This Guy Enjoyed a Blow Job So Much… He Pooed

Everyone has one or two nightmare sex stories in the closet of their memory, but this one knocks being walked in on, queefing and saying the wrong name in bed out of the park. 

You ready?

So this one guy, Reddit user Nonononoshitshitshit, was enjoying some down time (as in right down, south of the border down) with a woman he'd been seeing. It was a weekend morning after the two of them had shared a couple of bottles of wine and a good old laugh the night before.

The pair had woken up and started chatting and joking as she stroked his chest – although he wasn't laughing as the previous evening's contents was knocking on his back door… painfully.

He did his best to hold it all in but, when the sweet, sweet release of orgasm flooded though him, his business flooded out.

Read the story (and the brilliant twist at the end) in full, it's genius…

Here is the most embarrassing situation I have ever been through and it happened this morning which is nice because it's the weekend and I can share it with you. There's a woman that I've been hanging out with a lot lately and apart from a cuddle and the occasional kiss here and there it has been very platonic thus far. I suppose her company is actually far more exciting than the prospect of anything sexual. I've never felt that way, and it's an incredibly nice feeling. I'm enjoying my newly single life after a long relationship so I wasn't really interested in pursuing a relationship, but this woman's slowly filling my brain with these confusing thoughts and I'm thinking that I may want to consider something more. It's important that you understand my thoughts over the last week - I really like her. Last night, I head over to hers and we drank a few bottles of wine and had a good laugh, one thing led to another and our platonic relationship turned sexual. So we finish up, lay there, cuddled and fell asleep. 2 hours later, I'm awoken by a rumble in my tummy. I can tell it's going to be diarrhea, but she was laying on me and I was too embarrassed to wake her up only to bomb her toilet, so I decide to suck it up and hope that my body absorbs all that excess liquid in my poo by the time we actually wake up. So this morning, we wake up and laid there having a lovely conversation which lasted for an hour or two and through it all I can feel gas building up within me. I couldn't let it out. Not when this girl that I like so much is sharing this incredible moment with me. I persistently block any gas from escaping all while she's laying on my chest running her fingers over my body and moving down to my loins. Some mouth to rod business is conducted and as this is going on, I'm really trying hard to enjoy it because that pesky gas was becoming harder and harder to contain. Then she gets me to climax. That beautiful moment was accompanied by a sound....a loud "FFFWWWWIIIIIPPPP!" sound echoed in the room, almost as if a really bad trumpet player was in the room with us. Filled with embarrassment, I try to shift my body away, but as I did this, that trumpet player sound seemed to be interrupted by an angry mob flinging rotten fruit at him. The force of my flatus fired a spray of barely digested butt nuggets all over the bed and on this woman's chest. I'm laying there absolutely mortified, my eyes were bigger than Godzilla's balls and she is laying there beside my balls, gagging with my wasted seed and shit all over her. Anyway, we cleaned up the mess and she tried to make me feel really comfortable about the whole situation and kept me around for a few more hours, tried to feed me things for my upset tummy and told me all sorts of funny embarrassing stories of her own to make me feel better. I doubt you'd care about this bit, but I just thought it was really nice of her. I still cringe so much thinking about what happened, but on the plus side she seems like a keeper.

And you'll never guess what… Reddit user Nonononoshitshitshit is actually engaged to the girl now! He recently updated his original post saying, 'We've been together this whole time and many of you suggested that I marry her. So that's what's happening. In June.'

How lovely, we bet he's bursting with excitement.​