13 Extremely Easy Ways To Fake A Clean House In 5 Minutes

Living in your own filth is great until people — your friends, your parents, the person you're having sex with — decide to spring themselves on you and show up at your house. Oh god, they're going to see how you live, surrounded by piles of dirty dishes in the sink and little droppings of underwear on the floor. But you can totally fake your way to a not-gross home in a few minutes. Here's how:

In the Living Room

The name of the game in the living room is just to tidy — think uncluttered surfaces, invitingly fluffed-up cushions, and neat piles.

1. If you've got a lot of clutter in the living room, grab a basket, bin, or even a structured tote or shopping bag and stash as much as you can inside. If your container is open on top, place a nicely folded blanket on top of it to make it look like your clutter stash is actually an inviting pile of extra throws for movie night. And then pray that no one reaches for the throw.

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2. Since what we're looking for is only the shallowest of cleaning sprees, don't underestimate the power of simply squaring up piles of books and magazines, corralling remotes, and setting smaller items like area rugs and ottomans back in their rightful position.

3. Fluff up couch and side chair cushions, and arrange throw pillows attractively. If you keep blankets or throws in your living room, fold those neatly and drape them over the armrest or back of your furniture.

4. If you've got the time for it, run the vacuum — a vacuumed carpet will instantly make a room look clean. Similarly, if you have a feather duster or microfiber cloth handy, go ahead and give surfaces like coffee and side table, window ledges, and bookshelves a quick dusting.

In the Bathroom

Your guests are almost guaranteed to ask to use your bathroom, so make this space a priority. Because this is a quick clean, reach for the one product that's going to do most of the work for you: Glass cleaner. Grab a roll of paper towels too, and get your butt in gear — this is going to go super fast.

5. Spray a wad of paper towels with the glass cleaner. Use that to wipe the top and underside of the toilet seat, the flusher, and the top of the tank, where dust and hairs tend to gather. When you've got the lid flipped up, check for any stray hairs (sorry!) in the space where the bowl meets the tank.

6. Give the toilet bowl a few sprays with the glass cleaner and let that sit while you do the rest of the bathroom. Once you're done, give the toilet bowl — which has been marinating in glass cleaner — a quick swipe with a toilet brush and then flush.

7. Using a fresh paper towel sprayed with glass cleaner, wipe the mirror free of streaks and toothpaste spittle, and then do the same to the sink basin. If the sink area and countertops are cluttered, either stash your stuff out of sight or line items up neatly, then wipe down the cleared-off surfaces.

8. To create the appearance of a tidy bathroom, straighten the hand towels, hang the bathmat, and close the shower curtain or door. If your hand towels are looking a little overly used and you don't have fresh ones nearby, flip them so the clean side facing the wall it turned outward, and the dirty side is facing the wall.

9. Since you're going to be closing the shower curtain, you can throw any clutter-y things into the tub. No one's going to look back there anyway.

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10. Pick up any underwear that you may have left behind after your morning shower!

In the Kitchen

Clutter will make your kitchen look way messier than a few stray crumbs, so just focus on clearing surfaces.

11. Got a pile of dishes in the sink and no time to wash them? If you have a dishwasher, load it. If not, neatly stack your dishes, stick utensils in tall glassware, and stash it all in the refrigerator or oven. Just don't forget it's in there!

12. If your countertops or kitchen table are covered with unopened mail, phone chargers, loose condiment packets, whatever, grab all that clutter, dump it in a shopping bag, and set it out of sight. Then, give the surfaces a quick wipe with a damp sponge, dishrag, or paper towels.

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13. Is the smell of last night's chili still lingering in your kitchen? Boil fragrant stuff like citrus peels, cinnamon sticks, or cloves in a small saucepan to make the room smell amazing. Yay, now you can welcome your guests into your home and give them a satisfied smile when they say, "Wow, your place is so clean!"

Styled by Helin Jung.