1. Those cooking videos all over Facebook just make you sad because you know you can never recreate them. There are 10 different ingredients and multiple steps involved? Nope, that's not going to happen.
2. Your fridge is basically empty at all times. So you never have snacks for friends, and you always need an excuse for when people ask why you only have wine and some carrots in your fridge. "Umm ... the power went out?"
3. You jump at literally any chance to have a home-cooked meal, but you never have anything to contribute. Nothing looks lamer than bringing a box of store bought cookies to a Christmas dinner/weekend picnic/office potluck/homemade brunch.
- You know that any time you even try to cook, there's a chance you'll start a fire. Even if you're not using anything with heat, fire is always a possibility.
5. You know that your future partner needs to be able to cook or else your children will starve. "Can you cook?" becomes one of the most important questions to ask on a date.
6. Whenever you make even the simplest thing (e.g. a salad), you have to document it for the whole world to see. LOOK, I PUT TOGETHER SOMETHING EDIBLE, AND I DIDN'T DESTROY THE KITCHEN IN THE PROCESS.
8. Whenever you do try to cook for someone, it never turns out like you wanted. If I try to cook for you, it's definitely a sign of super true love. But you still shouldn't expect it to taste good.
9. Grocery shopping is a continuous cycle of picking something up, wondering if you can cook it, putting it back down, and then leaving with only hummus and chips. If I put my mind to it, could I filet a fish and make a side caesar salad with homemade dressing and toasted croutons? No? Chips it is.
10. You have a soft spot in your heart for fast-food places. You know they're not healthy, and you should probably avoid them. But when it's late at night, you have no food in your fridge (see no. 2) and you are getting hungry, it's a better option than attempting to cook something and failing miserably. Fast food is there for you when your cooking skills aren't.
11. Most of your non-hummus dinners consist of pasta or scrambled eggs. You've figured out how to boil water and heat up a pan. But even still, you can never measure out the right amount of spaghetti and your eggs are always a little runny. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
12. Menulog and Foodora are your saving graces. Come home tired at the end of the day and don't want cereal for dinner again?Menulog. Having friends over for a movie night and realize you should probably feed them? Foodora. You know all the best places within a 10-mile radius of your apartment, and you always have the websites' tabs open on your computer.
13. Food is pretty much the only reason you ever talk on the phone. Because that one pizza/sandwich/salad place is stuck in the dark ages and doesn't have a website. Your favourite sushi place is on speed dial, and you have no shame.
14. People who can cook tell you that it's soooo easy and judge you hard-core for not being able to do it. I don't judge you for the things you can't do, so please stop the cooking-shaming. The ability to successfully bake lasagne is not gifted onto everyone.
15. When you try out those subscription boxes, you trick people into thinking you know what you're doing. Then they expect you to be able to cook like that all the time. Sorry, guys, the kitchen is closed.