Some Guy Ranks the 14 Hottest Disney Princesses

Because why not?

21 March, 2018
Some Guy Ranks the 14 Hottest Disney Princesses

 1. Jasmine

There's no way anyone else was going to be at the top of this list. Princess? Check. Sassy? Check. Vaguely exotic? Check. I'm pretty sure I can graph the start of my puberty based on the first time I saw Aladdin. I don't have any data to back it up, but there's definitely a correlation between Nov. 25, 1992, and boys all over the world finding hair in new places.

2. Belle

Belle is the Disney version of the manic pixie dream girl. She's smart, nerdy, and kind of all over the place. Plus, she isn't into big muscular douchebags like Gaston. She likes intellectual guys, making her every nerd's first crush. Except she's also a cartoon so it's weird.

3. Mulan

Badass tomboy chill girl who gets along with all the dudes. Everything about that sentences is great. Also, there's something kind of hot about a woman dressing up like a dude. I can't be the only one who was into pirate-Keira Knightley in Pirates of the Caribbean.

4. Ariel (SEQUELS ONLY)

Yes, I know she was 16 in the original. Let's pretend no one was into that shell bra and just say she was a MILF in the sequels.

5. Rapunzel

Maybe it's just because she was voiced by Mandy Moore, but ... OK, it's definitely because she was voiced by Mandy Moore.

6. Cinderella

The first woman to ever "accidentally leave something at his place." Still, she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go for it. She'd be higher on this list if she didn't talk to mice like a total weirdo.

7. Tiana

To be clear, we're talking human version Tiana here. Frog version was pretty all-right-looking, though, if we're all being honest with ourselves. Plus, bonus points for Southern accents.

8. Pocahontas

She's really into nature and loves  her family. Plus, "Colors of the Wind" is my jam. She has a tendency to fall for colonial bad boys, though (I'm looking at you, John Smith).

9. Merida

I watched, like, 20 minutes of Brave when I was home sick one day before falling asleep. But I'm also a sucker for redheads.

10. Anna

She's nice and all, but way, way, way, too rich-girl naive. No one wants that baggage.

11. Elsa

Get over yourself. You can freeze things, whatever. That's not as bad as obsessively stalking your boyfriend's Facebook or being a chronic cheater. Guys can deal with that.

12. Aurora

Total snoozefest. You know that girl in college who was always taking naps? That's Aurora. She'll make plans with you and then disappear and text you the next day like, "lol I fell asleep :-)" It's not cute, idiot.

13. Nala

I know, I know. She's a lion. But this is already a list about hot cartoon characters, so I might as well shred the last vestiges of my dignity and admit that the look she gives Simba after she licks him is kind of hot? Be honest with yourselves, we could all feel the love that night. The only thing that bumps her so far down this list is the fact that she's a lion (and not an official princess) but whatever. Hakuna matata.

14. Snow White

She may be the first Disney Princess, but she's also basic as fuck. Who the hell even eats apples anymore?

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Credit: Cosmopolitan
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