12 Things That Will Absolutely Happen On Your First Vacation As A Couple

1. You will have an emotionally devastating argument at the airport. And if it's not at the airport, rest assured you will have some sort of panic-induced fight about your connecting flight once you've boarded, not factor in the time difference in your layover, and demand to know why the hell he isn't freaking out over your 15-minute connection. This will all go away the moment a friendly flight attendant — who quite frankly should double as a relationship therapist — explains to you the concept of time zones, and pours you a Bloody Mary. Don't try and fight it.

2. You will not be able to sit together at some point in your trip, and you'll feel like you're in middle school again. Your rational, adult brain understands that this is just a 20-minute shuttle bus ride from the airport to the hotel, but the thought of being separated for even 30 seconds is enough to make you certain the world is going to end. You will sit like a sullen teenager until you're a mere 2 inches apart once again. Throughout the duration of your trip, you will ask approximately six strangers to switch places with you, and you will have no regrets.

3. Fighting over directions in the car will test your relationship to its breaking point. It doesn't matter where you're going. It doesn't matter who is driving. It doesn't matter who can plot the most efficient route on Google Maps. No matter what, each of you will be convinced of your own navigational superiority, and the pointless arguments it will spawn are enough to make you wonder if you might end up in a Cancun holding cell for strangling your boyfriend with an iPhone lighting cord.

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4. You will make him take literally hundreds of versions of the same photo until it's perfect. How else will you preserve your memories and gain the approval of your peers we all so desperately crave? The iconic "we're serious enough about each other to go on vacation together Insta" is honestly worth it though.​

5. You will have. So. Much. Sex. The gorgeous views out of your hotel window, the lack of responsibility, and the novelty of having sex in sheets you're not responsible for washing afterward is the only aphrodisiac you'll need to get it on more than you probably have in the last month combined. Pace yourself.

6. One of you will get absurdly sunburned. Try as you might, those spray cans literally always miss a spot. Of the two of you, this will most likely be him, since men seem to think testosterone is a natural shield from the sun's rays.

7. One of you will get too sunburned to have sex. I LOVE YOU BUT YOUR TOUCH FEELS LIKE BURNING HOT MAGMA ON MY SKIN.

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8. You will drink too much celebratory champagne and be too sleepy to have sex. Vacation calls for celebrating, which is great, until all those giddy bubbles turn into yawns and lights out. But it's totally fine, because then...

9. You get to wake up the next day and have "I'm sorry I fell asleep last night but now I'm totally down to have morning sex" sex. You will pair this with breakfast in bed delivered from room service, and you will never be happier.

10. One of you will get food poisoning. Or at least very poorly timed diarrhea, and you'll know then whether or not you're in it for the long haul.

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11. You'll get a little bored, and that's OK. If this is your first vacation, odds are you're not cohabiting, so this is probably the longest amount of consecutive time you've ever spent together. Which means, when you're not filling every spare moment with sightseeing and restaurants and laying out, things might be a little ... well ... boring. No, this does not mean you are boring. If you can enjoy the jam-packed itinerary and the quiet moments where you're simply alone together in a hotel room, you'll know you're doing just fine.

12. When you get home, you'll feel closer than ever. The best part of taking a vacation with your person is not the vacation. It's coming home with a fresh crop of memories, knowing their bathroom routine frontward and backward and still wanting to have sex with them, and realizing just how much you really do love being around them. Regardless of what shitty hotel TV they made you watch.

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