omewhere along the line, guys earned a rep for wanting sex to be a "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" experience. But a recent Cosmo poll (tens of thousands of males responded) found that the majority of men crave quickies only a few times a week - max - and 65 percent want longer sack sessions to last at least 45 minutes.
This is really great news, because slower sex has major payoffs for you: To begin with, it takes females more time than males to get turned on and reach orgasm. Plus, having sex at a decelerated pace intensifies pleasure and lets you and your bedmate bond more deeply because you can explore each other's bodies and experiment with new kinds of foreplay.
There is, of course, one practical matter that needs to be addressed: How to contain a man's excitement in order to extend the play. And moreover, while languorous sex sounds hot in theory, what the hell do you do to fill all that time? No worries-you're about to learn how to master the art of the slowie (the polar opposite of a quickie). "The key is building up excitement gradually," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of Passionista.
Start before you hit the bedroom
You can draw out doing the deed by setting the stage hours in advance. Send him a naughty text early in the day-a line like "Save your energy....You're really gonna need it later" should do the trick. Then, while the two of you are out for dinner or drinks, reveal something sexy you want to try later and have him do the same. "Sharing your desires with each other ensures you're on the same page mentally (and later physically) and also helps you connect on an emotional level," says Kerner. Having this discussion in public increases the anticipation because you will get turned on but are forced to put off acting on your urges.
Then seize the opportunity to unveil your plan for the rest of the evening. Tell him "Tonight I fully intend to take my time pleasing you." And if it's feasible, lay your hand on his thigh as you say it. "Physical contact stimulates the hormone oxytocin, which makes you feel happy, relaxed, and close to each other," explains Kerner. "And that mind-set is a very crucial element for building arousal, especially for women."
Initiate a sexy clothes tease
Instead of viewing clothes as obstacles that need to be shed ASAP, use them as seduction tools, suggests Clifford Penner, Ph.D., sex therapist in Pasadena, California. Prolong the disrobing process by taking turns stripping off each other's bodies one by one. Lift the bottom of his shirt to expose his lower abs, and run your tongue all over it. Switch between tender moves and wild ones, like directing him to remove your underwear using only his teeth. You'll probably be so turned on by this point that you'll want to fast- forward to intercourse. Resist the temptation. "Taking things down a notch and then building the arousal back up once more increases blood flow to your genitals," Kerner says. "That, in turn, leads to a spike of sex hormones in your brain and more sexual tension within your muscles, leaving you with powerful feelings of desire."
Hop in a steamy shower together
Before hitting the sheets, lead him into the bathroom and indulge in a long shower. "The warm water relaxes you, priming you for more intense arousal," explains Penner. "Take your time massaging soap onto one another's bodies and shampooing each other's hair to awaken nerve endings." After getting all sudsy, embrace, and rub your hands over his back and butt, enjoying the slippery sensation of skinto-skin contact. Spend some time making out too. It's one of the first activities to get tossed by the wayside when you're rushing to have sex, so savour this opportunity to kiss deeply. When things reach a fever pitch of excitement, pry yourselves apart, then rinse and dry off.