In a new blog post on her website, Caitlyn Jenner elaborates on winning the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at last week's ESPYs (the post is part of a series she's doing in collaboration with WhoSay). She starts out by talking about the dress, custom-made for her by Donatella Versace. "It was like every fantasy of my life come true," she writes. "I wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel pretty. I wanted to be myself." Caitlyn said Donatella reached out to her about doing the dress, which was made in Italy and took two fittings to make it "absolutely perfect."
Caitlyn then talked about her speech, which she wrote beforehand and read off a teleprompter, despite usually giving improvised speeches at her speaking engagements. "As a dyslexic kid, my biggest fear in life was to go in front of the class and read because I just wasn't very good at it - and that stays with you through your whole life," she said. "Everybody was there supporting me and helping me get through this, but when I got up on stage and started the presentation, I tried to separate myself from where I was and concentrate on the prompter. I never really saw anybody until the point with Diane Sawyer." The hardest part, however, was addressing her kids, all of whom were in the audience watching. "It was hard to look over there and see all of my children," she wrote. "As I said in the speech, I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to be myself. I barely got through that."
Though Caitlyn seems largely happy with her appearance both in general and on the ESPYs stage, she's still not totally satisfied with the way her voice sounds. "While I felt like I looked great and that the gown looked fabulous, I still have a voice issue," she explained. "It's not quite right compared to my feminine appearance. That bothers me a little bit. However, I hope that people don't listen to the pitch of my voice, but listen to what I have to say. That's important to me."
By Eliza Thompson
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