30 foreplay ideas and tips that’ll make you wish it could last forever

Romantic comedies and erotic novels might make it seem like one second people are getting rained on, and the next, they’re ripping each other’s clothes off in the hallway, but that’s not always the case. IRL, people are busy! I’m talking half-finished to-do lists, existential dread, and the ongoing debate about whether or not we should get bangs. Sex isn’t always top of mind (sorry, Nicholas Sparks). And that, my dear friends, is where foreplay comes in.

At its best, foreplay builds anticipation, creates emotional closeness, and gets your body and brain so turned on that the sex that follows (if another type of sex even follows—more on that in a sec) feels next-level.

“In most relationships, foreplay is defined as any sexual activity that induces arousal,” says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a Kinsey-certified sexologist and professor of sexual communication. “Many people experience what’s called ‘responsive desire.’ They don’t necessarily feel turned on until their body is properly stimulated.”

While this can be the case for anybody, it’s especially true for people with vulvas. “Gentle buildup through extended foreplay nurtures arousal and makes sex more pleasurable and less uncomfortable,” explains Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, chief sexologist at SXWA. ICYMI: Studies show that over 75 per cent of people with vaginas need more than just penetration to orgasm. Which means if you skip foreplay, you kiiiinda skip the part that actually helps many folks want to have sex in the first place. You say it’s a chicken/egg thing, I say it’s a “you need to start doing foreplay if you ever expect to get laid” thing. (Respectfully.)

So! Basically! If you want better sex, start with better foreplay. And lucky you, we’ve got 30 of the best moves to get you going, and take your ~sexperiences~ from “meh” to “I'm about to make you forget your name.”

What Is Foreplay?

If the word "foreplay" makes you picture some half-hearted groping before things “really” get started, go ahead and delete that file from your brain. Foreplay isn’t the bread basket at a restaurant (unless you sometimes just eat the bread basket and skip the rest of the meal because the bread basket is so good. In that case, you’re correct). It’s the connection, the build-up, the literal and emotional lube that makes everything hotter, deeper, and way more satisfying. Cue: hot kisses, flirty sexting, sensual massages, and even just whispering something dirty while you’re doing the dishes.

“Foreplay is the art of connecting deeply through body and mind,” says Dr. Joy. “It lubricates your emotions, your thoughts, and your body.” So no, it’s not just a few minutes of pawing at each other before penetration. It’s the thing that makes you want to rip each other’s clothes off in the first place.

Foreplay can also help your body physically prep for pleasure. It can enhance blood flow, increase nerve sensitivity, and reduce pain or discomfort during sex, especially for people with vulvas. “When you give yourself time to gradually increase blood flow, it reduces the likelihood of discomfort,” Dr. Joy explains. “It also deepens psychological attraction.” So if you’ve ever thought, “Hmm, this would be a lot more enjoyable if my body were actually into it,” you’re not wrong. That’s literally what foreplay is for.

And it doesn’t even always have to be viewed as a “before” thing. Oral sex, heavy petting, mutual masturbation, and even dry-humping can totally be the main event! If you stop viewing foreplay as something you “squeeze in” before the real sex starts, and start savoring it, you’ll be surprised at how mind-blowing intimacy can be.

In other words, foreplay is a lot of things, but it’s not a hurdle, a formality, or a five-minute detour on the way to penetration. It’s the part that makes the rest of sex—if and when you get there—actually worth having.

30 Best Foreplay Tips

Foreplay doesn’t have to be some elaborate, candlelit production (unless that’s your thing—in which case, carry on). Sometimes, the hottest moves are the simplest. Whether you’ve got five hours or five minutes, these expert-backed tips are here to turn the heat all the way up.

1. Start Sexting ASAP.

Sexting is one of the easiest, most effective ways to build arousal, specifically for people who need a little mental warm-up first. “[People with vaginas] can get wet from just the right kind of sexting,” says Suwinyattichaiporn. “Compliments, anticipation, the naughtiness; it’s perfect foreplay without touching.”

This could be a mid-morning text like, “Can’t stop thinking about you in that shirt,” or a late-afternoon voice note about what you plan to do later. The point isn’t Shakespearean wordplay. (Unless that does it for you, in which case, again, carry on!) It’s curiosity, confidence, and a liiiittle restraint. Build the suspense early, and by the time you're actually together, you're both already halfway there.

2. Sync Your Breathing While You Cuddle.

This one might sound like a wellness retreat activity, but stick with us. Lying close to your partner and matching your breath to theirs can activate a deep sense of connection and intimacy, especially if sex has started to feel rushed or mechanical. “When you match your breathing, you sync up energetically,” says Berkheimer. “It increases oxytocin and helps you stay present in your body.”

Try this during a quiet moment (so no TV, no scrolling, and no pressure to perform). Whether you’re spooning or just lying face-to-face under the covers, focus on feeling their chest rise and fall with yours. It’s grounding, sexy, and a surprisingly effective way to flip your brains into a shared, sensual mode.

3. Casually (And Consensually) Grope Each Other.

Spoiler: Not all foreplay needs to have Bridgerton-level choreography. In fact, the little touches throughout your day—like pulling your partner close while they’re loading the dishwasher or grabbing their butt while they’re brushing their teeth—might do more for long-term desire than an elaborate lingerie moment. “Playful touch keeps you attuned to your partner and releases oxytocin,” says Suwinyattichaiporn. “It helps build anticipation throughout the day.”

The keyword is consensual. You’re not springing surprise boob grabs here. You’re engaging in playful, familiar touch that reminds your partner: Hey, I still want you. And sometimes, that reminder is all it takes to get the mood going early.

4. Whisper Something Dirty.

Sometimes it’s just about saying the one line that hits. “I want to feel you later.” “I can’t stop thinking about last night.” “What would you do if we didn’t have to be somewhere in ten minutes?” Suwinyattichaiporn calls this “mental foreplay,” and says it’s just as important as anything physical.

The best part? You can do it literally anytime. Lean in while your partner’s making dinner. Drop it into a text in the middle of the day. Murmur it during a kiss and then walk away like you didn’t just blow their mind. Confidence = hot. Leaving them wanting more = even hotter.

5. Dance Together (No Rhythm Required).

You don’t need a big romantic moment to turn a slow dance into serious foreplay. “Moving to music creates physical synchronization and undeniable desire,” says Berkheimer. Even if you’re just swaying in socks on the hardwood floor or slow grinding in your kitchen to a playlist you haven’t updated since college, that body-to-body contact stirs something primal.

It’s also low-effort and high-impact. No need to make it sexy—just let it be sexy. Your hand on their hip. Their breath near your neck. That tiny spark of tension that says, This could go somewhere if we wanted it to. That’s foreplay, baby.

6. Explore Each Other in the Mirror.

It might sound intimidating at first, but hear us out: Watching yourselves during foreplay can seriously boost arousal. Whether you’re undressing each other, kissing, or experimenting with touch, using a mirror adds a layer of visual stimulation that makes everything feel heightened. “Mirror exploration can increase body acceptance and help you discover new erogenous zones,” says Berkheimer.

It also slows things down. Instead of racing toward a finish line, you’re both fully in the moment, seeing each other—really seeing each other—and reacting to the buildup in real time. Yes, you might giggle at first. That’s fine! Do it anyway.

7. Compliment Their Sex Appeal.

There’s a time and place for, “Thanks for folding the laundry,” but it’s not when you’re trying to seduce someone. If you want to turn your partner on, start by helping them *feel* hot. “Say something like, ‘You have such a nice body’ or ‘I love the sound of your voice,’” says Suwinyattichaiporn. “These kinds of compliments increase confidence, which helps you feel more desirable and turned on.”

The goal isn’t flattery, it’s anticipation. By focusing on their physicality, voice, energy, or even how they move, you’re signaling that you see 'em, you want 'em, and you're already envisioning doing very naughty things with 'em.

8. Make a Sexy Bet.

A little competition can be very good for your sex life. “Playful challenges or bets create curiosity and anticipation,” says Berkheimer. They also open the door to power dynamics and teasing, two underrated foreplay tools. Try, “If I win, you have to kiss me everywhere but my mouth.” Or, “Loser has to do whatever the winner says for five minutes… in bed.”

It’s silly, it’s fun, and it invites intimacy without pressure. Plus, who doesn’t want a little incentive to win? Just remember it's still fine to say "no" during. This is about fun, not forcing your partner to do something they're not cool with.

9. Use a Toy on Them.

Sex toys aren’t a replacement for intimacy; they’re a boost. Suwinyattichaiporn calls them “extremely effective and fun,” especially during foreplay, yet many people still avoid them due to shame or outdated ideas about what “should” be enough.

Whether it’s a wand vibrator, a bullet, or a cock ring, incorporating toys together can help you explore new sensations, boost arousal, and totally change the rhythm of your usual go-to moves. Not to get all corporate on you, but think of it as collaborating on pleasure versus outsourcing it.

10. Trade Fantasies Out Loud.

Here’s your reminder that foreplay isn’t always physical. “Verbalizing fantasies intensifies mental arousal,” says Berkheimer. Even if you never plan to make them happen, sharing what turns you on in theory can be just as powerful as doing it in practice.

Pick a low-stakes moment—maybe while lying in bed or post-makeout—and say something like, “I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to…” Then pause and let them fill in the blanks. You might discover you’re on the same wavelength or, even better, turn each other on in totally unexpected ways.

11. Tease with a Foot Massage (Yes, Really).

Foot play isn’t just for niche TikToks and fetishes—it’s a great form of sensual touch. “Feet have a lot of nerve endings and can be so sensual,” says Suwinyattichaiporn. A gentle rub, kiss, or even a light scratch can activate areas of the body that don’t usually get attention, which makes them extra receptive to sensation.

The trick? Keep it clean, keep it slow, and read your partner’s cues. You might be surprised at how fast a foot rub can turn into full-body tension. And if it doesn’t? You still just scored points for giving them a massage. Win-win.

12. Send a Voice Note They Can’t Open in Public.

A text is hot. A voice note? Unhinged in the best way. “Sending sexy stories or compliments by voice builds anticipation,” says Berkheimer. The added layer of your actual voice—the pace, the tone, the breath between words—adds intimacy no emoji ever could.

Pro tip: Make it short and NSFW enough that they *have* to wait to hear it. The buildup becomes its own form of foreplay. And once they finally hit play? Let’s just say you won’t need to do much more talking.

13. Give Them a Gift.

If your partner’s love language is gift-giving, this one’s criminally underrated. “Receiving a gift can be sexually arousing for some people,” says Suwinyattichaiporn. It doesn’t have to be anything wild, just a little something thoughtful (a massage candle, a spicy book, that new toy you’ve been hinting at) paired with a smirk and a slow unzip. It’s not about materialism; it’s about surprise, effort, and being seen.

14. Try Mutual Masturbation.

Okay, so watching your partner turn themselves on is hot. Like, wildly hot. “We like to witness pleasure in others—it reflects what we may look and feel like when we’re in it too,” says Berkheimer. Mutual masturbation can be an incredible way to learn what your partner likes, show them what works for you, and build a ton of arousal without needing to go all the way (unless you want to).

It’s also ideal if you're not quite in the mood for penetration but still want closeness. You’re side by side, tuned in, and free to watch, react, and join in at your own pace.

15. Do a Guided Sex Meditation Together.

Ready for this one? Suwinyattichaiporn recommends trying a guided sexual meditation to build desire, focus your attention, and foster connection before things get physical. “It creates sexual energy and intimacy without rushing,” she says. You can find these on YouTube or dedicated apps (Suwinyattichaiporn even has her own). Try it together before bed or during a lazy weekend afternoon. It’s like a mental foreplay pregame that gets your bodies and minds in sync.

16. Make Eye Contact for a Full Minute.

This one sounds simple until you're actually doing it. Sitting face-to-face and holding eye contact for 60 full seconds can feel… intense. Maybe even a little uncomfortable. But that’s kind of the point. “This simple act stimulates the nervous system, deepens arousal, and makes even a short moment intensely intimate,” says Berkheimer.

Try it before sex, after a fight, or when you’re feeling a little off. It’s weirdly grounding, and it activates a kind of “Oh right, I like you” chemistry that gets drowned out by daily chaos. Add touch, and you’ve got a whole experience.