India Today Conclave
India Today Conclave

How to Handle a Hangover Like an Adult. Sort of.

BUT WE JUST WANT A MCDONALDS

21 March, 2018
How to Handle a Hangover Like an Adult. Sort of.

3.13am - get in from your night outWhat you want to do: Roll into bed, full face of makeup with your tights still on.

What you should do: Grab a makeup wipe (still a sin but slightly more acceptable), drink two pints of water and put on an eye mask. Oh GAHD THE EFFORT.

6.45am - your body clock wakes you upWhat you want to do: Check your phone for drunken messages and awkward pictures from last night.

What you should do: Drink more water, keep your eyemask on and force yourself back to sleep. Your future self will thank you for it later.

10am - time to wake upWhat you want to do: Lie in bed for another 4 hours/until you need to wee so badly you almost wet yourself.

What you should do: SHOWER. GOD DAMN IT SHOWER. The alcohol is seeping out of your pores and you stink. Stand under the shower head and lather yourself with body wash until the stench of vodka is no longer following you around.

10.30am-  breakfast timeWhat you want to do: Go to a greasy spoon cafe in your pyjamas. Lashings of bacon on buttery toast and brown sauce. Then a pizza. And then some more carbs. Essentially the dream.

What you should do: Eat food high in vitamins and stuff your liver loves. Avocado. Lemon and Green tea. Berocca. Eggs. More water. Bananas. Meh.

12pm - the hangover settles inWhat you want to do: Eat some more. Watch Disney movies. Maybe have a Bloody Mary - hair of the dog, innit? - and a milky coffee.

What you should do: Watch the Disney movies (obviously), and let your stomach settle before considering whether you're actually gonna get anything done today. Avoid the caffiene.

Between 3pm and 7pm - seeing it outWhat you want to do: Consider doing something productive before saying 'nahhhh', having a nap and waking up still in your onesie, covered in Doritos

What you should do: Something that doesn't involve much effort but still counts as productive. Call your mum, organise your shoes; basically do a bit of moving because it boosts the body's metabolism which naturally speeds up the rate your body gets rid of alcohol toxins.

​8pm onwards - is this what hell feels like?What you want to do: Sleep god damn it sleep. Zzzzzz.

What you should do: Wait until the normal time you go to bed, so you don't end up waking up well early the next day.

Alternatively you can eat all the junk food, watch all the movies and take all the god damn naps you want and still be classed as an adult handling a hangover. HOORAY.

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Credit: Cosmopolitan
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