1. Are you hungry?
Seriously, of course I'm hungry. I have just come off a pizza, chocolate, and cake binge. Now, I am gnawing on a celery stick daydreaming of looking like Gisele on my next sun holiday.
2. Does that diet really work?
Dude, I wouldn't be on this diet if I didn't think it worked. What I don't need is someone questioning the diet I picked after countless hours of online research until I finally gave up and decided to do the same-old diet I do every year. Jeez.
3. Have you tried…?
No, just NO.
4. How much do you weigh?
OK, I'm already hangry all the time and trying to hold it together, but this question could actually make me lose it. You'd think it's common sense never to ask a girl how much she weighs (my begrudging answer will always be 125lbs) but more importantly, it's none of your business. So, to avoid me slapping you in the face, I'll pretend you never said anything. Win-Win.
5. Have you lost any weight?
Unless I have started out the convo mentioning how much weight I already lost, DO NOT ASK. Obvs.
6. Do you drink enough water?
Yes, there are many many benefits of drinking water. I get it, thanks! BUT please DO NOT talk to me like drinking more water in my life will make me instantly lose 10lbs and cure me from the ravishing hunger that engulfs me from the moment I wake up. It won't.
7. Is that OK to eat on your diet?
THIS is the most crucial. If you see me eating something that doesn't seem healthy, do not acknowledge it. In fact, avert your eyes. I already feel bad enough cheating on my diet, so do not need someone pointing it out, unless you want all sorts of rage up on you. It's like someone reminding you something cringe-worthy you did/said when you were drunk, take my advice, just don't do it!