#1. The Socialiser
This person is here for one reason alone—to make friends. The gym is a space which is far less creepy than, say, approaching someone at a bar and hoping it leads to a #hangout. Watch this person carefully—they will happily give up their sit-ups to hang with you in the cardio section while you cross-train away. There will also most def be an exchange of phone numbers, should you permit it.
#2. The Minor Celebrity
There always be ONE person that's mildly famous in some fashion or the other, and it will give you a little kick because, while you may or may not be the type who's into celeb sightings and 'Oh my god, guess who I ran into?!' selfies, but running on the treadmill next to the hot guy from that movie you saw last month will still give you the cool feels.
#3. The Strong and Silent Guy
This person has not spoken to you despite two years of having had the same gymming time-window. Why? Not because he's stuck up. But because he's quiet and focused, and is too busy giving you #fitnessgoals to have a conversation. He's always there already when you walk in, and still doing his thing when you can no longer breathe—but he has zero time for chatter.
#4 The Weight-Lifter
You have never once in your years seen the man do a spot of cardio. He's always pumping serious iron (read: lifting degrees of weights you can't fathom hitting even if you spent all day buffing up). His upper body to lower body ratio is so off, you're waiting for the day he tips over from a light breeze. That being said, the man would be the guy you turned to should you ever injure an ankle on the stairmaster and need an airlift outta there.
#5 The Skinny B*tch
This girl CLEARLY has no need for the gym. She's always there, teensy shorts on and her arms and legs looking exactly like you pinned them on your imaginary 'ideal body' moodboard, and doing some light cardio here and there because, really, what else does she even need? You've even seen candy bars in her gym bag, much to your chagrin, and you hate her 20 percent extra for it.
#6 The Texter
This person is only there to assuage themselves about going to the gym. 'Went to the gym—check.' They have no desire to work out, and you'll catch this species walking on a treadmill at a default speed while they smile away their phone. The only part of their body you'll see in motion is their finger tapping away at a smartscreen.
#7 The Good-At-Sh*t Guy
There's nothing that fazes this person (it could be a girl as well, it just happens to be a guy at this writer's gym), and whatever exercise you'll find in the book, he'll do it with such ease and finesse, it'll upset you no end. You know this man simply by the air of fitness he exudes, and also by the sinking feel of despondency and despair in the 'I'm never going to be fit' vicinity that pervades your being in his presence.
You have no idea what the people at the gym think of you, but you're pretty sure they see the sweaty, crazy, trying-to-keep-up person that you are. Unless, of course, you fall into one of the other categories. And if that category is The Skinny B*tch, well, then, you can go to hell.