11 Things "Chill Girls" Need To Stop Saying

Being a women can be intensely bizarre. You spend your teen years being told you need a million beauty products to make you not look like a monster, but then you turn 20 and you're told it's cooler to claim you don't care about any of that. The catch? You still have to look as put together as a woman who does care. And how many times have you told a guy that you didn't care if you labeled things, when you actually kind of did care? My guess is "too many." Here are the biggest lies we end up telling about how totally chill we are, when in actuality we're people who care about things. You know, aka humans. 

1. "I just have naturally good skin." If you woke up every single day and didn't touch your skin or put anything on it ever, fine, sure. But when you do like 3 sheet masks a week and moisturize religiously, you don't "just have good skin" like a genie gave it to you when you were born. You work at it, and that's OK!

2. "I work out when I can." Which is still pretty regularly, so just admit that. You like exercise. That's understandable. 

3. "I don't really do anything to my hair. I just wash it and go." Yes, you just wash it in super expensive conditioners and then put in leave-in treatments and a hot oil treatment on the weekend. And you're purposely air dry sometimes so that you don't damage your hair with heat. Nothing about you is actively trying to have good hair. Nope. 

4. "I don't really wear makeup." Translation: I have put together a painstaking "natural" makeup look of tinted moisturizer, under-eye concealer, mascara, and sheer lip gloss. All of which would generally be considered make-up. Breathe. You like make-up. It's OK. 

5. "I'm the kind of girl who just throws on a pair of sweats when I leave the house." Yeah, OK, you didn't exactly buy them at Wal-Mart in the "I've given up" section and also wearing cute sweatpants is totally in right now. Don't act like you didn't know it was. 

6. "I'm cool with our dating status being "whatever." Sometimes this is true, but we've all said that knowing full well we knew exactly what we wanted. We just didn't want to be "that girl" who had needs. Eff that. Have those needs, girl!

7. "I was thinking we could go to this great Greek place, but honestly I could eat anywhere." Look, if you had a specific restaurant in mind, you probably Googled the hell out of it beforehand and really want to go there. It's OK to admit you have an ideal destination for where you spend your night. It's your night too!

8. "I'm already at the restaurant, but feel free to get here whenever. I'm just chilling." And by that I mean "angrily waiting for you to walk through those doors because you said 7:30 and it's 7:45 and you haven't left the house." But I won't say that because I am sooooo chill. 

9. "It's fine." I would guess that 90 percent of the times when women say they're fine they actually mean, "Nothing about this is or will ever be fine. But I am trying to make it fine. I am breathing deeply. I am breathing deeply. OK. I have suppressed it." 

10. "I don't usually orgasm anyway." While I have friends with anorgasmia and don't want to say that's not a thing, so many chill girls will push men away from their vaginas after they've disappointed them sexually and then take the blame for it. If you usually orgasm with a vibrator or with your hand or with almost every single one of your ex-boyfriends, you don't owe him an "It's fine." Help him get you off and admit it's not "fine" that he gets an orgasm and you don't. 

11. "I woke up like this." See also: "Oh please, I just rolled out of bed." It's totally understandable if you woke up looking like a person who just woke up and then took a reasonable amount of time to make yourself look the way you want to look. Especially since almost everyone on earth does this. 

Let us all be un-chill. 

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