This week's hot tip and/or possible travesty comes courtesy Cosmo's 20 Favorite Sex Tips Ever (2002).
The Tip: "'Let go - loudly! When you're sexually excited, really express yourself. Let yourself go in whatever way feels most comfortable. Scream your head off, laugh, shout his name -whatever you have the urge to do. If you're embarrassed, just know that you're doing your partner a favor. The more you express your pleasure, the more you make him feel like the stud of the universe. Bonus: Your orgasms will be even more powerful if you really let 'er rip vocally.' -Dr. Susan Block, sex therapist and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure."
I was way into this one (though I'd maybe pick a different phrase than "let 'er rip"...) because I find sex sounds all kinds of hot. When sex makes you so incoherent that there's little you can do but communicate via choked out cries, well, it's the best.
A deep moan, soft sigh, primitive growl of lust, or - dear god - a lover gasping your name as they're about to come - it's all so. Damn. Heady. I love that there's this incredibly intimate, wordless language that we use only during sex. It's just so ancient and primal. And getting in touch with your primal nature - and allowing someone else to bear witness to that - is what great sex is all about.
The Setting: Bedroom, midday. Darkness would have been preferable to heighten the sense of hearing, but I opted for a time when no one was around. I didn't want anyone inadvertently bearing witness to my primal nature.
The Prep: Close the windows. OCDishly check again. Repeat if necessary.
The Music: Some jazz channel that turned into horrible "lite" jazz at some point, giving a vaguely '80s soft-porn feel to the proceedings.
The Act: Even though I love the sounds of sex, knowing that they were required felt a wee bit porny and fake. I was self-conscious at first (like, "I am highly aware that I am making a sexy sex sound") but the fakey sounds gave me the confidence and wherewithal to be real, and my screams quickly turned real. N. got so turned on by the moaning and such that we actually had to slow it way down because we were getting too close too fast. And after he came, he kept on going just because he was so damn into it. It was the hottest sex in awhile, and that's including the killer blow job we road-tested last time.
Nerdy Side Note, as Is My Way: Making porny noises is something a lot of women do. Scientists call these sounds "copulatory vocalizations" (Bonus sex tip: Don't call them "copulatory vocalizations") and we make them for all kinds of reasons, including "speeding things up," "upping partner's self-esteem," or "to relieve discomfort/pain, boredom, and fatigue."
Still, the shit works and not always in a nefarious way. Something about being loud can make you feel way more wanton and free, which yes, makes your partner feel like the stud of the universe (or the equivalent to that in 2015 slang) and brings a fierce carnality to the fuckery while at the same time enhancing your connection.
The Verdict: Yes, oh, yes, oh, yes! Sorry, still emoting. But yes, this tip is the Deep Magic. Use it wisely.
By Jill Hamilton
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