10 Common Blow Job Problems and How to Fix Them

Make oral even better for you both.

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No two penis owners like exactly the same things, and the best way of finding out what feels good to the lucky person you're going down on is to ask them. That said, certain fellatio frustrations arise more often than others — here are 10 common ones and what to do about them.

1. You can't get the entire penis in your mouth. First of all, know that you don't have to. "A lot of women think they're supposed to deep-throat like porn stars," sex therapist Vanessa Marin tells Cosmopolitan.com — but porn stars are professionals for a reason. "You can give an excellent blow job without needing to obliterate your gag reflex. The trick is to use your hands: Use your mouth and tongue to focus on the head, and provide wetness. Use your hand on the shaft, to create pressure." Zoë Ligon, sex educator and founder of sex toy store Spectrum Boutique, echoes this advice: "By using one or two hands, plus a bit of lube, you can essentially create an extension of your mouth," she says. Then, "you can allow your partner to thrust intensely — almost as though they're fucking your mouth — while being able to control how deep they're actually going."

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2. You keep gagging, and not in a good way. You can create the sensation of deep-throating without your partner's dick ramming into the back of your throat by directing the head of the penis to the roof of your mouth or blocking the back of your throat with your tongue. When the head of your partner's penis hits the roof of your mouth (careful to cover your top teeth with your lip) or your tongue, the penis will feel amazing and you won't choke — win-win.

3. You're committed to deep-throating but haven't found the right position for it. Some positions are more conducive to deep-throating than others, specifically "any position where the head is tilted back and aligns your mouth with your throat," Ligon says. She recommends 69ing while keeping your neck flush with your partner's stomach, or squatting instead of kneeling when you're going down on a standing partner so you can adjust your height for deeper penetration by aligning your mouth and throat. Also, skip the throat-numbing sprays. "Pain is the body's way of telling you that you need to slow down or stop what you're doing, and if you're unable to feel that signal, you risk causing serious damage to your throat," Ligon says. "And as someone who has thrown up on a dick during a drunk deep-throat blow job, maybe consider saving your deep-throat explorations for when you have a settled stomach." Solid advice if I've ever heard it.

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4. Your neck needs a break. If you're getting tired of controlling the motion, have your partner take over by placing a hand on the back of your head or holding your hair, and guiding your head back and forth, or lie on your back and have them straddle your head. Discuss either one of these beforehand — anyone who attempts the dreaded blow-job head push without running it by you first is presumptuous at best and probably kind of an asshole. That's just basic bedroom manners.

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5. Their dick doesn't exactly taste the best. OK, actually, it tastes kind of horrible, but this one is an easy solve. Suggest taking a sexy pre-BJ shower together and experiment with flavored lube — Wicked Sensual Care makes non-sticky flavored lube sweetened with stevia, meaning that if you decide to use it on yourself, it won't give you a yeast infection. I know this might sound gross, but I can tell you firsthand that the salted caramel flavor is delicious (I'm serious, don't knock it 'til you've tried it).

6. They're about to come and you don't know how long you're supposed to keep going. There's a fine line between "ohmygod that feels incredible" and "ohmygod please remove your mouth from my sensitive dick immediately," and that line, one source tells me from personal experience, is usually after orgasm, not during. When your partner says "I'm coming," keep going until they have, in fact, come — verbal warnings are great, they both tell you to keep doing what you're doing and prepare you for impending ejaculate — and then lay off the stimulation unless encouraged to do otherwise.

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7. You can't establish a rhythm. "Consistency is key to bringing a penis to orgasm," as Ligon points out, but you can't keep a beat to save your life. Try synchronizing your movements to your hookup playlist, moving your head up and down to the music — it might sound silly but can help you get into the movement.

8. Your jaw is aching. There's no rule that says you have to keep a penis firmly inside your mouth until ejaculation. Take a break and rub your breasts against the penis, use just your hands, or stroke your partner's thighs while your jaw relaxes — that penis probably won't suddenly go limp just because it's not making direct contact with your lips.

9. You're not sure what to do with the foreskin. "If the person is circumcised, you can focus a lot more direct, intense stimulation on the head of the penis without overstimulating them," Ligon says. If they have a foreskin, on the other hand, try giving the head a lot of indirect stimulation through the foreskin, which gives a sensation that Ligon compares to the one you feel when your clit is stimulated through the clitoral hood. Just as direct clitoral stimulation can feel overly intense and unsexy, a blow job with the foreskin pulled back can too — ask your partner what they're feeling. You can also offer to push back the foreskin with your tongue and lips (sexy).

10. They takefor-ev-er to finish. This is a question of knowing when to stay the course and when to mix it up. "If you've been doing circular movements and you feel that they're about to ejaculate, don't suddenly switch to in-and-out movements," Ligon says. If, however, you're looking to vary the stimulation, Ligon recommends gripping the base of your partner's penis with a churning motion using either one or two hands (and a dash of lube or spit) while the head is in your mouth. Focus on the frenulum, or the ridge of tissue under the head of the penis, by licking it, flicking it with your tongue, and squeezing it between your lips, and don't neglect other sensitive parts of your partner's anatomy, caressing the balls, taint, and anus, if your partner's into that. To add a vibrating sensation, try humming while the penis is in your mouth or even placing a vibrator against your cheek.

Finally, remember that your preferences matter as much as your partner's. If you can't stand deep-throating, don't do it. If you want your partner to come on your chest instead of in your mouth, tell them that that's where they'll be coming. You are the queen of your own blow-job castle. Go forth and rule.

Follow Hayley on Twitter.

From: Cosmopolitan

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