The 11 Grossest Things Every Woman Does During Her Period
Proudly watching blood run down your legs in the shower like you just killed your mortal enemy.
First off, I just want to say that when I say "gross," I mean gross in the most positive, "we are all wonderfully repulsive" kind of way. That said, here are 11 things everyone does when they have their period that are the mostly cool kind of gross.
1. Stare at the toilet after you pee to see how much blood is in there like a blood scientist. Notice the way the blood swirls to the bottom like a beautiful blood river flowing into the blood sea. Exquisite.
2. Gaze at your bloody hands after you take out your cup/tampon like you're in a metal video about a ritual sacrifice. Especially when you have a cup in. Even if your reaction is more horrified than "I'm basically Xena," you still stare at your hands, and think about how freaky it is that you have blood all over your hands and yet everything is totally fine in your life.
3. Send your friends photos of all the blood you just dumped out of your menstrual cup. Only when it's a particularly noteworthy haul, but still. This is an essential and super-weird Snapchat.
4. Wad up an entire roll of toilet paper on your hand and then put it in your underwear like a pad. If we knew when we were 13 that we'd still be doing this at 23, we'd feel so bad for our future selves because that sounds bleak as hell.
5. Know you should change your pad but then be like "eh, whatever." And then it just gets smushed up and shoved to one side of your underwear, or sticks to your leg like it's frightened. Oh well.
6. Stare at the weird blood clots that come out and wonder, "Ooo, what if that's the egg?" And then just move on with your life because some things you aren't meant to know.
7. Accidentally birth your tampon when you go to the bathroom. I wish I could say this felt empowering, but it just feels very human, vaguely disgusting, and makes you pray your plumbing can handle it.
8. Totally forget you had a tampon in and then finding it waaaaay later. Glass half full, you could've had some sort of TSS situation on your hands and thankfully, you didn't. Glass half empty, you're pretty sure it's only been in there one day but also it could be more because you may have actually done this…
9. Put in two tampons because you forgot the other one was in there. Because remembering all the stuff that's in your vagina at any given moment can be really hard and you have other things to do, OK?
10. Proudly watch blood run down your legs in the shower like you just killed your mortal enemy. I have avenged my mother and now I shall reign supreme in the mortal realm, once I cleanse myself of the blood of the wicked.
11. Fully intend to properly soak our blood-stained underwear and then just be like, "Eh, whatever," and just throw them away. Yay, shopping for new underwear!Cosmopolitan