#1. The Sympathetic Sharer
"I'm so terribly fazed by this attack on (insert city/place/group of people) I will Share, share, share till I make some kind of difference! I mean, I can't donate or come down and help, but I'm totally game for signing whatever petition you want me to."
"HOW can you be so complacent in your ignorance, you heartless humans! Do you not care about your fellow companions in this journey of life? Do something! POST something!"
#3. The Chain-Mailer
"I've created a group to mourn the loss of lives. It's meant to connect us all with our deepest, saddest feelings about all of this—please, do make sure you join. If you don't, you clearly hate all humanity. And your heart is as black as night.
#4. Angry-With-The-Government Girl
"Because, if you think about it, this is really the government's fault. It's usually the government's fault. You know what would fix all this? ANARCHY!
#5. The Ball-Tosser
You care about country Z? What about countries, D, Q, and W? Where were you then? How dare you have sympathy NOW? The fact that you've chosen to care about this is unacceptable, because if you were gold standard, you would've given a f*ck from the start!
#6. The Did-You-Know Girl
"Stop being upset about the last thing you knew about Sad Event X! THIS new information will blow your mind and upset you SO intensely you will throw up your last three meals!!
#7. The 'In-Other-News' Girl
"Guyyyysss! SO much sadness! Let's just look at this ADORABLE dog instead! He's fighting a vegetable/ confused by a baby/ afraid of bath time! LOOK HOW ADORABLE!"