1. You want to plan something last minute? Haha, good luck. You seriously want to text me at 5 p.m. and ask me what I'm doing later tonight? Well, I can tell you exactly what I'm doing tonight because I've had it planned for three weeks and sadly, you are not part of those activities.
2. Your "date night" is probably Sunday brunch. Because Saturday is "get shit done" day, and I'm too exhausted to get ready for a big date Saturday night. So see you tomorrow at noon! It will be the only time I've been able to see you all week, which is good because...
3. Your dates with her will always be seriously next level. I don't have a ton of time, so when I do finally have time, I basically want to go on a mini vacation where we do the most incredibly things in the whole city in one day somehow because I have to fit seven days of fun into one afternoon.
4. You'll never stress over planning cool dates ever again. I have a long list of awesome things I want to do but haven't had time, so I have no shortage of ideas for museums we can visit or parks we could go sit in. Take your pick.
5. You're basically in a constant three-way with her calendar. "Want to do something Friday?" "I don't know, let me ask Cal." "Goddamn it, can't we do one little thing without asking Cal if he thinks it's a good idea?" "No."
6. If you try to cancel on her the night of the date early in the relationship, you will probably never hear from her again. I blocked off a night for you! Plus, if you cancel now, I can't see you for another like three weeks, so it might as well be never.
7. Yeah, you could ask her where she wants to eat tonight ... if you want to see her head explode. Too many options, too much time researching on Yelp. Please just pick a place. And tell me in advance where we're going, because once we meet up...
8. She already knows what she's going to order because this chick plans ahead. Oh, looking it up the night of and picking out what I'm going to eat before I get there so I can hear all your wonderful stories from the week ASAP? Yeah, that's a given. Also high-five for team efficiency!
9. If you tell her, "Let's hang out Thursday," and don't follow up with her until the day of, she's already forgotten about you. I love when a guy tries to make vague plans with me for later in the week and expects me to block off that night and hold it on the off chance that he makes good on his promise of plans with me. Haha, all of the no, sir. All of the no.
10. It's a wonder she found the time to put on pants for you. Honestly, no matter how I look on our date, just be grateful I have no food stains on my clothing or body because I raced here after scarfing Chipotle while finishing three assignments and Googling directions for the restaurant at the same time.
11. But she will always be on time for your dates. So don't you dare be late. When your schedule is booked back to back-to-back every day, you get used to showing up on time so you're not late to the next thing. Glass half-full: I'll always be on time meeting you. Glass half-empty: I will only wait 10 minutes for your late ass before I leave.
12. It couldn't be easier to tell if she's into you or not. I sometimes don't have time to shower or tweeze my eyebrows, so if I'm regularly taking time to hang out with you, even if it's as simple as chilling in the park, I'm absolutely crazy about you. Easy as that.
By Lane Moore
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