What It's Really Like to Have a Threesome

Every time you see a threesome featured on TV or in a movie, you usually just see three people kissing and then waking up the next morning, leaving you with no idea of what actually happened in between. In this week's Sex Talk Realness, Cosmopolitan.com spoke with three women about their experiences with sleeping with more than one person at the same time and figuring out how to make it work. 

How old are you?

Woman A:  Twenty-two. 

Woman B: Forty. 

Woman C: Twenty-Five. 

How old were you when you first had a threesome?

Woman A:  Nineteen. 

Woman B: Forty. 

Woman C: Twenty-five. 

Were you in a relationship at the time? Who was in the threesome?

Woman A: I was not in a relationship. The threesome was me, my female friend, and a guy we met. 

Woman B: I was in a monogamous relationship that I'm still in. The threesome was me, my boyfriend, and another woman. 

Woman C: Yes. I have been in an open relationship with my male partner for 3.5 years. The threesome was him, myself, and another woman. 

Who brought up the idea of the threesome? 

Woman A: I brought it up with my female friend while at an event for a college organization we both belong to. During the night, we both realized we'd been checking out the same guy. My friend told me she really wanted to sleep with him and I laughed and said I did too. Instead of fighting over him, I joked that we should have a threesome. Less than two weeks later, we were all at a different party and that same guy had his arm around me and told me he really wanted to take me home. I said I wanted to but my friend would have to come with us. At first the guy didn't believe us, so he asked me and my friend to make out, which we did, and then we took a cab back to his apartment. 

Woman B: My boyfriend brought it up. I was definitely curious but also hesitant about it. I'd wondered about having a threesome before but I had no idea how it would work or what might happen. I'd also read so much about [how] threesomes could cause trouble in a relationship, so I really had to think about it. In the end, my curiosity won out. 

Woman C: My partner and I have been in an open relationship since day one, so it wasn't a shock when two or three months into our relationship he asked me if I wanted to try sleeping with other people together. Plus, even though I had only kissed one girl at that point, I knew I was interested in having a sexual experience with another woman. Overall, I thought the idea of a threesome sounded amazing and I was down to try it out. 

What was the process of choosing the person(s) involved? 

Woman A: Like I said, ours wasn't planned. My friend and I had joked about it before, but we never thought it would actually happen until that second party. Plus, the guy had no idea until we told him right before.  

Woman B: We spent a lot of time discussing the rules and boundaries that had to be in place during the threesome. I told him he couldn't French kiss her, but anything else he wanted to do was fair game. We also discussed what I would and wouldn't do (I wouldn't go down on her, but he would), and what positions we wanted to try (me sitting on his face while she gave him oral sex was my no. 1 pick). Then we used a local site to find an escort who had a "couple-friendly" reputation who we both felt was attractive. 

Woman C: My partner and I were part of a secret Facebook group for swingers in our area and were always on the lookout for a single girl we could have a threesome with. One day, I was browsing the group for new members and came across a really cute girl. I sent her a friend request and a private message telling her I found her in the group and she was absolutely gorgeous. I let her know that I had a male partner and we'd love to meet up to see if we all clicked. I already knew if I found her attractive then my partner would too. I showed him some of her photos later and he was totally on the same page. We ended up exchanging phone numbers and coordinated schedules to meet up. She had a really sweet personality via text, so that confirmed even more that we would be a match. Also, after she accepted my friend request, I could see that we had a good number of mutual friends who were swingers and I saw photos of her with those people, which helped confirm she was a real person and her pictures were accurate.

What was the hardest part about planning it?

Woman A: Leaving the party together without anyone else in our organization seeing us. 

Woman B: Finding the right woman to participate with us. Because it was my first threesome (it wasn't his first) and my first time being with a woman, he let me pick out the girls I thought were attractive. Then we'd look at them together to see how they dressed, how they posed in pictures, and how they marketed themselves. We kept narrowing it down over a period of a couple of months and then spent a week getting prices from a few just to see how much it would cost. He knew that whoever I wanted to choose as our third was going to be the final answer though, since he wanted me to be comfortable. Then one night, we just decided to go for it.

Woman C: The hardest part about planning it was worrying she would flake. My partner and I had met single girls before, and either our schedules would never quite match up, they would cancel last-minute, or we would meet them while out at a party and they'd just want to stay at the party all night. We aren't really party-all-night people, so that also contributed to how long it took us to actually make our threesome dream come true.

Was there anything you were particularly nervous about before the threesome happened?

Woman A: I was a little nervous about being with a woman sexually because I wasn't sure exactly how to do that, but it all happened so fast that there wasn't much time to be nervous. 

Woman B: Being with a woman. I was always curious but I had never even kissed another woman before. 

Woman C: Not really. I had been looking forward to having a threesome for so long that I was more excited that it would finally happen than anything else.

Where did you decide to do it?

Woman A: At the guy's apartment. 

Woman B: We did it at my house. 

Woman C: The woman that we found lived back in our hometown, so we planned to meet her while we were there visiting. We were staying with family, so we didn't really have a private space to bring her back to, so we booked a nice hotel room nearby to use for the night.

How did it start?

Woman A: We definitely had our hands down each other's pants in the cab and then once we got to his place, my friend and I started taking turns with the guy. 

Woman B: Since we decided to hire an escort, it was pretty straightforward. We spent some time talking with her to get to know her, then she initiated because my boyfriend and I were both too nervous. I think, given another chance, either he or I would initiate since we now have more of an idea what to expect.

Woman C: We started out by having some light appetizers and drinks at a restaurant together. The three of us all decided we didn't want to be drunk for the experience, so we stopped at just one drink. We had a lovely conversation and talked about our past sexual experiences. The woman said she'd had many threesomes before, so we got to hear a bit more about her experiences. One thing my partner and I had always intended to do when we found the right girl for our threesome was to make her the center of attention. Most threesomes tend to be a couple having sex and the girl becomes a third wheel, but we didn't want that. We told her we wanted to shower her with all of our attention sexually, and she shared that she had never experienced that before but had always wanted to. Knowing that all of us had fantasized and dreamed of having an experience like this just added to the anticipation and confirmed that it would be a fun night.

And what, uh, happened after that?

Woman A: My friend and I mostly took turns having cowgirl-style sex with him, with occasional breaks for the missionary position. Not much happened between her and myself besides us fingering each other occasionally. Then, after she went to sleep, he and I kept having sex. 

Woman B: She started with touching and undressing me while my boyfriend watched, then she went down on me while he was kissing and touching her and me simultaneously. After that, she started giving him a blow job while he went down on me and it all ended with him having sex with her while going down on me until we all finished.

Woman C: Once we got into the hotel room, we all stripped down to our underwear and started kissing. Then my partner and I gave her the first of many orgasms for the night with just oral sex. Then she and my partner removed the rest of my clothing and went down on me. Then the woman and I went down on him together. We took turns in a variety of positions trying to give her an orgasm until it was time for me to make my partner finish. Afterward, we all snuggled in bed to relax for a bit. She eventually went home and my partner and I stayed in the hotel together. 

Did the threesome go the way you'd imagined it would go? 

Woman A:  No, it wasn't as balanced as I would have liked it to be. I felt a little bad about leaving my friend [out of] a lot of it, but that's just how it happened in the moment, unfortunately. 

Woman B: Kind of, but not really. I told him we needed to try again another time because I wanted to be more actively involved than I was. I didn't say anything at the time, but I definitely felt disappointed. I said something to him later when we were alone about feeling left out and we talked about what I could have done differently. In the end, he simply laughed and said, "Next time, then." I know he'd do it again if I was up for it.

Woman C: It went better than I imagined. I didn't know going in that the other woman was a squirter or even if she would be able to have an orgasm, since so many women don't. Overall though, it was pretty on par with what I imagined it would be like. 

Were there any unexpected problems?

Woman A: No.

Woman B: No. I don't think that my not being involved as much as I'd wanted was a problem as much as it was a rookie mistake. Overall, it was an enjoyable experience, but my boyfriend agreed that he wished I'd been more involved with her. 

Woman C: No unexpected problems, though I wish we'd kept more water on hand. We were all really thirsty afterward and didn't have much bottled water in the room.

What was the most exciting part of the threesome?

Woman A: The danger of someone in our college organization finding out we'd all hooked up and being shocked by that. That was kind of thrilling. And it was fun for my friend and I to feel like we were seducing this hot guy together.  

Woman B: Seeing the excitement on my boyfriend's face when he got to play with two women.

Woman C: The most exciting part of the threesome was watching another woman get on top of my partner and ride him until she had an orgasm. It was quite possibly the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

The least exciting?

Woman A: Having sex with two people was a lot more difficult than I anticipated, especially since my friend and I are very straight. Trying to figure out how to involve everyone in the moment wasn't super fun.

Woman B: Everything was exciting.

Woman C: When she was sitting on my face and my neck got tired of flexing up to lick all the right spots.

What did you find to be the best positions for incorporating all three people into sex?

Woman A: Him on his back performing oral sex on one of us, while the other one was on top of him, cowgirl-style.

Woman B: Having one girl on top who is riding him, with the other sitting on his face because everyone's being pleasured at once.

Woman C: One woman on her back while the man gets between her legs, but stays upright (either to have sex or perform oral on her as well). This allows room for the other woman to sit on her face and receive oral. 

Did you and your partner(s) talk about the threesome afterward at all?

Woman A: My friend and I laughed about it afterward. We actually had a friend of ours pick us up the next morning and gave her details together. Luckily, my friend and I have such a good friendship that jealousy never entered the equation. She and I did talk afterward about how the threesome ended up being too much of me having sex with the guy and leaving her out, but there wasn't any jealousy or weird feelings. I think we all just thought it was a sexy little secret between us. 

Woman B: Yes. We talked about how we felt, what went well, what we would do differently, and whether or not we wanted to do it again. It wasn't a difficult conversation to have because we just joked about it first and then asked each other questions. I asked him about how it felt when he touched her, how she tasted, if he had fun, and if he would do it again. We still talk about it occasionally because it's part of our relationship and it was an experience we had together.

Woman C: Yes. After the threesome when we were all eating snacks, we talked about all of our favorite parts.

Did having a threesome with your boyfriend and someone else change your relationship change at all?

Woman B: Not really. We are open and honest about everything, and this was just a happy memory that we intend to repeat eventually. 

Woman C: If anything, our relationship became stronger and we grew closer after the threesome. Sharing such an open and freeing experience like that together really added to our relationship. 

Have you had more threesomes since then? 

Woman A: No, but I wouldn't be opposed to doing it again if the right opportunity came up. I would also be interested in doing more with the other woman. I was pretty sexually inexperienced for my first threesome, but I think I'm more confident now. 

Woman B: Not yet.

Woman C: I have not. I would love to have more eventually though. 

What do you think is the biggest misconception about threesomes, at least among women?

Woman A: That you'll know exactly what to do in the moment, because it was definitely harder than I thought. Also, when I had my first threesome, I felt like I had to stick to my heterosexual identity, which made it hard to get into having sex with a man and another woman. Now that I'm older, I would view myself as more sexually fluid and open to experiencing more. I think the threesome would've been a lot more fun if my friend and I had been willing to abandon the ideas we had about our sexuality. 

Woman B: That only young people have them.

Woman C: I think the biggest misconception is that jealousy will become an issue during or after the threesome, especially if it's two women and a man. Women seem to worry that their partner will end up liking the other woman better and leave them, but in my case, it just brought my partner and I closer together. 

What advice would you give to Cosmo readers who are considering having a threesome?

Woman A: Choose a partner who doesn't have any inhibitions about getting down and dirty. If you're single and choosing two other partners who are also single, make sure that you have a good enough relationship with both people involved so there won't be any jealousy or attachment. Definitely have a three-way cuddle afterward. Seriously, if you thought cuddling with one person was great, cuddling with two is amazing. 

Woman B: Be very picky about your third. Make sure you trust your partner completely, and that you both want it. Also, don't drink too much. Liquid courage is fine in moderation, but know your limit so you can really enjoy the experience.

Woman C: Make sure you are 100 percent onboard with doing it before you go through with it. Set clear boundaries beforehand and, of course, always wear protection even if the people say they're clean.

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