The 14 Best Ways to Get Out of a Bad Date

No. 5 is the perfect balance of flirty, sneaky, and incredibly rude.

21 March, 2018
The 14 Best Ways to Get Out of a Bad Date

​Dates are the best, except for when they're the worst. In fact, there's nothing like sitting through an entire meal or dumb activity to make you wish you'd followed your gut and stayed on the couch (where no one can terrorize you with an hour of awkward personal conversation). In truly dire date times, you could always just look your date in the eye and be a polite and honest person and say, "Look, this just isn't working for me and I'm gonna go home, but have a nice night!" But if you're like me and can't even imagine that sort of confrontation with near-stranger, you can instead use a sneaky tactic to worm your way out, so they don't even realize you've left until you're safely back home on your couch. Alone, just like you like it. 

1. Put a twist on the classic, "My friend just called and there's been an emergency" move by having a friend stage an actual emergency outside the restaurant. Don't make this anything *too* alarming because it would be the biggest annoyance ever if the police or paramedics showed up. But maybe like, a casual trip and twisted ankle scenario would be just dire enough to pull you away from your bad date (and make you seem like a total hero to everyone watching). 

2. Better yet, have two friends come to the same restaurant and stage a breakup so dramatic you have to leave with her immediately, and also maybe they have to close down the establishment. Bonus points if one of them throws a drink in the other's face (COMMIT to your roles). Not only is this a total mood killer, but if your date honestly asked you to stay after witnessing such a gruesome breakup, they're definitely a sociopath and you shouldn't be out with them anyway. 

3. After taking a single bite of your food, sneakily pinch your cheeks until they're red and be like, "Looks like I'm having an allergic reaction, GTG!" If your date wonders why you'd order something you're definitely allergic to, you can just say you forgot! Or, whoops, that you didn't realize parsley was in that fancy hamburger you ordered. 

4. Order fettuccine alfredo and midway through the meal, grab your stomach and fart super loud and then say, "Oh no, was that me?" This really only works if you don't mind embarrassing yourself, but hey, everybody farts, right? Your date would be remiss to request that you stay when you're so clearly experiencing gastric distress, and at least you got to experience half of your cheesy pasta. 

5. If your date just happens to be a walk in the park, suggest a flirty game of hide and seek and then instead of hiding, just run away while they're counting. Hide and seek is first and foremost an incredible way to flirt with a crush, but it's also a great way to turn hiding for a few minutes into hiding from your bad date forever and ever. 

6. Excuse yourself to go get more popcorn but actually go home. When your date asks what happened later you can just say, "Ugh, the line is soooooo long!" They'll think you're so caring and thoughtful for offering to miss a few minutes of the movie to get popcorn, and they probably won't even notice you've been gone for 30 minutes because 1. they can't have their phones out to check the time, and 2. they'll be so wrapped up in the movie they won't realize it's been way too long for a casual popcorn run.

7. Look your date deep in the eyes with a thoughtful expression on your face, pause for a moment, and then say, "I just started my period, it's important that I leave right now, immediately." Not only will they think you have crazy woman superpowers that allow you to tell the precise moment you start your period (IF ONLY), but no one wants to keep a woman out on the town when she clearly just wants to be at home, under a blanket, menstruating her day away. 

8. When your date's not looking, spill some water on your lap and be like, "Oh no! It looks like I peed all over myself." Another suggestion that only works if you're totally chill with actually looking like you're incontinent, but for a truly awful date, this can be worth it. 

9. If you've got $$$ to blow, hire a stunt double to switch places with you mid-date. The everywoman's option for this is to have a friend doppleganger (or a twin, if you're lucky enough to have one) switch with you. Maybe the stunt double/friend/twin will end up having a great time, and then it's like you've killed two dates with one stone. 

10. Suggest a casual activity like skydiving, maneuver your parachute so you literally land in a different city and it all looks like some weird accident. Only a feasible option for daredevils who feel alright with skydiving on a first date, but hey, it could happen. 

11. When hailing a cab or an Uber, put your date in first, close the door, and send the cab away. The key here is to do this very quickly, so they don't realize you're obviously not getting into the car. And then of course you've gotta make a quick getaway so they don't have the option to tell the driver to stop or turn the car around. 

12. Excuse yourself to freshen up your makeup, have a friend who's been waiting in the restroom return to the table, and when your date asks if she's a different person, tell her to say, "Seriously? I put on lipstick and you can't even recognize me?" And if that doesn't work, your date will think you're both insane and will end up leaving the date early themselves. A win-win situation!

13. When your date looks away, roll up into a ball on the floor and quietly somersault away before they turn back around. Maybe take a few basic gymnastics classes before this, so you can make sure your somersaults are top notch and silent. But this will not only get you out of the date, but make you feel like a stealthy ninja. A nice bonus incentive. 

14. If you're in a crowded space, duck down and slip away into the crowd, make for the first exit, never look back. Leaving a date when you're in a place that's filled with other people (like a crowded club or concert) is the easiest thing. Literally just walk away. And make sure you're not wearing anything that really stands out on your head, like, no ostentatious hats or whatever.

​Follow Hannah on Twitter.

Credit: Cosmopolitan
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