11 Things Not to Do When Showering Together

If you fart, you have to leave.

1. Do not pee on someone unless they are like, "Yo, pee on me." This is not hilarious or cute, and will probably result in you being punched while naked and dripping. Who wants that? Not me, but I will do it if I must/am peed on.

2.  Try not to monopolize the showerhead even though it's ridiculously tempting. Look, if I'm in the shower, I'm going to want to be near where the water is, otherwise why am I in the shower at all? That said, take turns like you're sharing an ice cream cone because they're probably freaking freezing.

3. Never underestimate how difficult it is for someone to go down on you without it immediately turning into a waterboarding situation for them. Honor this practice. It is not easy.

4. Just because you're crazy-attracted to the person you're showering with does not mean it's OK to stare at them like a stack of hundred dollar bills on a table made of cake. And if you are going to stare, at least make out with me a bunch while you're doing it. Oh, but close your eyes. I just realized you might've thought staring while making out was OK, but no.

5. If you fart, you have to leave. You just do. Of all of the places you could fart in, this one is just too small for it to be anything but rude. Byeeee.

6. Don't interfere with their actual washing of their body. Yes, yes, it's super sexy but some of us have butts to wash, so please hold the groping for, like, 30 seconds.

7. If you have sex in the shower, try not to get soap inside her vagina. This one is no joke. She could get contact dermatitis if she's allergic to any of the ingredients in the soap, which could cause itching and burning, and may even involve having to treat it with a steroid ointment. Not worth it.

8. No whistling, no whistling, no whistling. Only murderers whistle in the shower and they're usually wiping blood from their arms as they do it, so please stop. You are creeping us out.

9. Don't get mad if you initiate sex and they're not into it. Technically, they did come in here to take an actual shower. Sometimes things will get super hot in there and other times they just want to be able to wash their armpits in peace. Respect.

10. Try not to fall in love with how awesome it is to shower with someone you're crazy about. I know, this is literally nine wonderful things combined and we're both so cute, but I have work in 20 minutes and my butt looks like a prune.

11. Water is not lube. And you know this, so don't even try it .

By Lane Moore

See the full story on Cosmopolitan.com

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

What do you think?

Relationships
Share
5 Steamy Sex Positions That Will Ignite Your Sex Drive ASAP
Get your body and mind on the same page, stat.
Relationships
Share
5 Essential Sex Positions You Can Do Without Leaving The Couch
Get off without getting up.
Relationships
Share
6 Guys Describe How They Really Felt About Their Partner's Bodies During Pregnancy
"I never thought I'd call my fiancée's body 'interesting' but that's how it felt for me."
Relationships
Share
Here's What It's Really Like to Have a Small Penis
"I like to think — and I really hope my partners agree — that I've gotten really good at performing oral sex."
Relationships
Share
4 People on When They Realized They Had Foot Fetishes
"I enjoy the feel of the arches of my partner's feet stroking up and down on my penis."
Relationships
Share
Is It Normal to Have a Crush When You're in a Relationship?
What counts as a fleeting feeling, and what requires a Serious Chat?
Relationships
Share
8 Things Never to Do When You're 69ing
Don't spend the whole time feeling weirdly about your body.
Relationships
Share
The Ultimate Sex Position Guide
Your crash course for all the best sex positions out there.
Relationships
Share
12 Types of Sex Couples Will Have in Their 30s
Like, "We've got about 15 minutes to kill in between all the things we have planned today" sex.
Relationships
Share
5 Sex Positions for a Lazy Morning in Bed Together
🚨CANCEL ALL YOUR WEEKEND PLANS🚨