24 Threesome Tips You Need to Know From Women Who Have Had Them

There's a lot of mystery surrounding threesomes. You think you know what they'll be like or how you feel about them, but you can't totally know unless you've been there. Cosmopolitan.com spoke with seven women who have done it about what they learned from their threesome experiences.

1. Communication is more important than anything else you do the whole night. "While I enjoy spontaneous sex, it's vital that everyone has a similar set of expectations from the sexual encounter. Negotiate safer sex, comfort levels with different sexual acts, and be present with everyone involved as much as possible." —Crista-Anne, 33

2. Don't even think about trying to have a threesome to impress your boyfriend/a man. "It's not worth putting on an act if you're not into the idea. It'll just stress you out, make you feel jealous, and all parties involved won't have a good time." —Allie, 25

3. Don't be that creepy online couple looking for their third. "If you are in a partnership and want to find a third for a threesome, don't be that couple on dating sites that treats single folks like a piece of meat." —Crista-Anne

4. The least creepy way to meet your third is by being the most interesting couple in the bar. "You shouldn't put on a show, but you should make your relationship appear as fun, loving, open, and cool as it actually is, which is something that she'll want to be a part of. You have to be appealing as a unit, and not just the guy or the girl chatting her up solo." —Allie

5. Find someone who is looking for the same things you are. "The couple I first had threesomes with had a completely open relationship. I met her first and then ended up dating her husband for a bit. Being non-monogamous myself, they were perfect for what I wanted. There was no jealousy or issues about attention. In fact, there was a time I texted her to see if she wanted to hang out and she said she was out of town but her husband was at home if I wanted to see him. This is especially important if you're the third, since you want to protect yourself from any feelings they might have between each other that might affect you." —Ciara, 23

6. If you're doing it with your partner, make the whole process feel like a team activity. Come up with rules together. Find your third together. Plan the night together. "For me, each step of the way has been a fun bonding experience, from initially sharing the fantasy with one another, to seeking out potential partners. You really feel like you're in this together and are learning about one another." —Allie

7. Lots of guys are surprisingly cool with sleeping with their friends (in a threesome situation, at least). "I was surprised to find that guys talk about it with each other more than they do with you. When I got to my partner's house for the threesome, he turned it into a proposition for a foursome." —Lana, 20

8. But approach having sex with two guys who are friends with each other with caution. "I slept with two guys who were good friends and teammates who were fairly confrontational with each other and dictated positions as if they were playing sports. It was a bit overwhelming but I went with it and it was the steamiest sex I've ever had." —Lana

9. Finding a third person who everyone is attracted to can take a really, really long time. "You'll strike out a lot when looking for a partner, but the important thing to remember is that no matter what, at the end of the night, you still get to go home and have amazing sex with someone who knows and loves you. It's a win/win really." —Allie

10. Ask all the vital questions before the night of the threesome. "One guy I had a threesome with had a long-term girlfriend, which would've been good to know before that happened." —Lana

11. Always bring an extra condom. —Everyone (duh)

12. You might be shocked by the roles you end up enjoying. Be open-minded. "Before having a threesome I was positive that would ping my anxiety or make me feel like the lesser participant, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed watching my lovers pleasure each other without feeling left out or uncomfortable." —Crista-Anne

13. You will definitely get weirded out the first time that third hand touches you. "I was making out with my partner when from behind I felt this hand moving my hair off the back of my neck and kissing it. You get so used to only having to account for one person that when another person gets thrown into the mix, it throws you off for a second. It doesn't matter how many threesomes I've had, that moment doesn't go away." —Ciara

14. Don't forget that everyone involved is a person, not just a sex partner. "Overall, having an amazing threesome has so much more to do with the interpersonal relationships of those involved than the physical sex acts themselves." —Crista-Anne

15. One drink can make you feel more at ease, but don't get too drunk. "Drunk sex is generally sloppy sex and I can't imagine having a drunk, sloppy threesome. There's just too much going on that demands your attention." —Ciara

16. Don't ever leave someone feeling like a third wheel. "Sometimes a helpful hand is enough to keep someone feeling included for certain portions of your engagement." —Katie, 24

17. Bringing in sex toys helps alleviate the third wheel problem. "I definitely suggest having toys around. Not only do they add to the experience, they help keep everyone engaged." —Katie

18. Most problems can be totally avoided by making sure your communication is on point. "All of the difficulties I've run into were at their core a communication problem. Hurt feelings because expectations were not addressed, feelings of inadequacy because of perceived favoritism. Lack of check-ins afterward to be present for any negative or confusing feelings." —Crista-Anne

19. Don't expect to just lie back while two people go to town on you. You're going to have to multitask. "My partner recently told me, 'A threesome isn't just a tag-team match. Ideally it's a free-for-all of pleasure. Otherwise it's more serial voyeurism, which isn't a bad thing, but often that isn't the goal.'" —Crista-Anne

20. Don't pretend like you're having a good time if you aren't! "When the threesome actually happens, you may find yourself suddenly uncomfortable, or not as excited or aroused as you thought you would be. I've heard from several men who so built up their own excitement and anticipation over having a threesome with two women that they were completely unable to perform under the pressure. If you're uncomfortable or can't perform, be honest and kind about it. There should be no shame in talking it over with your play partners." —Dedeker, 28

21. Don't be afraid to take a break if you or anyone reaches a point where they aren't sure about continuing. "Just because someone is feeling nervous or wants to step back, doesn't mean nothing can ever happen or that it's a complete disaster. Think about your first few times having sex: It's not always simple and clear what to do." —Katie

22. Check in afterward to make sure everyone is feeling awesome and cared for. "Sometimes even if the sex was out-of-this-world amazing, if there are lingering issues between the folks involved, it's going to be seen as a negative experience." —Crista-Anne

23. The next time you have sex with just you and your partner after a threesome can be amazing. "I look forward to it being just the two of us. Each threesome has been a fun experience that I don't regret at all, but in the end, each one makes me appreciate what my boyfriend and I have together." —Allie

24. It's totally cool if you want to have one threesome and then never do it again. "After my boyfriend and I had a threesome for the first time, he wanted more of them. The girl that we slept with was a friend of his, and for a while afterward, any time we were around her, he would bring up the topic of having another one. I told them both I wasn't comfortable with it and that it happened one time, it was really fun, and that's all I wanted. You don't have to have another threesome if you don't want to!" —Ashley, 25

Follow Lane on Twitter and Instagram.