13 Things You're Reading Way Too Much Into

1. He didn't answer your texts right away. As someone who recently hooked up with someone for the first time and then didn't text them for almost 24 hours because I was so exhausted from work that I collapsed into an exhaustion pile when I got home, let me tell you, he might just actually be really busy. 

2. He's still friends with an ex. I know why this one seems scary and sometimes it's because he's still not over his ex. But there are also guys who are still friends with exes because they're not huge dirtbags and actually broke up with their exes in a kind way that didn't make them hate each other after. Does he still want to bone her? I can't say. But sometimes this is actually a really good sign that he's a decent person. 

3. He's not that close with his mom. There's this idea that if someone isn't close with their family, then they must be a totally unlovable person, and that's so harmful. What if his mom was really mean to him as a kid? Or what if she passed away? You aren't necessarily the person who raised you. He still might be fantastic. 

4. He ordered for you. I know part of you wants to be like, "What the fuck?! I don't belong to you. Don't tell me what I want." But the other side of that coin is, sometimes they know really great dishes and just want to make sure you try the best things and have the perfect night. Or they've been told women really like that. It doesn't always mean he's the Christian Grey of foodies. 

5. He paid the check. True, there are some guys who pay the check and expect that you're going to have sex with them, but those guys are best dealt with by slamming doors in their faces and hoping bones break because fuck that shit. More often than not though, he's just doing it as a simple gesture to show that he likes you, same as you would when you buy a friend a coffee because she's so great. 

6. He only asks to go out with you last minute. This doesn't always mean you're an afterthought. Maybe he just wanted to see you spontaneously. He had some free time pop up and you're who he wanted to spend it with. That's much cuter, right?

7. He only wants to hang out late at night. Dude, I know how hooker-y this feels. I dated a guy who only wanted to go on dates at, like, 11 p.m. and I started to feel kind of garbage-y about it. When I brought it up to him, he totally understood it made me feel like I was an extra in Pretty Woman and we started meeting during daylight hours for lunch. Solved.

8. His best friend is a woman. Again, I get why this might make you all, "What if they're secretly in love with each other because they're both in a rom-com and I'm the girl who's just a distraction because I can never match what they have together?!" but chiiiiill. It's more likely that he's just good at being friends with women, which means he's a decent human being because everyone should be good at being friends with women.

9. Sometimes he drinks a lot when you go out. To be fair, so do you. Unless you've never seen him sober ever, it's probs fine. 

10. He said something kind of sexist. This is coming from someone who doesn't put up with that at all ever, but if he made kind of a shitty-sounding comment about how women shouldn't lead guys on so much and your first thought is, "Lead guys on? WTF does that mean?" you're not wrong to think that. But one time I confronted a guy who said something like this to me and he realized it made him sound like a dick and I realized that everyone says dumb shit sometimes. Some people mean it, and some people just choose the wrong words. 

11. If he's kind of quiet one night. I've been that girl hanging out with a guy who is suddenly super-quiet and I want to jump on the table and scream, "LOOK, IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE, JUST TELL ME NOW," but I didn't do that and neither should you because we both have dignity. Maybe he had a hard day; maybe he's tired. As long as it doesn't become the New Way He Acts, it's fine.

12. If you found his porn and it's suuuuper, uh, advanced. So he likes really bendy porn made by bendy contortionist circus performers who seemingly have 20 hands. He knows he's dating an average person who can't do that. And honestly, it's better than he watches it than asks you to try to pull it off. 

13. He talks about his ex a lot. I'm not going to say this is never something to lose it over, because sometimes it is and that person's name is Heath, but that's a story for another time AND FOR YOUR THERAPIST, HEATH, JESUS! Anyway, his last relationship clearly really impacted him, like many of yours have. Sometimes it's healthy and normal and if it's not, you'll know soon enough ([whispers] Heath). 

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