A Comprehensive Guide to Sliding Into Someone’s DMs

It’s your chance to make the first move.

By Amy Mackelden
31 December, 2018
A Comprehensive Guide to Sliding Into Someone’s DMs

As the world moves more and more online, meeting someone on a social networking site like Instagram has become even more likely. According to the BBC, online dating is now the “third most popular means of meeting a long term partner,” making it crucial that you’re equipped with the correct terminology for scoring those all-important internet dates.

So what exactly does it mean to “slide into someone’s DMs,” and what’s the best way to go about it?

What Does the Term “Sliding Into Someone’s DMs” Mean?

Simply put, the term refers to a direct message sent on social media, most often Instagram or Twitter, in which a random user or online acquaintance sends an unexpected private message. Privacy is key when it comes to “sliding into someone’s DMs,” as it’s about making a point not to send a public message or comment.

As the verb in this instance is “to slide,” it’s pretty clear that the person sending the message is confident, knows how to compose a witty or flirty sentence, and isn’t afraid to write to a stranger online.

 

 

How Can I Slide Into Someone’s DMs?

So, you’ve stumbled across the profile of someone you think is hot, or has the potential to be your next bae. According to Tamara Goldstein, CEO of the dating app Pickable, “There's no shame in saying hello, and there's no clever one liner needed.” Basically, it’s more than fine to make the first move.

Ezgi, dating and relationship expert at Once concurs, telling Cosmopolitan.com, “When trying to conjure up the perfect message. don’t overthink it. Be genuine and reference something from the recipient’s photo, profile or a recent post.” There’s nothing wrong with doing a little research, and trying to find a common interest before hitting up your online crush.

 

 

 

Try to Keep Your DMs Clean and Grammatically Correct

 

But Ezgi also reveals that many women report receiving inappropriate messages online, something you won’t want to replicate when you’re instigating a DM slide. And, most importantly, Ezgi says, “Double check spelling and punctuation, as sloppy messages can be a huge turn-off for many.”

Psychologist Colleen Long also notes that there’s a fine line between being flirty and being a weirdo. “Don’t be creepy and ask them about their trip from 2012 unless it’s a recent #tbt or #fbf post." says Long. "No one wants to feel like someone has been e-stalking them for hours upon hours.” Which is just all round great advice to remember in your everyday life, really.

 

Don’t Get Carried Away

 

When you’re attracted to someone’s social media profile, it can be all too easy to become invested before you really know the person. Relationships editor Christal D. Jordan explains that there’s “nothing worse than seeing a person has liked 20 of your pictures and now is in your DM with a ‘Hello message.’” Because that, my friends, is what’s known as too much, too soon.

And if the object of your affection doesn’t reply at all? Jordan says it’s time to move on: “If they don't respond take that as a NO and keep it moving. Multiple inbox messages without their response makes you look desperate, and yep, you guessed it… a bit CREEPY!”

 

 

What Do I Do If Someone Slides Into My DMs, but I’m Not Into It?

Dr. Venessa Marie Perry, chief relationship strategist and founder of The Love Write, says that it’s best to handle unwanted advances as tactfully as possible. She tells Cosmopolitan.com, “Even if you're not interested, the person was kind enough to express their interest in a non-threatening way,” so replying with a simple, “Thanks, not interested,” should keep things respectful.

It's also perfectly okay to ignore unwanted advances or straight-up just say you're not interested, too. Tricia Andor of The Self-Development Lab says, “From a psychological perspective, your non-response will serve as behavioral modification to decrease the likelihood of the person DM sliding again.”

If you don’t want this person messaging you again, try to ignore any guilt you might be feeling about not replying, and just ghost the slider, as you don’t owe them anything.

 

What Happens Next?

Whether someone slid into your DMs, or you did the sliding, see if it's worth meeting up in person. Says Goldstein, “No one wants to be stuck in an endless cycle of texting a stranger, and chemistry can only be discovered IRL!”

But don't feel bad if you need a second to work up the courage to move things offline once you've started chatting. You just did a v. brave thing by DM sliding to begin with! Sonya Schwartz, relationship expert at Her Aspiration, says “you’ll have plenty of time to ask them out once you’ve engaged in conversation.” Take your time getting to know them until you’re ready to interact in the real world.

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Credit: Cosmopolitan
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