"I Don't Let People See Me Without Makeup"

"It's not a beauty contest, Maggie." A phrase I hear almost daily. My mom sends this reminder as I swipe a bit of mascara on my eyes to go food shopping or as I hurriedly put blush on, minutes before our dinner reservation. Ideally, young women are fresh-faced, dewy-complexioned girls who wake up with full lashes, perfectly tinted lips, and impeccable skin. In reality though, if you are like me, you suffer from stress breakouts and are blessed with sensitive, fair Irish skin. Rosy cheeks? Talk about rosy face.

I am definitely not one of those girls who can wake up, ready to take on the day without feeling like I need to apply a hint of makeup. From the time I was running track my freshman year of high school, I was running races with foundation and mascara intact. It didn't matter to me that by the end of the race, I would look end up looking like a sweaty lobster anyway. As long as I had a clear complexion and my eyes popped, I felt better about myself.

I'll admit it. I'm super jealous of girls with perfect skin. If I had perfect skin, I would undoubtedly go without makeup. Of course, there are things I love about myself, like my golden-specked blue eyes and my long eyelashes, but there are things I'd also like to change, like my unpredictable breakouts. I know imperfections seem more acute when we're staring at ourselves in the mirror, but sadly, it's hard not to feel like they are the only things other people notice about us too. My solution? Makeup.

If there is one thing I am known for, it is being put together at all times. In high school, I accepted the fact that almost all girls in our solely female school went without makeup, so I followed suit. But the minute there was a boy involved, makeup was most definitely in the picture. From the moment I stepped foot on my college campus a year ago, I have essentially never been without makeup, save for the time I shower until I wake up in the morning, when only my closest friends see me. Basically, I am afraid to be without makeup in front of guys.

The funny thing is, I am not fooling anyone by wearing makeup. It's not so much that I look different with makeup on — it's that I feel different. I have always been self-conscious of my temperamental skin, so I use some concealer to even out my skin tone. Sometimes my eyelashes fall flat, so coat them with mascara to make my blue eyes pop even more. I use a hint of blush on my cheekbones to liven up my pale complexion, and if I'm feeling adventurous, I might swipe on a tame shade of lipstick. I use fewer than five products, which take less than 10 minutes to apply, but they make me feel like the best version of myself, so why should it matter if I hate going without them?

Most people, like my mom, will encourage girls like me to go without makeup. "You don't need it," "You're beautiful the way you are," etc. Truth be told, though, the fact that I don't let anyone see me without makeup is not doing any damage. Yes, for the most part, people see me with minimal to a full-face of makeup, but it's not like I'm painting on a new face or catfishing anyone into believing I look like an entirely different person. If I were to wipe my makeup off, no one would be shocked by what's underneath, because I'm only enhancing my features, not masking or reconfiguring them.

When I say I never let anyone see me without makeup, I don't mean to imply that every single inch of my face is veiled beneath products from Sephora. If I'm running an errand or working out on the treadmill, you'll catch me with my eyelashes curled and some concealer to hide the redness of a breakout. If I'm going out, you'll see the result of a dime-size amount of BB cream, concealer, blush, and some eyeliner. These are not life-altering or fraudulent products, people. Makeup is not a sin. It's there if you want to use it and fine if you don't.

Listen, not everyone is as lucky as those girls who get the occasional zit every month or those who were born with bronzed-skin and rosy cheeks built in. Hopefully, one day, I won't feel the need to rely on makeup, but that will be the day my skin decides to clear up. Unfortunately, that day is not today. I've gone without makeup before and I'll probably go without it again, but for now, I want to present my best self to people. And if that means playing up my eyes with some mascara and taming my rosy complexion with a dab of concealer, so be it. I'm still me.

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