The Sex Secrets He'll NEVER Tell You

It took some doing, but we convinced men to spill all the clandestine (and yes, dirty) thoughts they hide for fear of wigging you out. All we can say is, prepare to be wigged.

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You've heard it before, but allow us to reiterate something to you: Guys are constantly thinking about sex.what they've done, what they'd like to do, and, of course, what they're doing right now. And when you spend that much time deliberating about one thing, some crazy thoughts end up floating through your head. Some of them are sweet, some are funny, and some will make you want to march out and kick the first male you see right in the nuts? Well, you get the idea. So read on for insight into males' deepest sex secrets. But don't say we didn't warn you.

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His secret sexual fantasy

- "My number one fantasy is sex with a beautiful woman in a position of authority who's dressed for the job. I'm talking a skirt suit, heels, stockings, and glasses. Maybe on a conference room table, maybe on her desk..."

- Randy, 26

- "Three really hot girls, none of whom are allowed to talk to me, and I'm in a cape. Making them do my bidding would be amazing because it'd be like having my own harem. And I can't stress this enough: I'm not kidding about the cape."

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- "I often have this fantasy where a sexy woman seduces me even though I keep reminding her that I am in a serious relationship with a lovely girl. It just makes me feel that even though I'm hooked, I'm desirable to other women. A little too desirable..." "

- Abe, 23

- "I've always wanted to have screaming, wake-the-neighbours, porno-loud sex. So the bed creaks and the whole house seems to be breaking down. And I want to do it everywhere, on the floor, the kitchen slab, the dining table, the bath tub, and especially the backyard!"

- Dale, 33

- "Just having a girl go out of her mind with desire to go down on me. Like, she's tearing off my pants because she can't wait to have me in her mouth."

- Rich, 32

"I have a slight exhibitionist streak in me. I mean, I'm not looking to have sex in the middle of the mall fountain.but I'd love a quickie in the back of a library."

- Jamie, 29

His secret thoughts during sex

- "If I'm about to bust too soon, I think about fat, sweaty, hairy dudes wearing their little brothers' gym shorts and skipping rope."

- Donald, 22

- "I'm a serial monogamist, so the first few times I have sex with a woman, I'm worried about being too boyfriendy. like, overly sensual and comfortable."

- Damian, 34

- "Sometimes I find myself basically telepathically trying to make her tell me what she wants. It is stupid and takes me out of the moment, but I hate asking out loud. I want to be able to connect to her body and mind, get to know her deepdark-dirty secrets"

- Kevin, 22

- "I worry about my taint because it is hairy, probably sweaty, and doesn't smell good. I just feel bad that she is anywhere near it."

- Isaac, 28

- " This made her come last time. Why isn't it working now? "

- Louis, 27

- "I think about the sex I'm having, unless I'm hungry, in which case I think about pizza."

- Nate, 26

- "I have all these concerns about what's going to happen right after the sex: Should I get paper towels? Do we spoon? How long should we spoon? Should we sleep apart or holding each other close? Will she get really emotional and start crying like a baby? "

- Daniel, 30

- "I'm in a long-term relationship, and I think about other women a lot. Sex when you're committed is like driving through Kansas: The view is beautiful for the first 10 miles, but then it just gets to be the same thing over and over. So I start thinking of ex-girlfriends, one-night stands, female co-workers, porn stars or even celebrities."

- Cliff, 32

Past sex so good, he'll keep it a secret from you

- "I had the best sex ever on the last night of the semester that I studied abroad in Italy. I'd been attracted to this American girl from a different school the entire time I was there, and she'd been into me, but we never did anything about it. That last night, we both knew it was then or never, so we went for it. There wasn't any emotional pressure at all because we knew we'd never see each other again. It was spontaneous, passionate, plain, simple sex-and it was perfect!"

- Scott, 29

- "A girl went down on me while we were on an amusement-park hauntedhouse ride. I remember every detail, even that we were sitting in car number 23. I'm sure it's on some security-camera-sex tape passed around by the park employees. I hope our faces are fuzzy!"

- Michael, 28

What do you think?

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