An Open Letter to Every Man Who's Asked to 'Make Frandship' With a Girl

'I was lukin at ur profile and your pic is Gr8'

Most Popular
#floored
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

If there's one part of Facebook that's provided me unending amusement for a number of years, it's the 'Other' folder in my inbox. Every few months, when I find myself surrounded by a gaggle of the right kind of girls (with a slightly cruel streak that they're not afraid to show), I open this, and find myself barraged with a series of 'frandship' quests that are just far too laughable to be taken seriously.

Most Popular

Bachelor Number 1: "Gurl. I like ur style."

Bachelor Number 2: "Hi, my name is Roshan and aapne meri zindagi kar di hai Roshan. Jk. But yes, can I take you for a date?"

Bachelor Number 3: "What if life witout gud friends, and friends can never be 2 many. I will be honoured to be a friend of one so lovely as yourself."

And of course, my favourite, the fourth-wall breaker.

Bachelor Number 4: "I know you get a lot requests saying 'hi, I wanna make a frandship with you.' But I am not like those other guys. I just really want to get to know you. Your profile pic is truly a stunner, and such a beautiful person on the outside must surely be beautiful on the inside as well."

#floored
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Wow, guy. Your understanding, acknowledgment and acceptance of the 'creep approach' most definitely deducts atleast 10% ick-factor from your own, stealthier creep approach.

Here's the thing, though. You're still 90% creep.

The problem is, most men legitimately think that telling a girl she has two or more of the following properties will give them an 'in' to their hearts (read: pants):

  • 1)I have a 'gr8' profile pic (thanks. That's why I 'pic'-ed it (minus five for lazy abbreviations as well).
  • 2)I have a 'beautiful' soul (You like? I got it at Zara.)
  • 3)You can see that you and I will have a 'connection'.
  • 4) I know lots of people tell me I'm pretty (nope. Mostly my mom.)
  • 5) You want to be my 'friend/frand/pal/buddy/get2noeme'.

What they don't realize is that any breed of these garden-variety creep-isms is likely to ensure I not only never see you as a contender in the quest for my affections, but you also secure this message receiving multiple, hearty LOLs.

Thanks 4 Travel

The truth is, if you really do find a girl on social media that you find yourself itching to creep on, there's a way to get her attention. I'm going to let you in on the best way to make your move.

Don't.

Fine, okay, seriously though. Most women are going to delete a creep message, no matter how many 'beautiful's you throw in there, or how much you feel like 'you cud be gr8 friends.'

Instead, maybe try finding some common ground. Maybe you like the same music. Maybe you went to the same college. Maybe both of you know the same Tanya.

Then, use that common ground to your advantage. Ask her if she knows common Tanya. She does. You know it. Chat about it. Isn't Tanya nuts? Hahaha.

Show interest in an event she's interested. Talk to her on a comment thread about that event. She doesn't have to know you've scoured her profile pictures so rigorously, you could ace a 'Match-The-Likes-To-The-Picture' quiz on them. It's a safer, creep-buffer zone.

Don't, at any point, offer your 'frandship'. One can make cookies, not friendship. Okay, you can make friends. But that's not the point. I digress.

Also, lastly, and this part is CRUCIAL. Don't be a creep. Take out your inner creep and beat him to death. Tell him never to click 'Add Friend' because a girl is in a bikini. Or hot pants. Or is on Facebook. Tell him to look for love in real time. And, chiefly, buy him the fattest grammar workbook you can find and start a stopwatch. Now.

On behalf of all womankind..........no.

What do you think?

Relationships
Share
10 Common Blow Job Struggles and How to Fix Them
From jaw-aches to foreskins, make oral even better for you both.
Relationships
Share
11 Oral Sex Things Guys Don't Care About
If he's giving or getting, not much else matters.
Relationships
Share
10 Guys On the Exact Moment Having a Baby Made Them Super Emotional
"I'm pretty sure when she was born my brain melted and my head just evacuated every tear it had. And I never cry."
Relationships
Share
10 Guys on What Changed the Most After They Had a Kid
"It took me like a day before I went into dad mode."
Relationships
Share
20 Vital Facts You Need to Know About Your Vagina
Can sex stretch it out? Is it supposed to smell? The answers might surprise you.
Relationships
Share
How Do I Get My Boyfriend to Go Down on Me?
"He hasn't offered and changes the subject whenever I bring it up."
Relationships
Share
10 Thoughts All Guys Have Right After They Orgasm
"I could go clean this up but I could also lie in bed."
Relationships
Share
12 Important Blow Job Questions Answered By 3 Men
Three brave men answer all the BJ questions you're secretly too afraid to ask.
Relationships
Share
5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know Before Getting Into a Relationship
It's high time for you to start doing #4.
Relationships
Share
5 Next-Level Oral Sex Positions Your Partner Needs to Try on You ASAP
Cancel all your plans tonight