20 Women Get Real About Their First Time Having Sex

No matter how old you are or what the circumstances are, having sex for the first time can feel like a huge deal. Everyone's experiences are different. Below, 20 girls get real about the first time they had sex — how they knew they were ready, who they did it with, and how they felt afterward. 

​​1. "I love my boyfriend and I was ready, so we had sex. I'm on the Pill and we used condoms. ​It didn't hurt at all. I was so happy to be making love with him. I liked the feeling of being so close to him. But physically I thought it felt weird — like it didn't really feel all that great and I didn't feel tons of pleasure. Afterwards, I expected to feel more mature and more confident, but I really just felt the same as I always have. I don't really feel like losing your virginity is as big of a deal as everyone makes it out to be. I'm happy that I had my first time with someone I love, so, in that aspect, losing my virginity was really great because of how much I love my boyfriend." — Krista, 19​

2. "I had a group of friends over on a Friday night my first semester of college. One friend asked if he could crash at my place. I wasn't expecting it to turn into anything — I didn't even know he felt attracted to me that way. It was very spur of the moment, but we did use a condom. He was my good friend and I trusted him, so even though we didn't talk about it beforehand, it felt right and okay and was even pretty exciting." — Beatrice, 19​

​3. "I lost it when I was 14 on my boyfriend's brother's futon and I bled all over the pristine white comforter. If it had been with anyone other than my boyfriend it would have been sooo embarrassing." — Kelsey, 22

4. "At 17, I was convinced I was the very last virgin in college. I was obsessed with the fact that I was a virgin, sizing up my classmates, puzzling over whether any of them were virgins, too. One of my high school crushes invited me to hang out one weekend, and according to my experienced roommate, it was apparent that he wanted to have sex. We used protection. He was considerate and gentle and quite kind. The experience as a whole was very positive.​ I didn't have sex again for another two and a half years. I was ready and glad to no longer be a virgin, but I was not ready for the risk and responsibility of being sexually active. I have no regrets — either about how I lost my virginity or how long it took me to have sex again, because both were a reflection of me being good and ready.​" — Chloe, 22​

​5. "I lost my virginity when I was 15 to my boyfriend who was 17 at the time. We decided to do it after about three months of dating, when I knew for sure I was ready. We used a condom. Honestly, I didn't feel different after than I did before. Maybe just a little more mature. If you really think you're ready, and you and your partner protect yourselves, it can be a really cool thing." — Kayleigh, 17​

6. "Though I was an 'early' bloomer when it came to kissing and dating, I was 20 when I lost my virginity. I decided that I wanted to wait until college to lose it, but when I finally got to college, I didn't really meet anyone that I wanted to have sex with, especially not for my first time. I ultimately decided to lose it to a guy that I really, really liked but wasn't in a relationship with. I was just so ready to 'get it over with,' and this guy was (and still is) a great guy. My one regret in the entire experience is that I didn't tell him that I was a virgin. To this day he doesn't know! I was so scared that I was going to freak him out, but really, a lot of awkwardness could have been avoided if I'd just been honest." — Shannon, 22​

7. "I'd always thought I would wait until marriage, but the older I got, the bigger the fuss about sex got. I was 17 and I just wanted to get it over with. I asked one of the people that knew me best at the time, my sort-of boyfriend, if he would take my virginity, and he agreed. We used condoms. At first, we couldn't find the hole, but eventually, we did. Afterwards, I didn't feel much different." — Alby, 18​

8. "I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 11 months when I was 16. He was two years older than me and not a virgin, and he had been trying to persuade me for a couple months beforehand. When we finally did have sex, it was when I was ready. I was glad that I didn't give in until I was really ready. It was painful and slightly awkward. I had this weird feeling of elation once it was over, though, because I had always wondered what it would be like, and it had finally happened. I've never had any real regrets about the person I experienced it with or how it went down. (Although I will say it would have been better in a bed and not in the passenger seat of a Honda Civic...)" — Andi, 21​​

9. ​"I guess it was two or three months into my relationship with my first girlfriend when I was 15. There wasn't one specific moment when it happened. It was more of a progression from one stage to the next rather than 'here's the moment I lost my virginity' because we're both girls. I was excited and nervous and happy about the whole thing." — Sophie, 17

​10. "When I was 17, I had this guy friend who I had been friends with for a while. We were both virgins and just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't pleasurable or even fun, and throughout the entire process all I could think about was, when will this be over? Moral of the story — wait until you're really ready." — Lee, 22​

11. ​"My first time sucked. It was during my freshman year of college with an upperclassman frat bro. We'd been talking for months and I was convinced he liked me, though looking back on it now, his texts of 'What are you doing tonight?' weren't so much him liking me as they were him just wanting to get into my pants.​ Although he was relatively sweet to me during it, it still hurt like a b*tch and I got nothing out of it. At all. What stung the most was what happened after. He didn't text me at all and when I saw him at a party the next weekend he completely avoided me. If I walked into a room and we made eye contact he would immediately turn and walk out. It felt like a huge slap in the face. I liked him, but he had finally gotten what he wanted and that was it. He was over me. I wanted nothing more than to go up to him and yell and ask him why he was being so mean to me when I had done nothing wrong, but every weekend he would completely avoid me or be talking with another girl when I walked by. I have to admit that I'm still not 100% over it or him." — Cassidy, 19

12. "I was 17 and had been dating a guy for about two months. I knew I wanted to sleep with him. I thought about it for about a week to be sure, but I knew I was ready. I brought it up first, but quickly added that if he didn't want to yet, we could wait. He immediately said he wanted to, but asked about five times if I was sure I was ready, making sure I knew that he wouldn't care if I changed my mind. He made me feel safe, he made me happy, and that made me even more sure than before that I wanted to sleep with him." — Emily, 19​

​13. "I lost my virginity when I was 15 years old. It was with a guy friend that I spent a lot of time with and did physical things with, but we weren't technically in a relationship. However, we were really good friends and I felt comfortable with him. Sex had been in the back of my mind for a while. I asked him about one month in advance if he wanted to do it with me, and he said yes. He had never had sex before, either. We used a condom, which he more than willingly agreed to do. Before we did it, I felt extremely nervous, but a good kind of nervous – it was something I really wanted to do, I just didn't want to mess it up. Afterward, I honestly felt closer to him emotionally and physically, and I could tell he did too. Our relationship ended up becoming more serious and eventually we started dating for real.​" — Amanda, 23

​14. "I lost mine last year, when I was 19. The guy I lost it to was my first love. When we finally tried to have sex, it hurt unusually badly. We kept trying the whole night, but it just wasn't happening. I eventually found out I had cysts on my ovaries. We broke up about five months later. Afterwards, I thought I had wasted that special moment on someone who didn't deserve it. But now, I'm grateful because that experience probably saved my life. We are on good terms now, so I'm glad to say it wasn't a mistake." — Rachel, 20​

​15. "I was 19. It happened during a Netflix and chill situation and things were escalating pretty quickly. The guy I had been talking to didn't know I was a virgin, and I didn't tell him because I was afraid it would scare him off. Losing my virginity was quick and for the most part painless. It was no worse than period cramps. Once I got home, I felt guilty because it wasn't how I imagined losing my virginity, and not something you get back. I cried for a little bit and then decided there wasn't anything more I could do about it. I couldn't change what had already happened. All in all it wasn't terrible, and I'm not sure I would change it.​" — Kylie, 20

​16. "I lost mine at 19 to my first boyfriend. I had wanted to wait until we had reached the six-month mark of our relationship, but it was about four and a half months into our relationship. It was on my bed in my dorm on a Sunday (which I remember because his dad is a pastor!) and it was actually totally fine. I had no pain, and it just felt right. He was gentle and it was loving. I knew I was ready because I just looked at him and wanted to be with him.The fact that he hadn't pressured me before helped, too. I remember whispering that I was ready, and he asked me twice before we actually did it if I was sure. We spent time after just cuddling and I felt so happy." — Rachel, 24​

​17. "I was 21. Before then, I hadn't gone very far past first base. I don't necessarily know if I felt ready or if I just felt like it was about time I got this over with, but I was doing everything I could to find the right guy. After many, many failed dates, I met my first boyfriend at a film festival. He was cute, European, and really into me. Within a week, he was asking me to be his girlfriend. I didn't know how I felt about him, so I kept putting off becoming official. One day, we were fooling around and he asked to put on a condom. I was definitely into it, so I said, 'OK, I want to be your girlfriend now. Put on the condom.' Even though we broke up later, he cared about me in the moment and that's all that mattered." — Alex, 23​

​18. "I lost my virginity the summer I turned 20. I had just started the Pill and I was really afraid of getting pregnant and 'ruining my life,' which was the message I'd received growing up. I put a towel down. I wasn't afraid of what it would feel like; mostly I was just afraid I wouldn't be good at it. Despite his efforts to the contrary, it hurt a lot. I just pushed through, thinking that eventually it would get better.The problem was, it never got better. Three years went by and sex still hurt. Several doctors later, I learned the culprit was a condition called endometriosis. With endo, the lining of your uterus grows in places it shouldn't, like your fallopian tubes, ovaries and sometimes elsewhere in your body. There's no cure for endo and treatments are limited, but there are more ways to enjoy sex than just intercourse alone." — Abby, 24​

​19. "I met a guy during summer orientation the weekend before I started college. We made out after an orientation party, then kept in touch through thousands of flirty texts all summer long. When we finally got to college, we spent hours hooking up every day. I kept hoping he'd take me out on a date — I wanted him to be my boyfriend — but that never happened. After three weeks of him pressuring me to have sex, I finally felt ready. Thirty seconds after it was over, he got up, got dressed, and left. He ignored my texts, never spoke to me again, and avoided eye contact every time we ran into each other for the next four years. I was furious at him for being such a jerk, but at least I knew that any sexual encounter I had after that would be lightyears better by comparison. (And they were!)" — Maria, 22​

20. "I was almost 21, I was (finally) in a relationship with a guy I was crazy about, and I knew I was as ready as I'd ever be. I had waited to have sex because I wanted my first time to be with someone that cared about me and would be around to share not just the physical act, but the emotions that came with it as well. I was scared that sex would hurt, and that fear made me more tense, so even though I was happy to be sharing that intimacy with my partner, I couldn't really relax and it hurt a bit. Afterwards, I was relieved that I'd finally gotten it over with, and didn't know if I would ever think sex was fun. In the next weeks I learned that our culture obsesses about making the first time perfect, but chances are that the second, third, fourth, etc. times will be so much better. There's less subconscious pressure, and you'll learn what feels good for you. Also, lube is probably something you want to have." — Tori, 22