Woman Writes About That Time She Used Saran Wrap as a Condom

​Over at Total Sorority Move, they let a woman write about the time she used saran wrap as a condom — which should be noted often and in ALL CAPS: USING SARAN WRAP AS A CONDOM DOESN'T WORK. To further emphasize this point, Cosmopolitan.com reached out to Dr. Priyanka Wali told me over the phone, "They're not secure, they tear easily, and they can't handle the sheer force of sexual activity." 

OK, so now that that's clear, onto our story!

So, a woman and a man are about to have sex and they find out that neither of them has a condom. Normally, the solution is to not have sex or go get a condom, but they came across a fork in a road, and they chose the path less taken. (You know, because it leads to pregnancy and STDs.)

She writes:

[My mom] fessed up and admitted that back in the olden days if kids didn't have a condom, they'd use plastic wrap. The joke's on her, because when she told chubby, awkward me that at the age of ten, she never thought I would use that information when I was seventeen and hot.So when Adam came back in the room empty handed (shocker. He didn't find a condom just laying around his sister's house), I told him the plan. He was going to go into the kitchen, find some plastic wrap, and wrap that dick up. The sight that I was greeted with when he returned yet again is one that I will never forget. The tanned, toned guy I was in love with was completely naked. And attached to his pelvis? A massive boner that looked like it was being strangled by white-ish, clear tape."Does it hurt?" I asked, gazing down at his painful looking erection."No. Not really. It just feels…tight?" He grimaced as he moved toward the bed."Are you sure you want to do this?" I question, as he took a deep breath and slowly eased onto the comforter, wincing in discomfort."Yes! Yes it's fine. Let me just lean back or something." I watched as he inched up to the headboard and let out a deep sign when he finally sat back."Okay," he panted. "I'm ready."

She then slobbered all over his dick so it was wet enough to not be uncomfortable and then they jammed his saran wrapped bits inside of her.

It felt like a plastic toy. Hot. At this point, I had gotten in too deep. All I wanted was a dreamy night with my not-even-legal high school boyfriend but no. Life decided to fuck me in a way his wrapped up penis never could. I knew this wasn't going to be good for either of us. But yet, as I eased myself onto his plaster mold of a penis, I was shocked to see his eyes roll back in his head. How was he even feeling this?

I started rocking back and forth, distracted by the squishy, scratchy sounds of plastic moving around.

She goes on to describe the sex in more detail but this isn't a letter to Penthouse, so I'm going to say that she ends with the realization that the sex was "as bad as could be expected," and that she'll "never fuck with Saran Wrap again." 

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