THIS is What He's Really Doing Behind Your Back…

The scandalous, private lives of men, unraveled!

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Most men have practically sold their souls to the devil to make sure that their nastiest shenanigans and totally embarrassing behaviour is kept under wraps from the female population—forever. And with good reason too. Not only are these dudes indulging in some seriously sleazy high jinks when you're not looking—they're also guilty of committing some of the downright sissiest stunts you'll ever hear of. But surprise, surprise! Thanks to a bunch of successful, regular, normal boys (you know, the kind you date) who broke the testosterone vow of silence, the jig is up. These guys decided to spill their guts about everything, from really shocking sexual antics and some truly bizarre hygiene habits to two-timing tricks, drunken escapades, visits to strip clubs and violin-serenade-worthy sap. So, be prepared to hold on to your jaws, ladies. Because they're about to drop open in sheer awe.

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HE'S SCHEMING TO GET LAID ALL THE TIME. NO, REALLY— ALL. THE. TIME.

One of the dudes in my office is a total dud, but he has a drop-dead gorgeous wife, who, I think, has given me the eye. I really can't stand her stupid husband, but I just take him out on Saturdays to bond with his wife. The best part is that by the end of the evening, he gets too drunk to realize what's going on around him. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for good things to come! —Abhijeet, 28, architect

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My buddy Rahul's house is our permanent hangout. But it's not because of Rahul, or his great music collection. Our one-point objective is his mom, who's way hotter than any girl in my college. I wouldn't mind taking some lessons from this superhot mama. —Vikrant, 22, student

Every guy in his mid-20s fantasises about seducing a high school girl. I'm no different. So whenever I can, I drop my sister's little brat to school to catch an eyeful of fresh young things first thing in the morning. —Wilson, 25, ad executive

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HE PLAYS MIND GAMES WHEN HE'S OUT OF TOWN (AND TOTALLY ANONYMOUS)

When I'm out on business and meet a hot woman, I never tell her where I work. My usual story is that I shuttle between two cities, so she can't figure out where I'm from. And I always have my own company or I work on a project basis so there are lesser chances of her tracking me down. —Arpan, 30, banker

Vacations are ripe for naughty experiments. It's the best time to try clothes I would never have worn, adopt a new accent or anything that excites me. It's the perfect way to figure out what works for the ladies and what doesn't. Here's what I discovered: wild women love skinheads, ultra-feminine types like conventionally-dressed men, and bright shirts don't work for anyone. —Shiraz, 28, copywriter

I know I've hit jackpot when I find someone whose interests I have a faint idea about. Recently, I met this pretty girl on a flight who was really interested in art. I had an ex-girlfriend who was an artist,

so I dropped a few names like Cezanne, Van Gogh, etc. And then I quickly changed the topic before I could get caught. The initial bonding ensured that we met up regularly for 'dessert' in what could have been a very boring two months out of town. —Kevin, 24, businessman

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HE HAS SOME TRULY BIZARRE PERSONAL HABITS

It's funny that I have around 15 pairs of underwear but end up wearing only three. I swear it's only these three that keep going for a wash and back. By now they're faded, but I still haven't touched any from the batch that lie unused in my drawer. —Anand, 30, actor

When I'm out with my buddies I'm a complete guy's guy. But at home, I love using my sister's shampoo, conditioner and face packs. Tell me, who doesn't like a well-kept man? —Shiv, 27, lawyer

I'm obsessed with my hair. To maintain my cropped, spiky do, I get it cut every fortnight at the best salon in town. It so burns a hole in my pocket, but it's just a small price to pay for great looking hair. —Wilson

Believe me when I say that I like to smell good all the time. My pre-bed routine includes a swipe of antiperspirant roll-on and then tonnes of deodorant. My girl says I don't need it, but I still need to feel fresh. —Kevin

I really don't mean to do it, but my dates always end up waiting for an hour till I get there. It could be because I can't find my favourite shirt, or my keys are misplaced or whatever. But if anyone makes me wait for more than 10 minutes, I get totally pissed . —Wilson

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HE HITS UP STRIP CLUBS—AND PULLS SOME SERIOUSLY STUPID STUNTS

I was always curious about the go-go bars in Bangkok. So when my buddies and I decided to take a trip, I thought it would be any guy's dream come true. I was so enamoured of those sexy strippers that I choked on my beer and went on this mad coughing spree that had me down to my knees. My too-cool façade has vanished after that incident, since both the boys and some of the strippers had a good laugh at my expense. It was embarrassing! —Vikrant

For my bachelor party, my buddies took me to this upscale strip club in the US. And if I said that I had a great time, it would be an understatement. Lap dances, tucking dollar bills into the girls' strings...I even got a few fun pictures clicked to mail them to all those dogs who missed out. Unfortunately, one of them is married and his wife (who's pretty good friends with my fiancée) checks his mail too. As a result,I had to beg, plead and apologise for weeks to get married to the girl I love. —Shiv

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YOU'RE DATING BUT YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE ON HIS SPEED DIAL

I don't want any chicks thinking that they can make me fall in love because honestly, I'm having much more fun without the amour angle. So, whenever any woman tries to playfully ask me about what I think of relationships, my answer is crystal clear. My response is that I believe in relationships that are strictly physical and no strings attached. If she still wants to stick around, thinking she can turn me into a new man, it's clearly her problem, not mine. —Anand

I always like to keep my so-called relationships in the just-met stage. Which basically means that nothing progresses after the first date. There might be expectations, but I usually treat the babes like good friends and never end up calling them my girlfriends. It also helps if you don't make plans with the same girl every Saturday, so she doesn't have expectations for the next weekend. —Abhijeet

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I like to pretend that there's this ex who hurt me so bad, that it's difficult to get involved with someone else. It's like a double-edged sword: for one, it makes me bond with any woman, since most of them have this nurturing, motherly side to them. Secondly, it helps me avoid relationships without sounding like a complete jerk. This trick works like magic every time. —Vikrant

If I get a phonecall from one of the girls I'm dating while I'm with another, I don't answer my cell. If I can't recognize the number and take the call while I'm on a date, I work out a business-like tone to pretend I'm in a meeting. If I'm staying over and she calls in the morning, I pretend that I'm sleeping; and if there's too much risk involved, I don't pick up any calls at all. Where there's a will, there's definitely a way. —Arpan

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WHEN YOU DUMP HIM, HE LICKS HIS WOUNDS IN THE WUSSIEST WAYS

The day my girlfriend dumped me for another guy, I also met with a mini accident. So I thought I might as well put the wound to good use, and wrote her a quick love letter with (yes I'm ashamed!) blood. I thought it would completely melt her but she got totally grossed-out, called me a freak, and told me she never wanted to see my face again. I'm glad that she hasn't seen my face since then, because I don't want anyone to know what a silly stunt I pulled. —Shiraz

After my girl left me, I stalked her day and night. I bombarded her with phonecalls, surprise visits and letters. Finally, she got fed up and changed cities. But I didn't just leave it at that. I dug out her new address and visited her. She started screaming and said that if I didn't leave, she'd call the cops. —Shiv

I went on a date with every woman who reminded me of my ex. It could be the eyes, the way she talked, her hands...anything. By the end of each date, I'd realise that this girl wasn't my ex and would cut the date short and run. In addition to girls calling me a jerk, I got into this weird dating-cycle that I had a tough time getting out of. —Kevin

Me and my girl had a long-distance relationship, which according to me was going just fine. So, when I got a letter from her saying we should break up, I literally didn't believe it. I packed that letter into a note from my side saying that she needed to apologise for writing that trash. It was only when she gave me a earful that I realised that things were finally and truly over. —Abhijeet

When I broke up, I didn't realise that my ex-girl had started dating another guy. So, when I went to this bar and saw her on a date, I walked up to them and told the guy to go home. One thing led to another, and I grabbed his collar. That was the one and only time that I was thrown out of a pub. —Wilson

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