16 Things Guys Think When You Ask for Rough Sex

Please define "rough" in advance.

1. What does "rough" mean? It's too late to sit down and flip through an hour-long PowerPoint presentation about what "rough sex" entails and what her expectations are. I guess we're role-playing as John Wetton and Geoff Downes from '70s rock band Asia, because we're in the "Heat of the Moment."

2. I guess I should start by spanking her. Spanking is a great litmus test for just how rough this rough sex should be. It's still probably best to start off with a light tap, like a butt pat.

3. All right, that barely even registered on her butt's Richter scale. I guess I should crank it up a notch. Time to give her a friendly slap. Oh wow, she didn't mind that either.

4. Should I do it even harder? All right, I'm going to slap her ass like it insulted my mother. Holy shit, she loved it. Wipe that giddy smirk off your face and play it cool.

5. I guess I should pull her hair now? This is weird. I feel like a cowboy and a 5-year-old and I don't know if I like the feeling or not.

6. Harder? I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

7. This is awesome. I'm pumping so hard and fast and I feel like Christian Bale in American Psycho except for all the murder stuff. I'm gonna flex.

8. I'M CRAMPING. Oh, god. This is too much. One man wasn't meant to do this much legwork that quickly. Is she even enjoying this?

9. Oh, gross. Now I'm just really sweaty. It's like I ran a sex marathon.

10. I'm gonna pull some Fifty Shades of Grey moves here. I'm about to...Wait, what do they do in that book? They have rough sex and the dude is like, super rich, right? And then they...I dunno. I'm going to be rich at her?

11. Oh, no way. She wants me to choke her. I feel like a murderer. Not like, a sexy Dexter murderer. I just feel like, if the police came in right now, they'd shoot me. I'm losing my erection because I'm thinking about getting shot by the police.

12. Does she just mean like, kind of having my hands near her neck? I feel like anything more than that is just asking for trouble.

13. What's sexier? A full nelson or just a firm hand grip? I've never had to choke anyone in my life, let alone while multitasking.

14. I'm going to settle on "playful" choke. Is that a thing? I feel like it's an oxymoron, but that's how this feels. Playful, yet dangerous.

15. Talking dirty is weird. It gives me the same anxiety that giving a presentation in health class does.

16. I'M CRAMPING AGAIN. I'M GOING DOWN. WHO IS THIS SEX SUPPOSED TO BE ROUGH FOR??

ByFrank Kobola

See the full story on Cosmopolitan.com

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

What do you think?

Relationships
Share
I Prefer Masturbating Over Having Sex with My Husband
Sometimes, a girl just wants to finish.
Relationships
Share
23 Ways You Can Immediately Spice Up Your Sex Life
Whether it's romantic, raunchy, or somewhere in between, these tried-and-true tricks will instantly make your sex life ~hot~ again.
Relationships
Share
22 Questions to Ask If You Think Your Partner Is Unhappy
At least one of these will help you move beyond "I'm fine."
Relationships
Share
26 People Reveal the 1 Relationship Secret That Keeps Their Spark Alive
Forget sparks — these tips guarantee ~fireworks~.
Relationships
Share
10 Things You Should Know Before Dating an Indian Girl
This is so relatable! 😂
Relationships
Share
19 Things You Can Do With Your Mouth That Will Drive a Man Crazy
Besides giving a blow job. You knew that one already.
Relationships
Share
Can a Vibrator Ruin Your Sex Life?
One writer's experience with the Rabbit. (And no, she's not talking about a bunny.)
Relationships
Share
15 Women Reveal How to Make Makeup Sex the Best Sex Ever
Sometimes it's better to give (and receive!) than to withhold.
Relationships
Share
7 People Reveal the Wildest and Worst Places They've Been Dumped At
Getting dumped while wearing a couple's costume might take the cake.
Relationships
Share
12 Guys Get Real About Wedding Night Sex
"We had amazing sex and then ordered pizza and ate it naked in bed."