1. The guy you kept avoiding dumping because you had so many classes together and you knew he'd be a jerk about it. On one hand, you hated the idea of having to stay in a relationship with a guy who called himself "D Money" for even one more day, but on the other hand, that seemed a hell of a lot better than watching him shoot you death stares every day in Western Civ for the next six months. Still, when you finally broke it off and he did exactly that, you regretted nothing.
2. The guy who called himself a DJ and you actually thought that was cool even though you knew for a fact that he just made iPod playlists with nothing but Jay-Z on them.
3. The guy whose idea of a date was chilling with beers and watching dumb movies he thought were funny. Not that there's anything wrong with hanging out, but at some point you discover that sometimes dates involve dinner and movies and drinking something better than off-brand Trader Joe's ale on a futon, and you want to pursue that dream.
4. The guy who is super into, like, deep poetry and the meaning of life and stuff. Has he read Proust? Oh, he has! He also named his dog after the guy and you're pretty sure he's never read anything that wasn't written by a pompous old white guy. You drank sooo much coffee with this guy, even though you didn't for a second believe that he seriously drank it black because he liked it like that.
5. The guy who claimed he didn't like going down on women because it was gross/too intimate/not his thing. The real reason was that he was a selfish dickfaced idiot, but it took you a while to realize that. Life has been so much better since that moment.
6. The guy who cared more about his friends than he did about you. He probably even said "bros before hos" to you at one point. At the time, you rolled your eyes and pretended there was more to him than this, there had to be, but there wasn't. When you broke up with him via text (the only way you could reach him because he was never not with those dudes), you didn't even hear back from him because there was a game on that night.
7. The guy who was basically a human dildo and you loved it. Every twentysomething girl has dated a guy who was basically good for one thing. Showing up to his place and getting right to it (because your conversational chemistry was laughable) was really awesome...for six months only. After that you were like, "Eh, I have a vibrator and his place is actually not that close."
8. The guy who all your friends loooooved so much, but bored the hell out of you. Was Bryce a very good accounting-major boyfriend? Yes. Was there an ounce of passion in your relationship? No. I almost just fell asleep thinking about my Bryce, whose name was Scott, but hey, I hope he's happy. And I bet his current girlfriend sleeps like a baby (because he is boring).
By Lane Moore
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