1. So, err, we are NEVER getting back together.
2. But, more importantly, the ultimate dilemma: to like or not to like? Liking the first dad selfie is the mature and supportive thing to do, right?
3. Eurgh why is EVERYONE liking this? Will my like look phoney? Can a single mouse click look phoney?!
4. Two hundred likes! That's like double a driving test pass! FFS it's not like he was the one to squeeze a tiny human out of his vaj...
5. Not that it isn't a cute picture. I'm not actually anti-joy. WOW, it has his nose.
6. Right, time to go through the ENTIRE album. May as well do this properly. Come on, I'm allowed to be fascinated by the miracle of life.
7. Are these my first moments as a real-life adult? Am I kind of… old?
8. It wasn't that long ago that I looked after him while he vommed up budget pints... And now he's looking after an actual peeing, vomiting CHILD?
9. On that note, perhaps I got out at the right time. Ewwww.
10. But that doesn't mean he's allowed to use any of our imaginary baby names. Obv we were never actually going to name our child Fleek, but the idea was still OUR THING, okay?.
11. Do I get to meet this kid IRL? Me and my ex still write on each other's Facebook walls for EVERY birthday. I demand awwwwww-ing rights.
12. Fuck everything.
See the full story on Cosmopolitan.co.uk