Q. My guy asked me to use "some teeth" on him during oral. Um, won't this hurt him?
A. Ah, teeth and penises—mixing the two might be tricky, but you got this. Just remember there's a difference between a light, sensual graze of your pearly whites and a big old bite. Try "gentle nibbles, using your teeth to tickle his shaft," suggests Amy Levine, Founder of sex-coaching company Ignite Your Pleasure. "Practice on your hand and you'll get a good idea of what would be too much on his very sensitive skin," she says. Oh, and establish a code before you go downtown—have him tap you on the shoulder if your dental adventure crosses the line between pleasure and pain.
Q. I know nipples are supposed to get hard when you're aroused, but I don't feel much sensation in mine unless I'm cold. Is something wrong with me?
A. Stop the nipple shame! "Some women's nipples are just more sensitive than others," says Jennifer Wider, MD, author of The Savvy Woman Patient. The hardening of your nipples depends on the nerve sensation in your breasts, which varies from woman to woman. A rare amount of women report nipple tingling so strong, they can actually orgasm from it (nipplegasm!), while others hardly perk up. It's all good, because your boobs aren't the only way to get titillated. "Some women get more aroused when they have their feet or the back of their necks touched," Wider says. Aren't our bodies the breast!
Q. I'm dating a really great guy, but he kisses like a suction pump. Suggestions, please!
A. Unless he's Christian Grey himself, you absolutely have a say. "Men love it when a woman takes charge," says sex and life coach Eric Amaranth. Sweetly, sexily introduce a new smooching style by sliding on top of him and telling him you want to play a little kissing game. Then take turns Frenching each other quickly, sensually, hungrily—whatever moves you. "If you don't tell somebody what you like, they don't know what to give you," says Barbara Carrellas, author of Ecstasy Is Necessary. From there, he should get the hint—and moves—pretty quickly.
Q. My fiancé and I have great sex, but lately I prefer masturbating to porn. WTF?
A. Choosing your hand over your man probably means you're super stressed. "After a long day, masturbating is just easier," Carrellas says. "You know you're going to get off but don't have to take care of someone else." Beyond tired? Initiate some lazy spoon sex with your guy. Just don't let XXX sex replace the real thing. "Porn is the junk food of sexuality," Carrellas says. "Nothing wrong with an occasional fast-food meal, but a steady diet of it is really not going to make you feel good."
Q. My guy told me I have a funny O-face, and now I'm conscious about it. Is this going to ruin sex for him?
A. Um, everyone has a funny O-face. If your O-face isn't funny, chances are, you're not having an actual O. If you're needlessly feeling self-conscious about what your face looks like when you come, you're never going to come. We say needlessly because your O-face will not ruin sex for your guy. If you punched him in the scrotum when you climaxed, that would ruin sex. If you screamed out extraordinarily offensive racial slurs, that would ruin sex. But a funny face will not. Let your guy know his O-face looks just as funny as yours, then suggest you go make each other make them.
Q. I recently went home with a guy and forgot that my Lady Garden wasn't, um, groomed. Do guys really care about that?
A. Unless it looks like you're wearing granny panties made of pubic hair, you're fine. Some guys like no hair, others like more hair. But I bet that if someone asked that guy to describe the grooming status of your 'Garden', he wouldn't be able to. Why? Because he was too busy being psyched that you took him home and hooked up with him. If a guy is really upset about you having a rogue pube or five, he's an uptight weirdo who you should never want to take home again anyway.
Q. My boyfriend of five years just broke up with me via e-mail, then debuted a new relationship a week later. Now I want to tell everyone how small his penis is. Should I do it?
A. Definitely not. If you mass-e-mail your contact list that your ex is hung like a big toe, instead of people thinking of him as an inconsiderate jerk who wasn't man enough to break up with his girlfriend face-to-face, they'll think of him as that poor guy with the psycho ex who's blasting sad lies about his penis. Just tell your close girlfriends so they can join you in mercilessly mocking him.
Q. My guy likes getting oral on his balls more than his penis. I didn't even know that was possible...
A. When it comes to BJs, anything is possible! "I've seen guys who can only orgasm if they have clamps on their penises," points out certified sex therapist Michael Aaron, PhD. Although most guys prefer oral love to their twig over their berries, it makes sense that your man is into testicle touching. The skin around his scrotum is super thin and ultrasensitive. "Just handle them more gently than you would the shaft of his penis," advises sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD. (By that we mean more tongue, no teeth!) Now...play ball!
Q. It really hurts me to have sex in water—pools, hot tubs. Is this normal, and what can I do to make the experience more enjoyable?
A. Pool sex is the stuff of naughty magic. In reality, underwater lovin' can be a world of vagina hurt because "water washes away natural lubrication," says sexologist Logan Levkoff, PhD. "Any body of water potentially contains bacteria or chemicals, and you don't want to open yourself up to that," adds Kerner. If you insist on under-sea boning, use silicone-based lube—it won't dissolve easily—and condoms. Don't risk pregnancy or an STI (like...crabs).
Q. What's the deal with light choking? Why are people into this, and does it really make sex better?
A. There's a big difference between light choking (keyword: light)—which might mean grasping your partner's throat and applying gentle pressure—and what's known as erotic asphyxiation: the dangerous practice of choking a partner during sex to cut off oxygen to the brain—which can kill you. PSA: never attempt the latter. People get off on light choking, says sexologist Jill McDevitt, PhD, because it's about "relinquishing power or deriving pleasure from controlling your partner"—sort of like spanking. Communication is the key: everyone should be sober and in control of their impulses, and you should be able to shout out 'Goop!' (or whatever safe word you establish) if you're not comfortable.
Q. I mostly wear tight pants, and my lady parts can get pretty...murky. What can I do to keep my goods fresh?
A. Ladies running through fields of lavender in old-school douche commercials might suggest otherwise, but real-world vaginas aren't meant to smell like flowers, says every gynecologist! "The idea that your vagina needs to breathe is real," says Dr. White. A slight odour and some clear discharge are normal, but if you're dealing with foul-smelling discharge, you may be suffocating your stuff. Luckily, there's an easy fix for that: just go commando when you're lounging at home "to give your vulva a chance to recover," says Dr White. Ultimately, the vagina is like a self-cleaning oven. Just let her do her thing!
Q. My new man is hot, sweet, and awesome in bed. But he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. I can't imagine having a smart conversation with him about news and politics. Should I just cut ties now?
A. Whether you admit it or not, we suspect you've already decided what to do. So you want us to say either that it's cool to date a guy with whom you have no intellectual connection...or that it's fine to break up with a nice guy because he doesn't keep up with current events. We don't think there's a wrong move as long as you're honest with yourself. If you're happy having fun in a relationship with no long-term potential, keep seeing him and stop worrying about his IQ.
Q. My boyfriend is fascinated by my butt and really wants to have anal sex. I am so not into it—I feel like it would just be all pain, no pleasure. How do I get him to leave my butt alone?
A. You obviously shouldn't do anything you don't want to do, and anal sex can be extremely intimidating. But you shouldn't just assume it would be awful. Plenty of people enjoy it because they've educated themselves and know how to do it. You could—and should—start very modestly (think fingers and lube) and see how you feel before getting more ambitious. It may sound ridiculous, but anal sex really can be a way to build trust, and increase intimacy. That being said, here's how to make him drop it: tell him what he gets to do to your butt, you get to do to his first.
Q. I feel like I have to pee every time I orgasm. What's up with that?
A. Okay, quick anatomy refresher: your bladder sits in front of your uterus and the upper part of your vagina. So if you're having sex or getting your G-spot stimulated, it's common for pressure on the bladder (from a penis or a sex toy) to make you feel like you have to urinate. With orgasms, it's the same deal. "When you have an orgasm, your pelvic-floor muscles contract," says Lauren Streicher, MD, an ob-gyn in Chicago and author of Love Sex Again. "These muscles also support the bladder...and that's why you feel like you have to pee." Easy fix? Pee before sex. You might still feel the pressure, but at least you'll know your bladder is empty.
Q. How can I enjoy shower sex more? To me, it's just a lot of awkward positions and hot water in my face. Not really as 'romantic' and 'steamy' as they make it in the movies.
A. So shower sex is obviously not your thing. Don't force it! Instead, think of it as foreplay plus H2O, and use the time to massage and wash each other, saving the actual sex for once you're out. If you're determined to make shower sex work, Megan Andelloux, a clinical sexologist in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, recommends silicone lubricant because it stays on in the water. But hazard warning: silicone lube does its job so well, it increases your slippage factor if it gets on your shower floor.
Q. Sometimes I get sharp pains in my stomach after sex. It's totally messing with my libido. What the eff is going on?
A. Before you freak yourself out with terrifying WebMD scenarios, know that there are a lot of non-serious explanations: it could be gas, constipation, or cramping that occurs from you tensing up during sex. Or "it could be that your orgasm is giving you discomfort because of the contractions of your uterus combined with the compression of someone on top of you," suggests Deborah Ottenheimer, MD, an NYC ob-gyn. Despite the myriad potential no-biggie explanations, recurring pain during or after sex is worth getting checked out by a doctor.
Q. So...naked pictures? What's the safest way to pull them off with my long-distance BF?
A. The golden rule of naked pics is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking naked pics, whether as a turn-on for yourself or your BF. But there is something very wrong with people who leak nude photos that were intended for their eyes only and hackers who steal nude photos from the cloud. Do you trust your boyfriend is a guy who won't share your saucy snaps, but you're worried about your pics winding up in the hands of some evil phantom hacker? Tech experts recommend downloading an app like Threema or KeepSafe—both work for iOS and Android devices. They hide your pics behind a password that you can share with your BF so that once you send your saucy in-the-mirror butt selfies, they're better protected from snoops and the dark lords of the Internet.
Q. My boyfriend is totally clueless when going down on me. How can I give him a quick lesson without bruising his ego?
A. When a man is tending to your delicate flower, his ego can be a delicate flower too. Start with positive feedback, then segue to what you really want. Something like "Mmm, that feels so great. Could you go a little harder?" suggests clinical sexologist Deborah Caust, PhD. (Feel free to swap harder for softer, faster, or slower.) Cat got your tongue? Reach down and gently adjust the position of his face or hand. Once he gets it right, tell him to keep doing exactly what he's doing and to pretty much never stop. He'll be a pro in no time.
Q. I masturbate a lot. Like, every day. Is there any medical reason why it's bad for me?
A. As long as you're not so obsessed with masturbating that you're missing work to lock yourself in your room, blast the Divinyls I Touch Myself, and get down with a feather tickler you've affectionately nicknamed Barney Stinson, then no. Touching yourself is actually good for your health. It relieves tension and releases the same endorphins that flow post-workout. "Masturbation can make you feel empowered," says Doerthe Brueggmann, MD, an ob-gyn and cofounder of the online magazine Health Goes Female. Think of it as a hook-up with someone fantastic. You!
Q. My boyfriend treats me like gold—but I still have sex dreams about the jerk I used to hook up with. Why?
A. Just because a vile ex is haunting your dreams doesn't mean you have a jerk fetish. "Dreams are symbolic," says Madeleine Castellanos, MD, a psychiatrist specialising in sexuality. It may just mean there's some aspect of your sexual relationship with him that was exciting and that you miss, she says. If a jerk is sexing up your REM sleep cycle, some more forward behaviour from your man might do it for you in the sack. To loosely quote Lil Jon, you may want a gentleman on the streets and a freak in the sheets. Have your BF channel his inner brute with a hot, rough sex session. A light spanking might banish those ex dreams (nightmares?).