20 Struggles We All Go Through When Getting Ready for a Date

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1. You set aside at least three hours for getting ready, because there's emotional as well as physical prep to be done here. Dates are a big deal and you won't have anybody telling you otherwise. 

2. Your housemates start making digs about you single-handedly causing the next hosepipe ban because of how long you spent in the shower. But if this date is going to end well, you need to be prepared. So you won't rest until you've cleansed, exfoliated, moisturised (the in-shower stuff, v time-saving), shaved, shampooed, conditioned, shampooed again, conditioned again (they do it twice in salons, don't they?) and then moisturised again, just for luck. 

3. You search through your underwear drawer trying to find something that vaguely looks like it matches. You know, just in case. And what is it they say? 

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4. You decide on Spanx. They don't match your bra but you can't find any nice black knickers and, to be honest, you could do with the help when you bloat. Anyway, Bridget Jones looked good in big knickers, did she not? 

5. You paint your nails a nice dark maroon because that really says sophisticated, before realising that you'd planned to go for a pink lippy (laid-back, carefree, fun) but they totally clash and Taylor Swift wouldn't leave the house with a mis-matched nail/lip situation like that, would she? Oh, this is turning into a bloody nightmare. Thank the lord of nail varnish you picked up a bottle of Rimmel super gel Angel wing to rectify your misguided ways #Slay​

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6. You can feel yourself getting stressed, so you take some time out to have a quick browse of Instagram for some motivational messages. This always helps. A few reminders that you have 'just as many hours in the day as Beyoncé' later, and you're back on form.

7. You pour yourself a drink. You need the Dutch courage. And you're two thirds of the way through your free-poured (read: XXL) glass of white wine before you remember you're going to the Tate first (not your suggestion, but you're just as cultured as the next person, right?) and you're already seeing double.

8. You spam your various group Whatsapps with twelve different outfit choices, but no-one replies. Cheers guys. 

9. You decide to draw the line and start being independent and decisive when your brother politely asks you to stop posting pictures of yourself in your family Whatsapp group.

10. You opt for outfit number one. Typical. 

11. You check the time. How have two and a half hours passed?? Did you really just listen to Justin Bieber's album three times on repeat without noticing? It is good, though. Hit after hit.

12. Thanks to your sudden realisation of the time, everything goes up a gear. The makeup you were going to apply calmly and gracefully now has to be slapped and smeared on, and you're just going to have to hope it's dark in the Tate (unlikely, it's an art gallery and the point is to look at things). 

13. At least the abrupt sense of urgency solves a series of other beauty dilemmas you'd foreseen occurring. You were never very good at decision making in high-pressured situations anyway.

14. To fake eyelash or not to fake eyelash? No time, unless you fancy going on this date with an eye-patch after you carelessly glue one of your eyes shut. Because that's what's bound to happen here.

15. To strobe or to contour? No time to Google what either of these things actually mean, let alone watch a YouTube tutorial and administer one initial practice run, as you had originally anticipated.

16. To bronze or to blush? No time. Who cares. Either, both. Anything.

17. You suddenly become overtly critical and begin to notice all your flaws. Have your pores always looked this big up close? Have you always had that many crows feet round your eyes? Do your eyebrows need plucking? Oh god, your eyebrows need plucking. THERE'S NO TIME FOR ANY OF THIS NONSENSE.

18. You decide to tong your hair, hoping to emulate those loose, beachy waves you've seen all over Pinterest. But because any kind of God seems to have escaped you in your time of need, it ends up looking more high school prom perm than it does Bondi Beach babe. Ah well, if you run fast enough for the train maybe your body heat will help the curls drop.

19. You spend the duration of your journey over-analysing how you're going to greet him. One cheek kiss? Two cheek kisses? A brief hug? A nonchalant wave? Why is this such a MINEFIELD??

20. You meet your date (only fifteen minutes late, greeting not awkward, so far so good), and he comments on how nice you (and your nails) look. Oh, if only he knew.