This is Why You Should Never Mix a Hoover And a Penis

In the same way as some humans are just naturally in-built to want to click a big red button that says ​'DO NOT PRESS', some people also like to explore other things which will inevitably end in disaster.

Like this one woman, who couldn't control her urge to explore what would happen when her hoover came into contact with her fiancé's penis. Anyone in their right mind could surely predict what kind of misadventure was likely to ensue from ​that ​combination, yet somehow this didn't seem to stop her. 

The girl in question took to the popular Reddit 'TIFU' feed - which, surprisingly enough stands for 'Today I Fucked Up' - to explain how the disaster unfolded. Brace yourself; even if you don't possess a penis, you'll probably find yourself cupping your crotch in protection nonetheless.

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Reddit user Cricketsins started by explaining that the incident "actually happened quite some time ago," which means she's probably spent a number of years getting over it before she was ready to talk about it in public.

Here's what happened...

"We were cleaning and he flashed me, I had the vacuum hose out so I threatened him with it. I didn't actually do anything at first, but then I turned the vacuum off and asked him if he'd ever done that. He said no, and we both got curious. I thought that was a thing that guys did, kind of like a rite of passage."

Yeah, sure. ​Toooootally ​normal. ​Everyone ​does that kind of thing, right? Er, no. Cricketsins continued:

"Apparently it's a thing that no guy should do, because the suction doesn't just pull the penis. It pulls the balls as well. Luckily, I had my hand on the 'off' switch just in case. He was in pain for a few minutes, but nothing severe. His junk survived."

Dear lord, isn't this the kind of shit that can make people infertile? Poor cock'n'balls.

At least his manhood survived in tact, just about. But one thing's for sure: we bet neither she nor her fiancé will go anywhere near a hoover for quite some time.

[H/T Someecards]

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