1. Beach bum. The good news is that his delts glisten with the tan of a perfectly roasted Butterball chicken. The bad news is he probably talks so much about his surfboard that you want to throw up. The other good news is: many surfbort jokes.
2. Guy you meet on vacation. What happens in Myrtle Beach stays in Myrtle Beach. I mean, unless you are a sitcom protagonist, in which case what happens in Myrtle Beach will wind up - SURPRISE! - being the boss at your new job, leading to many ~*~*hilariously awkward~*~* situations. But you're not, so it's all good in the hood.
3. Low-key guy you don't feel the need to impress. Ever. Midday summer laziness is real. So is putting on the wrong kind of foundation in 90 degree heat so it melts and makes you look like you belong in Madame Tussaud's. Low-key guy DGAF, actually doesn't notice, that you are a ball of low-energy sweat with a dirty ponytail.
4. Guy with air conditioning. I'm not saying you should prostitute yourself for air conditioning if you don't have it, but if you DM me I will confirm that you should prostitute for air conditioning if you don't have it.
5. Foreign guy here for the summer. There's always that one random hot Croatian guy your friend met in Europe who's staying at some friend's house for a month and starts coming out to bars with you guys all the time like he's one of the gang. Go for it. This is why the Lord invented foreign men.
6. The adorable intern at your workplace. Perhaps he's your age and interning with you, or perhaps he's a few years younger with the dewy, still-hopeful face of a person whose dreams haven't been crushed. Either way, he can probably have sex for one thousand hours.
7. Wedding guy. Love, or at least mutually-agreed-upon settling, is in the air. Everyone is sweating in their finery and dancing to a mediocre wedding band's cover of that erotic anthem, "Shout." The only non-wifed-up groomsman rowed college crew with the groom. If you don't hook up with him after a few glasses of wine and slow dances, you're not an American. Sorry, not sorry.
8. Indoor nerd. Should you be more of a summer-dork type than an athlete-chaser, the indoor nerd offers protection from the elements and general adorkability. (Ugh, sorry.) You will not have to suffer through a sweltering game of Ultimate Frisbee just to get him alone afterward.
9. High school friend or ex-boyfriend while you're home for the summer. Everything might have seemed super melodramatic back then, but now that you're both hanging out as Older and Wiser People, why not go at it in your twin bed while your parents are at Super Fresh? Just for old time's sake!
By Anna Breslaw
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