The 39 (Yes, We Have a LOT of Feelings) Emotional Stages of Tinder

*deletes app* *installs app* *deletes app* *installs app*

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1. When you avoid getting Tinder for months because you're awesome and can totally meet someone IRL, then begrudgingly download the app *sighs*

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2. When you pretend you're just signing up to see what everyone's going on about.

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*casually hopes to meet soulmate*

3. When you channel goldilocks in your bio so it's not too hot, not too cold but just right.

4. When you get really into the game *swipe* *swipe* *swipe*

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5. When they introduce Super Likes and you realise you're the hottest b*tch around.

6. When his bio says "into fitness, hoping to meet someone with similar interests" or features all shirtless pics.

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7. The panic when you come across a co-worker. Did they swipe right? Left? Which is worse!?

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Ugh! *deletes app*

8. When you avoid opening the app in your hometown because you don't want to match with people from high school (or seem sad and alone).

9. When you move it to the last page of apps even though it's clearly your most used.

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10. When you realise you and your friends are all matching with the same guys.

It's just like Lindsay and Hilary circa 2000

11. When a notification pops up in front of your boss.

12. When you go on holiday just to get some new matches "Oh, I might just check out the talent in Melbourne" *plans trip*

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13. When you have to swipe left 100 times to get even one person worthy of a right swipe.

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14. When you match with your soulmate and then the next day they're 46302 kilometres away from you.

15. When someone writes a lone "Hey." Just 'Hey.' Are you frickin' kidding me? 

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16. When you see a tiger pic.

17. When you see an ex-flame.

18. When you swipe too fast, then accidently swipe left on your dream man, try get him back by swiping right only to realise you've just matched with this guy…

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19. When you automatically start to filter out any guys whose pictures are either: a) shirtless or b) feature a young child or c) at their own wedding.

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20. When you don't speak to anyone first because you're classy AF and they should make the first move #power

21. When someone matches with you but then doesn't respond to a message. Why did you swipe right then douchebag?

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22. When a guy is ONLY pictured with his friends and you have to start closely inspecting which one he is…. *cough* the ugly one *cough*

23. When a guy tries to set up a meeting too early *serial killer* *blocks*

24. When he tells you WAY too much about his life and you're not really into it.

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I have friends…why am I putting up with this crap?

25. When you don't want to see your ex, so you skipped his age range juuuust in case.

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26. When it doesn't immediately come up with "You're A Match" after you've swiped right and you're pissed.

WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?!

27. When you come across your parent/friend of parent who's now 'single' again *shudders*

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28. When you take a break and suddenly get all up on your high horse people who are still on it.

29. When friends get engaged over Christmas  *downloads app again*

30. When you re-download after a breakup.

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31. When you let you friends play with your Tinder while you're drunk and wake up to a million notifications and some very questionable swipes.

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32. When you make up a thousand excuses not to go on your first date because it's crossing a line that you're not sure you're ready for…

It's a slippery slope to OK Cupid *cries*

33. When you give up on playing coy and tell him how you really feel.

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Yeah, it's Tinder, join the club!

34. When they want to go on a 'day date' aka hell with no alcohol.

Um, what?

35. When you meet up IRL and they look NOTHING like their picture.

Or it was clearly taken 5 years ago…

36. When you meet up, he gives you an up and down and you know exactly what this means…

No one's putting their post-Christmas pics up, man!

37. When all your friends ask why you're still bothering trying to find someone.

38. When you find true love and become Tinder's biggest fan *signs all friends up*

39. When you aren't ashamed of how you met but you still both have your alibi story, for more respectable occasions, where you say you just 'met at uni' *cough*

Happy Tindering!

The article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com.au

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