"My boyfriend is great, but sometimes he shifts into this autopilot mode in bed," says Avantika, 25. "He pounds so hard and fast that even my elbows jiggle." Sounds like the exact opposite way you'd want to have sex, right? "Most men have sex the same way they masturbate," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., founder of loveologyuniversity.com, "and they've been programmed from a young age to do it quickly so they don't get caught."
Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, points out that since jackhammering is common in porn, men think that women actually like it. "The actresses in porn are portrayed as enjoying this sex style, and because it feels good for guys anyway, they're quick to emulate it," says Kerner. The good news is that the jackhammer condition is treatable. "Men take direction well," says Cadell, "so you can steer him without crushing his ego."
The easiest way to thwart a jackhammer is to have sex in a position where he's unable to hump you like The Situation in heat. Girl-on-top is one option;
another is spooning-with one caveat: "He has more freedom in this position, so to control the pace, grip his penis lightly and say that you want to use it like a sex toy," suggests Kerner.
Be a Bit Honest
If you dig a jackhammer-enabling position like missionary or doggie style, then you have to speak up. "Before he enters you, tell him that it turns you on
when he goes slow," says Cadell. Since you're not saying this in response to anything he's done yet, he won't take it personally. If he suddenly picks up pace, a line like 'Go easy on me' is playful enough that it won't insult him, but pointed enough to make him back off.
Strike a Compromise
In the same way that a certain position makes your toes curl, hard and fast feels really damn good for most men. To ensure that you're both satisfied, set
aside a time when some vigorous thrusting is acceptable-like after you've already climaxed. "Tell him you want to start in your favourite position and finish in his," says Cadell.