saying that we should break up at the end of this year because it's going to be really hard to have a relationship while I'm in college and he's in the military. He says that he isn't going to be able to give me the attention I deserve, and that I'm not gonna like dating someone I barely see or talk to. I know he loves me, but it seems like he doesn't even want to try to have a relationship while I do. I want to date him and then break up if the things he says come true. Should I try to remain in a relationship with him or heed his warning?You're in a tough spot, and I know this must be such a confusing moment. It sounds like you really care about this guy, and you must have had some very good years together. But he's telling you that your time together is over. You've got to listen to him. You've got to let him go.

Your boyfriend sounds like he's doing his best to be kind — and I bet he truly does care very much about you. But you can care about someone without wanting to be together forever, and, no matter how kindly he cushions the truth, your boyfriend is telling you that he wants to break up.

Like a lot of guys, he's telling you that it's because he wants you to have the kind of relationship that you deserve. And that's probably true. That's also beside the point and secondary to the fact that he just doesn't see your relationship lasting. He's trying to let you down easy — and, like a lot of nice guys, he's really just making this more confusing.

When you say he "doesn't even want to try to have a relationship while I do," I think that's the core truth you need to hold onto. All these other conflicted feelings matter — but not as much as that. It was good. And now it's over.

You aren't alone — and when you get to college and start talking to all your friends about their high school loves, you'll find out just how many of your new friends are going through the same thing right now. (I and a whole lot of my friends all had our high school romances that ran their courses.) Breaking up now doesn't mean you wasted your time or your love. Usually, we grow up and grow apart from the people we love when we're young. Change is inevitable, so try to let him go with some grace. That way, when he's gone, it will be easier to remember your good times together, rather than a bad breakup. 

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