13 Problems Only Extroverted Introverts Understand

Having to reply to every Facebook invite with "interested" because who knows how you'll feel at 8:59 p.m. on Friday?

21 March, 2018
13 Problems Only Extroverted Introverts Understand

1. Going to a party because you want to be around people, but then wanting to jump into a nearby garbage can when someone tries to make small talk with you. "I didn't come to this party to talk to people. I came to stand near people and listen to their thoughts while thinking about how much fun it is being moderately social. What's so weird about that?" —You. 

2. Texting your friend, "We should go out tonight!" and then they reply an hour later with, "Yeah! What do you feel like doing?" and you're like, "Actually, never mind. I'm cool with staying home for life." Sometimes you're so pulled between going out and staying in that even the slightest texting delay from someone is enough to make you not want to go anywhere at all. If you say you want to do something with someone, they basically have to hop on a drone to your house and be there in five minutes. 

3. Having people who just met you either think you're a total prick or someone who's dying to get a two-bedroom with them ASAP so you guys can talk ~*all the time*~. Because you basically either don't talk to anyone, or you're like a 5-year-old who took ADD meds even though they don't have ADD and also had a lot of sugar and honestly just loves everyone in this world so, so much and would love to give them hugs. 

4. Not being able to explain to your friends that seeing them last night was honestly as much social interaction as you'll need for three weeks at least. You basically live by a 1:3 ratio in general. One over-the-top, no-holds-barred social interaction for every three nights where you don't answer any texts ever and stay in bed speaking only to yourself and giggling with joy because being alone is so great. 

5. Having to reply to every Facebook invite with "interested." Because who the hell knows if you'll feel like being the most popular person at the party or the most absent and definitely at-home-alone person at the party that night?

6. Wanting to smack the people who laugh in your face when you try to tell them you're actually pretty introverted. Because they can't imagine that someone who did a spot-on dance to "Single Ladies" in a unitard at your office party last week is actually terrified of social interaction approximately 50 percent of the time (sometimes 80 percent if you've been super social lately.) And yet, 'tis true. 

7. If people knew how many pitch-perfect excuses you've come up with for why you can't hang out tonight, they would think you were a legit sociopath. But it's just because you know that if you tell them the real reason you don't want to go out tonight is "Because I'm an introvert right now!" they'll just remind you about how you approached three super-hot dudes at the bar last week and asked them all for their numbers and then danced until 3 a.m. So "Yeah, I told my friend I'd run an errand for him tonight" will have to do even though it makes zero sense. 

8. Trying to explain why you're super depressed because you went to some dumb party you didn't want to go to because you felt like you'd already said "no" to that person too many times lately. Hey, it's not your fault that you were already extroverted with Sara last week (and it was a bar!!! That is not easy for you! Come on!) and that's why you have to say "no" to going to a club with Jennifer, even though you've said no every single time for the last five times. You only have so much to give. Which brings me to…

9. "Let's get coffee" is practically an auto-response in your phone. Going to a party is a Whole Thing, dinner is good because there's food but bad because what if it's a crowded place, and a full-on concert is just not going to happen more than twice a year. But an hour for coffee seems like an activity that won't cause you to spiral into a deep depression afterward because you seriously did not need this much social stimulus today. 

10. Knowing there's about a two-hour time limit where you can schmooze and make jokes and meet your friend's new boyfriend before you need to be in an Uber on your way to Uggs and Gilmore Girls town. You don't even need to set a timer anymore, your brain just does that for you. And when it goes off, your friends are like, "Why are you leaving?" and you're like, "Because I was social for two hours. I did all I came to do."

11. Either you seriously, seriously want to have sex with someone or you're not even sure why people like sex so much. Fortunately, you're intensely good at letting people know which is which because you'll either be sitting on their lap licking their face or locked in your room with a sign on the door that says, "You don't exist right now. Bye."

12. When you tell someone you're feeling really lonely and they're like, "Come to this art show tonight!" And you're like, "I said I was lonely, which meant that I would like to see you and you only for approximately 45 minutes, after which you will leave and we will both agree that was the perfect amount of time."

13. Trying to plan a birthday party means throwing an event for 10 individuals who have nothing in common except for the fact they know you. And then using all your extrovert energy to try to make them bond aka it is a hellscape. Just stay home. 

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Credit: Cosmopolitan
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