We know how hard it is to resist ripping each other's clothes off when you and a guy are feeling frisky. But if you think a new lust object could have long-term love potential, you might want to delay doing the deed. "The sex will be more intense when it does happen because you'll feel comfortable and connected," says sex therapist Gloria G. Brame, Ph.D. Now here's the real shocker: the majority of men want you to make them sweat it out…a little. According to a Cosmo sex survey, 58 per cent of guys would rather go on a few dates before bedding a girl they like. Read on to learn why it's beneficial—for your sex life and future relationship—to take your time, plus how to keep things red-hot while you're holding off.
Why He Wants to Wait
Sure, there are a lot of horny hounds just looking to get laid. But when a guy really digs a chick, he doesn't mind taking a chill. How come? Blame it on the old double standard. "If a woman sleeps with a man too soon, he can't help but wonder if that's what she's done with every other guy who's come along," says Michael Gurian, author of What Could He Be Thinking? How A Man's Mind Really Works. If you are slower to hop in the sack, he'll think he's one of the elite few who's been lucky enough to get busy with you.
He also doesn't want to romp right away, because he's paranoid you'll slip into insta-monogamy mode. "Men know that women often assume they're exclusive once they have sex with someone," says Gurian.
The Bonding Bonus
When a relationship is brand-spanking-new, you want to spend every possible second getting it on. However, "people sometimes use lovemaking as a short-cut to intimacy," says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., professor of sociology at the University of Washington and author of Everything You Know About Love And Sex Is Wrong. If you takesex out of the equation for a little while, you can focus on learning about each other.
Too-soon sex can also make you overlook a fella's flaws. "Once you sleep with a man, you suspend judgement because you want to make it work," says Brame. Meaning, you could end up falling for a guy who's completely wrong for you and not figure it out until months later when the love buzz wears off.
So how long should you put him on hold? While this is really an individual decision, a general rule of thumb is to wait for about four to eight dates. "Many couples have found that holding off until at least the fourth date has led to more successful relationships," says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., the staff sexologist at www.mypleasure.com. Just promise to make it worth his while.
Building the anticipation will make the experience even more exciting for the two of you. "The sensual energy continues to grow, so by the time you finally do have sex, it's a huge rush and release," says Gardos. And your temporary no-sex status will inspire your erotic imagination to take you to new heights. So, your eventual action will not only be very intense but very inventive as well.