8 Thoughts Guys Have Right Before Getting a Blow Job

Once he knows a blow job is on the table, it's best not to ask him to solve any complex maths problems.

Most Popular

1. "I'm about to get a blow job. This is the greatest day of my life."

That's the overriding thought here. There really isn't much going through a guy's head beyond fixating that he's going to get to orgasm soon. Maybe not in a verbal sense. It's not like his inner monologue is chanting "blow job!" over and over. So while he might not be verbalising it in his head, he's mostly just thinking about how great his life is right now. Once he knows a blow job is on the table, it's best not to ask him to solve any complex maths problems or read for comprehension.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

2. "Is this just for me, or is this going to lead to sex?" This is an important piece of information to try and clarify, but at the same time asking it out loud can put a damper on things. Still, it's necessary to figure out. Leaving it ambiguous can lead to two equally awkward situations. Either he ejaculates and you didn't want him to, which means he's basically done fooling around and you're left disappointed. Or, he's holding off expecting things to move on, in which case you're left impatient and sore of jaw.

Most Popular

3. "When was the last time I groomed?"

If there hasn't been any maintenance down there recently, it can strike fear into your heart. It's the same kind of fear you get when your boss or professor asks you for an assignment you haven't done. It's like having someone over when your place is messy. Sure, you can still hang out, but it's embarrassing. If his balls are a sweaty, hairy mess well… you might not visit his place again any time soon (to be clear: you won't put your mouth on his penis).

4. "Should I blow my nose?"

This thought might never cross his mind, but if it does, it'll stay there. Can you see right up his nose from where you are? Is it gross and full of dry snot? Blow jobs are a man at his most vulnerable, and not just because you have his penis centimetres away from your teeth.

5. "Should I take my socks off?"

Honestly, what is proper etiquette here? It's probably ideal to strip the pants all the way off, but what about socks? On the one hand, it seems weird to leave them on. On the other, it seems like a waste of time bending down to get them off.

Friends Joey confused gif

6. "Are we doing this standing, seated, or lying down?"

This is also important to note, especially considering the environment. A bedroom blow job will probably be executed lying on the bed, whereas one in the middle of the woods will be standing.

7. "Where do you want me to finish?"

Another instance where these rules should probably be established way in advance. And yet, they won't. Instead, he'll wind up screaming it out frantically 10 seconds before impact.

8. "Why am I overanalysing this prospective blow job so much?"

This is pretty neurotic.

What do you think?

Relationships
Share
4 Effective Ways to Set Personal Boundaries With People
As told by a psychologist.
Relationships
Share
7 Ways Sleeping With Women Changed How I Have Sex With Men
I have way more respect for humping.
Relationships
Share
23 Movie Kisses So Hot They'll Make You Sweat
Is it hot in here or is it just Leonardo DiCaprio?
Relationships
Share
10 Crazy-Simple Things All Guys Want During Sex
It's not rocket science, but...
Relationships
Share
9 Hilariously Unsexy Things You Never Knew About Porn
As revealed by a porn star.
Relationships
Share
5 Bad Habits That Are Slowly Ruining Your Relationship
Delete your account (no, the other one).
Relationships
Share
An Anonymous Sex Worker Shares the 15 Strangest Things Men Have Asked Her to Do
"[There's a] guy who comes to my apartment Saturday mornings with bagels and lox. His thing is setting up the brunch spread and having sex...
Relationships
Share
5 *Scientific* Reasons to Have More Sex
The research commands it.
Relationships
Share
31 Mind-Blowing Lesbian Sex Positions
Sex positions for the lady-loving ladies in the crowd.
Relationships
Share
5 "Game of Thrones" Sex Positions to Unleash Your Inner Queen
You'll be screaming "Dracarys!" because these are straight 🔥.