1. You've noticed some crow's feet around your eyes and you feel like they're distinguishing rather than dreaded. You also feel comfortable enough with yourself to embrace them rather than want to extinguish them with needles and filler and the disposable income you somehow never had until right about now.
2. You have absolutely no desire to be the 22-year-old in your office. She has #cool ombre hair and uses Snapchat and goes to open bars on Wednesday nights. Just thinking about all the energy those things require makes the bags under your eyes grow.
3. FOMO is a thing of your past. If you wake up and scroll through Instagram and see that all your friends were doing fun, hip things while you were sleeping you care about as much as you would if Ariana Grande released a new video.
4. He says "nightclub." You say "EW." Instead of FOMO nightclubs give you FOBT - Fear Of Being There.
5. Snapchat confuses you and you're fine with this. You had a younger cousin or sibling show you once or twice but it's too hard to remember everything about how it works so you just text like the uncomplicated grown-up human you are becoming.
6. You've stopped trying to have friendships with people who just plain suck. Like that girl who is too flakey to text you back or show up to anything you do? You'll just cut her right out of your life and not even miss her.
7. You may not have done everything you wanted to do in your twenties, but at least you know what those things are. You've sorted out your life goals and can see a clear path to achieving them. Whereas in your early twenties you were like, "WHO AM I WHAT AM I DOING WITH MYSELF."
8. You've gone from rolling your eyes at all the babies/wedding photos in your newsfeed to thinking they're adorable. You "like" them and then even comment "congrats!" And you really mean it.
9. Similarly, when babies show up to social events they no longer freak you out. You actually know how to interact with one now as opposed to just staring at them when they're in front of you on a plane and feeling really, really uncomfortable about it.
10. You like going to weddings. It's the only time you're around open bars anymore. Hey, just because you're almost 30 that doesn't mean you've lost all your YOLO.
11. You only get drunk by accident. Often at weddings. Sometimes at work parties. And every time you have a drink when you've been in the sun for more than 10 minutes.
12. If you know the restaurant is loud, you don't go there.
13. You'd rather pay 1000 for a good cocktail than drink the happy hour well special. Since you're drinking in a sophisticated fashion and not just to get drunk, taste matters. And if it tastes like it could clean your shower, you're not having it.
14. Similarly, you pay a little more money to fly at a tolerable hour rather than the 6 a.m. flight because it's cheaper. You even spring for economy comfort! Not being miserable is now worth some of your extra disposable income. Perk of getting older: you realize you tend to have more of that.
15. You use sunscreen like it pays you every time you reapply. And you never use SPF under 30. You don't care that much about being tan but you have seen enough skincare horror stories in the news to worry seriously about sun damage.
16. You've given up on trying to get rid of that [insert dumb body imperfection you used to obsess about here] because you've got way more important things to worry about. Like trying out one of those services that delivers ingredients for you to cook kind of fancy meals with at your home. Or furniture shopping somewhere that is not Ikea. Or figuring out how to invest your money. Or just plain living your life and having a frappuccino when you damn well feel like it.
17. You go to bed at 10 or 11 most nights. When you don't you feel like it.
18. You can give people good advice because you have wisdom about things now that you've lived a little. Man problems? You've had so many you know what is wrong with every flawed man who crosses your friends' paths and how they should respond to each specific breed of ass holery.
19. You have figured out the ultimate life hack: There are no life hacks. There are no shortcuts to anything. You know that everything good will come to you because you created it for yourself.
By Amy Odell
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